The Waves That Never Exit

The waves hit again

The days I spent being happy because my grandfather always comforted me he was the best grandfather of my life, every time I go to the fields I look for my grandfather in the woods if he's not in his pocket and ask him to come home with me. I'm really sorry about my grandfather, he always advised me that I could be a good child even if my parents were not around. It didn't feel like I was almost over my school holidays and I told my grandfather that tomorrow I might not see him because I was feeling unwell, it's true that tomorrow I got a fever from soybeans and then I rested at home that day and I thought hopefully tomorrow I could go to the field to see my grandfather but it turns out the next day I got news from my om it turns out that my grandfather has died and really I do not know what to do that day pain my feelings because just now I can calm down after passing my parents and now my grandfather again went to the Lord, in my heart raging muttering "O Lord why else would You make me hurt again, what is my fault God and what You want on me. Rock alone can collapse if hit by a storm continues what else I am God", from the day my grandfather died I didn't want to talk to anyone so much that I felt like I was going crazy, the night I was guarding my grandfather's corpse I was lying near his corpse crying I didn't know who else I could tell my story about because my grandfather had slept quietly, until I finally fell asleep next to my grandfather's corpse, the next day when we buried my grandfather I felt my life was so empty and I could only give up the trials that befell me this time..., when I came home I felt more and more that my life was becoming meaningless because the silence was getting gripping in my mind..I can only mutter "O Lord what do You want from my life?, I can only murmur "O Lord what do You want from my life?, I really can't....". It didn't feel like my school break was over and I had to drop off and take the National exam, when I was working on that day, it was really my brain that couldn't be used to think...it's not working I also tangent, when I try to answer well always crossed the picture of my father, mother, grandfather and all the events that happened to me, I also tried to be quiet and pray for a moment "O Lord maybe I was angry with You for giving me this hard ordeal, he said, but today I beg you not to hate me but help me to live my life in the future and be able to pass my National Examination very well, please listen to my entire do'a and this plea. Amen", though", I began to answer about me again which only about 30 minutes will end and it turns out that God did not leave me I could do all the problems peacefully that day until the exam was over three days later, we dropped out of school even though the exam was over...as long as we went down to school I was always a passionate human being until my teacher found it hard to put my smile back on as I used to, no matter how much they make me laugh, one day my teacher asked

"Where will you go to school if you graduate?"

I also replied "i don't know also sir because I'm still tangent, there's a word my brother I will be picked up for school to Palangkaraya but I also want to go to SMK school majoring in agriculture"

my teacher said "later if you already know the final decision do not not not tell me yes Ra....!"

I said "he sir...."

after that conversation I sat pensively by myself to see my friends who were playing volleyball, after we returned home in the middle of the trip cousin asked

"Where are you going?"

answer me "i don't know Tika.mau where because we've still not stated pass, later I will tell you that we really pass..."

in the middle of the trip we stopped at a stall and bought ice with Rira and Dendu, we walked home and ate the ice we just bought while joking together and did not feel like I had reached my parents' house and we separated, after that segwra I change clothes and cook my favorite soto banjar noodles with chicken eggs, I swiftly took care of all the work myself quickly because I had an appointment with them earlier that we would meet my grandfather's house to relax together, after my homework was done I immediately went there to meet them, we also made a plan that if we all graduated we would make a small party making chicken soup and then invite friends and neighbors around, time was increasingly not felt to pass as well as our togetherness was almost over, until the most thrilling moment arrived we went down to school and asked by the teachers to wait in the hall, he said, where his orders we will be called one by one to the office to see our passing is not smooth, I sat quietly that day waiting for the call after a long time I waited for the time when my name was called my teacher

my teacher said "next I call again a student named Dira, please go to the teacher's room"

I also moved from the seat and then to the teacher's room, when I arrived in front of the room

"excuse me sir"

my homeroom teacher said "yes go to Ra....!"

then I went in and my teacher said

"wait.we'll see if you pass" as her finger points at our graduation sheet looking for my name and "ah.This is your name and it turns out you didn't pass Ra"

I pu paused for a moment calmly saying

"he sir"

my teacher said "didn't graduate.Do you have any plans to move or stay here?"

my teacher said, "are you not ashamed to join your class?"

I said, "no, no, no matter what happens, I'll keep repeating at this school"

my teacher said "you are indeed a strong child Ra maybe your friend will not be able to like you, okay then try to see in this paper Ra!"

then my teacher showed me my name on the paper but I didn't want to see because I believed what he said, so my teacher forced me to look once more at the paper he pointed to

"ayo Ra look at it!"

I looked closely at my name and it turned out that I was declared a graduate, I didn't feel my tears falling and I couldn't stop and I couldn't talk at that time and my teacher said "have Ra not cried you pass, just when I told you you didn't graduate you didn't cry but why after you found out you graduated crying instead?"

I said, "I cried because my father was not honest than I was. My heart hurts sir because of that"

my homeroom teacher said "he's sorry.I just want to see Ra's determination!"

I said "he sir.I also say thank you sir"

while crying my tears never stopped I shook hands with my homeroom teacher and principal Mr. Kristopel, my principal said

"Yes, you must be a successful child!"

I said, "he sir, I promise to try to succeed"

when I came out my friends were waiting outside the office and hugged me, they said, "let's not cry!" we hugged each other to say goodbye that day, we came home happy and arrived at my friend's house and my cousin came

"Ra do you remember our promise to cook when we graduate?"

I said "he...I remember and when do we start?"

they said "yes.today is Ra...."

we went to buy everything we needed and that day we cooked soup, then invite friends and neighbors to eat together in our thanksgiving framework together because the four of us can graduate together and can continue school to High School, I was pensive "so will I someday be God?", will I be able to get through it or not?".