When
3. Morikawa
Kakasenai mono is a phrase in Japanese, capable of transforming one ordinary thing into a very essential one at a given moment. Like drinking beer when you eat grilled meat. It is irreplaceable.
Similarly, every morning with a bowl of hot rice, natto, and soy sauce. How can a day be missed without it. For me, the answer is only one. It could have been. It happened to me 4 years ago. Conditions that came with exact predictions, but still surprising.4 years ago, my breakfast started with bread, milk, and nuts. However, this made half of my life slowly fade away.
Now 4 years later, I am in Kyoto, my hometown. It's been 2 years and I'm back to my old habits, hot rice, natto, and soy sauce. My life is like coming back to the shaft.
How did things become so important at one particular moment? Like how people need local popcorn while watching in the cinema. Like my habit of soaking in hot water at night before going to bed. Like every Tuesday and Thursday at my part-time work restaurant with the owner of those beautiful eyes.
This is the third month we worked together. Today, Tuesday, after the departure of the last customer, I just placed the last bottle crate on the front of the restaurant, as it came to me. Slowly he said,
"Sasaki, I have a presentation this Friday. I think it's also good to introduce my part-time job. So I need one photo together to put on the slideshow. Can you?"
My face is red. Might as well. I didn't answer and he waited for that answer. We exchanged looks. It's been 3 months, and I'm still not used to the look in his eyes. Her beautiful, rounded eyes, with long, perfectly curled lashes, frame her. His black eyeballs that were as clear as the sky at night, were alluring. I just nod. What's wrong with a photo together?
"We. together."
He added, pointing to other friends who are still busy with their cleaning work. Also appointed our more relaxed tenchou, leaning against the wall behind the counter, his head slightly turned to the left to see the broadcast from the TV mounted on the opposite wall. And I realized. Oho! Certainly not a photo of both. But together. Along with the others.
I want him to understand that I fully understand his point. I nodded back quickly. I didn't want him to know that I was wrong. If there was a mirror back then, I just wanted to know how my face would look. How stupid of you, Morikawa.
He also slowly smiled. The corners of his lips slightly formed an arch. But her beautiful eyes never changed much. Many times I envy how much more he can express when with other friends.
Like the others, I want him to laugh when he jokes with me. I wanted to see her eyes narrow, while raising one eyebrow while talking about one serious thing with me. I want her to smile sweetly, then slightly tilt her head while looking at me. But I never got it. I wanted it, but decided not to ask for it.
An hour ago, he finally came home. There was a last train he had to catch. If not, he will return on foot to his place of residence. Looking for time, I came to the tenchou. My dinner is over and the rice bowl is already washed.
"This year I plan to return to Germany."
I started this serious conversation. Tenchou's eyes were wide. He was a little surprised, which I had expected, then smiled widely.
"I just received an offer to play for a semi-professional handball club in one of the German cities. I'll play with them starting this fall."
I have worked with him for two years. Which so far, puts me as the most senior part-time worker, in terms of time and age.
"So Morikawa-kun will be here until what month?"
This is truly happy news for me. One of my life plans is realized. But the question of when I'm going to work here fades the smile on my face.
"25 August."
Two more months. And that word is heavy. Similar to its weight letting a distance form between me and the woman. Maybe now he's asleep in his dorm room.
Tenchou bowed his body, saying thank you for all my hard work.
Farewell is always sad. It's like my breakfast in Germany 4 years ago. Predicted, but still surprising. And I don't expect every part of my 2-year memory here to be that bowl of hot rice, natto, and soy sauce. Riya, the name of the woman, is also included in it.
My life is full of order and plans. And at this one moment, Riya was never listed in it. And so, not making it a mono kakasenai in my life, in the midst of our brief encounter, for me was the wisest decision I made. With heavy heart. Because honestly, I can't leave by leaving behind a single feeling. That feeling of saying that without her, would make half my life feel slowly fading away.
