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I never imagined the atmosphere of a funeral home at home. However, this happened. Unreal. Many times my eyes blurred, blackened and remembered nothing. I don't know who's coming, I can't say hi to them.
When strong enough, Aunt Hana with puffy eyes, accompanied and gave warm tea for me to wake up.
"Auntie, why is this so ..," isakku.
Aunt Hana just shook her head, her eyes watering to hear it.
Cantika was in shock when Papa's body was placed in the house. He repeatedly apologized to Papa's body.
"Papa, forgive Cantika ..., sorry Papa!"
Only those words could come out of his thin mouth. I don't understand why he's like that. Whatever he says won't wake Papa up.
Mama is no different from me, often she fainted in front of Papa's body. This room feels so sad. People kept coming to express their concern for Papa's departure for good.
I kept the jacket that Papa always wore to go to the office, still smelled Papa's body, making me slow and crying broke. Bila and Sani are waiting for me with Aunt Hana. They're pinching my still limp feet.
When the funeral arrived, I strengthened these two legs to stand up and stepped to take Papa to his final resting place. Time feels so fast, only two days ago I joked with Papa if you have children later must be a lot so that the house is not quiet, but, one more Papa said that the household must be lived by sincerely building a togetherness in one roof. It was Papa's last message to me. Now I must be willing to see Papa's body buried, parted with us, united with the land. Man comes from the ground and returns to the ground.
"Ikhlas yes, dear." Surya grabbed me who was crying as he wanted to see the land hoarding Papa.
"Yes, I'm sincere," I said softly, though with a sob.
So quickly the gravediggers worked, that a mound of earth and two bamboo were stuck beside the mound. Flowers filled Papa's grave.
"Papa's there, it's quiet." Point Surya at the mound.
I nodded. God, take Papa, will you?
Cantika hugged Papa's grave while crying and continued to apologize, I asked Denis to persuade him to sit down. It is not good to continue lamenting a loss, let alone in the grave of the one who has forsaken us forever.
Prayers are rolling from a religious leader, I hope Papa is forgiven all his sins, received all his goodness and got the best place in Heaven.
I give you a sprinkling of flowers as a final tribute to Papa. My tears temporarily subsided, considering that Papa would leave quietly if we were to be patient with his departure, despite missing him so much.
Returning to the house filled with mourners, I stared for a moment at the house. Now, there was no longer someone sitting on the porch reading the newspaper, accompanied by a cup of coffee and greeting when I came home, no more jokes Papa. Loss will always be felt in that house.
***
After the mourners came home, Papa and Mama-in-law said goodbye. The living room became the place where we gathered tonight after cleaning up after the event.
"Mama, sorryin Cantika .., Cantika already knows everything, sorry Cantika Ma," he said begging.
Mama is still flinching, she is still limp about to lose a figure who is her soulmate and it seems difficult for Mama to forgive Cantika.
"What's the matter exactly?" I was trying to figure out what happened.
Aunt Hana holds my shoulder.
"Here you go, let your Mama rest, now is not the time to apologize, it's too late" Aunt Hana told Cantika.
"Ma, Mama ...," Cantika roared with no regard for the surroundings. Denis, try to calm down.
I was confused because I didn't know what had happened before. Aunt Hana told Mama to come in and rest in the room. Mama immediately moved on, being swept away by Sani and Bila, regardless of Cantika who kept calling her.
"Denis, please take Cantika to her room, let her also rest first" Aunt Hana ordered.
"Well, Aunt Hana." Denis obeyed and seduced Cantika who was not always crying.
"No, Bi. I'm sorry to everyone." Cantika's voice sounded raucous in the mourning atmosphere in this room.
He's back sobbing.
"Know what?" I'm still confused in my grief there are still problems.
"I'm not your real sister ..," she said to surprise me, Denis and Surya were surprised to hear that.
"Do you know Cantika?" tanyaku.
Cantika nodded while wiping her tears.
"I'm sorry, Brother .., I shouldn't envy you, I should have known myself by my position, but since I too Papa had a heart attack that caused him to die ...."
He was getting sobbing regretting everything. However, the rice had become porridge. His regret could not change everything that had happened.
I sighed, "Everything's happened, Papa ain't here, ain't no use you're sorry about it, are you?"
She was silent and unceasingly crying, leaning on her husband.
"This is fate, Papa who is so good at taking care of you from baby to adult, you reply with such bad treatment. May Papa's kindness all this time widen his path to Heaven and this is a lesson for you, Cantika!" my growl.
"I'm sorry, brother!"
All in the room were silent, they let me vent my anger at the borderline-missing Cantika.
"Here you go, I'm gonna take a break."
I moved out of that room. Really tired of facing Cantika until this moment. I did not want my emotions to overflow at that time, where I felt I had lost my dear father figure. May all these events really turn him into a good one.
"Surya, accompany Valeria. You also have to rest," Aunt Hana said to Surya who nodded according to her.
Aunt Hana also stood up and went to the guest room. We all left Cantika with her regrets in the room.
***
"Darling, I can't believe your sister's been so bad to Papa and Mama. It turns out he's not even their real son."
Surya took the pajamas and changed his clothes.
"Yes, Papa and Mama never once did anything bad to Cantika. They love him like a child, so I don't even know that Cantika isn't my sister."
We were silent for a moment.
"Dear, you must be tired."
Surya hugged me from behind, making this feeling somewhat more comfortable because all day my heart and mind were drained on Papa's death.
***
"Denis, what should I do? They seem to be unwilling to forgive me. I'm confused Denis ...."
Cantika's tears have run out. All the violence of his heart was broken by a fact.
Denis was silent for a moment, as if thinking what Cantika should do.
"Do we have to leave this family, Denis??"
"Udah, don't be reckless Cantika. Right your brother said, make this a lesson, be nice. May they forgive you. Your mistake is fatal."
Cantika just bowed weakly, she felt the frequency of fetal movement in her stomach was increasing. He stroked his stomach.
Hopefully he can change his attitude for the better after this incident, Denis said.
"Udah, now rest first. Our baby needs enough rest."
Cantika only sighed, rubbing her sad face.