Ambiguity Between Us
Enam
Nayra sat on the lander (wood bridge) of the house at the back of his house, staring far away at the mangrove trees that if not for the bright light of the moon illuminate then invisible because of the thick of the night. Breezy sea breeze infiltrated through the trees mingled with the evaporating river water, making the night cold even though it can still be enjoyed.
However, that night Nayra did not intend to enjoy the night breeze or the bright moon and the glow in the river water.
"So far taqdir has told me stories so that I can understand, but none of it that I understand" Nayra said
Her memory was reminded of the pain 1 year ago.
***
"Nay, ana listen ustadz Azki intend to invite Nay ta'aruf. Congratulations to you!" the message was received via whatsApp sent by one of the wives of an ustadz in a boarding school.
Nayra who read the message was quite surprised, so she did not reply until a few days. The message was enough to occupy his mind. Naturally, at that time he was 22 years old, only worked for 1 year from the day of graduation. He is not ready to get married either. In her shadow she would marry 2 to 3 years after her sister's wedding. If it is already bertaaruf where it is possible to allow a long time to wait for the wedding time. Until he dared to reply to the message, only to respect the sender of the message.
"Nay, don't know about it yet" replied Nayra briefly.
Soon the message got another reply
"yes, ukh. Anti-denger later. It will be until the news goes to the anti" contents of the message from the woman.
Nayra just shut up.
A few days later, the news really came to the surface. Started to be the talk at the boarding school. The news began to be informed until Nayra's ears, in the name of Ustadz Azki wanted to nazhor (see the face) Nayra.
"if he really wants Nazhor with the intention of bertaaruf because he wants to get married, provide time and place. Sorry I don't want to give you a photo" replied Nay firmly.
From time to time Nayra tried to analyze the news he received.
"there has been no such thing as a strange scene from Ustadz Azki. It should come if it's true" Nayra thought
However, he could not deny he was happy with the news, but his heart was too afraid to really open. Like ordinary women, his heart began to be overgrown with excitement, although he himself was quite close to his words when talking to people about Azki. However, it was slowly he himself who opened the lock until the door of his heart was completely opened to a person named Azki.
His heart was so ashamed. He who has never loved someone learns to open his heart to people who don't really want him, then why do they treat him. The night after the news reached him, he cried so much at the back of his room in the boarding house. He didn't care who heard him that night, who he knew he had been hurt by a really unfunny joke.
"why, Nab?. Why me.? Why not another people?. What is my false,?. Never hurt someone in here? thats not funny? whys? they are having the right to make like that with me? " said Nayra. He deliberately uses his English although it is still not completely true, so that not everyone understands the meaning.
After that he decided to hang on for a few days, and busied himself outside for a few days. I wish he was at peace with his feelings. Nayra went home to Dad, working busier at MTs until she asked permission not to go home to the cottage, but to stay at a friend's house. After he had completely improved, he returned to the cottage with his usual attitude.
Remembering the words of his father, as strong as he tried to hold the hadith and the Koran.
"Nay, no one knows if your heart is hurt or not. No need to care about them, because they don't know if they hurt you or not. They do what they like. And it's stupid to get hurt because of those who don't care about your feelings. No need to care. Let's just say nothing happened. Go home. Do whatever you want, the important thing is not to hurt others, violate the Shari'a. Everything will be fine, and Nay will be fine". Long words dad told him.
Nayra who was fed up with the hurt feelings of her stupidity that opened her heart to uncertain news, really chose to think sanely.
"The Qur'an and the Hadith are there to keep mankind alive and well, my father is there to look after me so that I am also fine and unharmed because of others". think Nayra
From that moment on he did not care about matchmaking or voting anymore. He did not care about the good intentions of the men who were around the cottage to bertaaruf with him, on the grounds that he was still not interested in getting married, he was just trying to keep his heart from getting hurt again.
once one night, Mr. Rahman called Nayra personally to his house. Nayra went to see him after what he had been told.
The length of their discussion began from the state of the cottage, the princess who was under the supervision of Nayra, the cottage program, until finally the man spoke about his relationship with Azki.
"Nay, I really feel sorry for what happened between Nay and Ustadz Azki the other day, and I have not had time to meet Nay" said Mr. Rahman suddenly.
Nayra, who was not ready for the topic, chose silence to listen carefully to his words and put up a fence so that her heart would still be fine to get a sudden attack.
"actually you want to meet Nayra from yesterday, but not yet had time. That night after our meeting, we were still chatting late at night, and had a chance to joke about Nayra to Azki. However, he remained silent not to answer our jokes, choosing to smile. And it turns out his smile was taken seriously by an ustadz, and Nayra knows why it got to Nayra news" he explained.
"Truely Ustadz Azki. I'm too stupid" he said.
Nayra smiled behind her veil, laughing at her stupidity. Stupid no matter the scholar or not, he thought.
