When

5. Morikawa

There is no literature that teaches how a person becomes himself. It is he who shines around him that makes him learn. Baby winking, fingers that become a natural fan during hot weather, or tears that instantly flow when feeling sad.

When I arrived in Germany, I was the only Japanese who joined the German language school. I was like an alien among the other students. No one's got me. And I remembered one question from a friend. He told me that I was his first Japanese friend, and said one question at a time in our spare time.

"My professor once explained about being the first boy in a Japanese family. It's quite troubleshome, isn't it?"

He is an Englishman. Studied history during her first college. The question, however, raises a big question mark. What is the problem of being the first boy in a Japanese family? I was not the first child in the family, but I was the first child born to my mother.

Since I could not answer his question, he told me at length about his professor's lecture. It is mostly about the responsibilities and burdens that a first boy in a Japanese family must bear.

According to him, there has been a lot of writing on the topic. He even offered to read one of them. This situation is a little strange to me. He read a book about how the outside world sees Japanese people. Myself.

I was born Japanese. In a Japanese family. I grew up to be a Japanese. It was me and the world around me that shaped me. I did not read from the book to become a Morikawa, with all its advantages and disadvantages. So even though I was interested in reading it, but I did not continue.

However, the opportunity to settle for the first time abroad, opened my eyes. I'm not alone. And if there are times when I feel right, it turns out there are various arguments out there stating that not everything is entirely true and that it makes sense. I'm not angry about this situation. Accepting the difference is good.

What would happen if I wasn't here. I'm still Morikawa. But from my perspective, I am a better Morikawa now.

This Morikawa, set his life journey very accurately. According to my English friend, there is a history of Japanese surnames. It is taken from the circumstances surrounding the owner of the name, when they are ordered to start having one surname.

My family name is Morikawa. Mori means forest and Kawa means river. It is likely that my ancestors were part of a middle-level society working in the fields or fields. I nodded, the story made sense.

However, if any forest needed protection from wild plunder, I would be a forest that would remain untouched even if hundreds of decades had passed. And if there's a shallow river flow between the big rocks, I'm a fast-flowing river and I make it a waterfall at the end of a cliff.

Me and all my decisions. Like going to Germany. My first time to start a career. Two years passed quickly there, as an international student and also a handball athlete at a local Berlin club.

"What else did your professor say about the first boy?"

I asked my British friend.

I'm controlling. Am I part of that opinion? Realizing I was only skilled in sports and thoroughly polished it to look better in my family's eyes, instead of starting to work as an office employee who every day went out of the house with his neat work clothes. A way of life that my family would like more. Am I close to being the end of a generation?

"I heard you're going to Germany this year. Sasaki want what parting gift from me?"

A glass almost slipped down from my grip. The flow of water from the faucet makes it slippery but that is not the cause. Riya stood facing me. On my right side. He was there maybe 10 minutes ago.

He washes dishes while I wash the glasses. Our cleaning duties after the restaurant closed. However, none of the conversations came out. The question, is the first.

"I'm used to preparing gifts for friends who leave. So what do you want?"

Riya already knew about my departure to Germany. About my last day working at this restaurant. I didn't tell him directly. I chose not to do it. He'll know too. Because I've chosen the right person to be my partner. Although Riya's response wasn't as accurate as my prediction.

I still haven't forgotten how he looks. There was not the slightest smile etched on his lips. Why is this news not happy? Everyone is happy when they find out. Why isn't he? This news ruined his entire mood that night. For the first time we really didn't talk to each other in our shifts. He came home after finishing his work.

"What yes... shoes? Expensive sports shoes?"

Candaku while laughing and Riya smiled widely. But not with his eyes. Her beautiful eyes implied sorrow. And my laughter is gone. Maybe I'm the cause. And that is how humans are able to read the atmosphere. Over time, there was a time when he gasped, aware that he was able to do so.

"Ki ni shinasanna. (no need to think)"

I said slowly to restore the atmosphere to be better. Both hands reached for the washed glass, bringing it back into the cooling machine for storage.

"I'll think of a parting gift for you, because I promised to give it."

Those words were his last words that night. Soon after, he bids Tenchou to end the shift, sits at the corner of the counter to eat his dinner, then goes home.

From another corner of the room, I briefly threw a glance at him. Riya is not in my life plan at the moment. But is he also forbidden to be in my life forever? At least from my family's glasses. Morikawa.