AFTER YOU BETRAYED

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"Mom's tired of all this sir..!!" I said softly when we had just laid our bodies on an old wooden cot

"How else should the bune.. we have no other way..?" answer my husband

"Why does it seem, as hard as we work still never enough..?? when can we live well sir..? mom wants to be like that guy, too, sir, like the neighbors.. Have jewelry, have a nice bike..??!!" without feeling my tears flowing down my cheeks, I close my eyes to hold the pain in the chest.

flashes of flashes all the way throughout our wedding were present in plain sight, spinning one by one like a movie slide in a movie theater

Eighteen years ago, the beginning of my marriage journey with my husband who still accompanies my life.

everything feels beautiful, everything feels easy, even though we are only farmers, but our lives are never lacking.

especially after the birth of our first child, my husband who also worked as a farm worker, every day always got a job.until our kitchen still billowing every day

The only thing less than us was that we were still living with my parents, and every day there was always a quarrel between us. whether it was true or if it was just my feelings , I've always felt like you never loved me, my mother's treatment of me was so much different than her treatment of my two brothers.I don't know why, I don't know why, maybe it's also because I was born not as perfect as my two brothers, although my assumption is sometimes contrary to my conscience. that there cannot be in this world a mother who does not love her child no matter what the circumstances of her child.

I was more obedient, because honestly I wanted to avoid more fights with my mother, my mother who spoke always ugly, and I who could not control my emotions, she said, it often looks like fire and gasoline.

to be honest, I was still afraid of sin, especially I was afraid of being missed hating my mother and eventually becoming disobedient.

My in-laws house is very small, even still made of bamboo, although if I see it is actually a good house when viewed from the wood used as a buffer of the house building. Only a person with observant eyes could see that, and I as a child whose father worked as a carpenter could clearly tell that apart

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