The Waves That Never Exit

Chapter 3 Starts an uphill battle

Since my mother and father died my life felt so lonely, my heart felt empty and my days felt colorless again.."a struggle this hard will begin" I thought, "yes....Lord please do not let go of my hands always God so that I am not lost until I grow up", it is a prayer that is always there every time I pray because I am so afraid to take the journey of life that I know for sure it is very heavy. After the funeral of my mother and father I went to the hospital to accompany my sister for the surgery of her broken leg and hand due to the accident, when I met my sister there was not a word I could say other than tears flowing, so she was confused to see me so and said "sister what is brother crying? I'm fine brother", I can only cuddle in front of him with tears and he said again "later if I'm healed we meet mamah and papah ya to palangka, and he said again "later, later we go for a walk..eat ice cream with my brother and we go to the exhibition later brother, because the word aunt and papah waiting for us there and they in keadaab is fine, brother, we had an accident yesterday after we went to Carmel Hill to pray", he said", like in the lightning bolt my feeling of hearing my sister's ravings at that time to the point that my tears were increasingly flowing so that I decided to go to the room where my sister was treated, I cried with all my might so that I could stop the tightness in my chest so that I could be calmer, until finally after I can calm down then I go in and able to speak well to my sister, after I entered she spoke again "not out of where long?, how long?, my feet swollen my feet said the doctor broke" I replied "he de..ga papa tomorrow we will operate on your feet to stop swelling and you will be able to walk again de..." said my sister "i'm afraid my sister will get sick" said I "don't be afraid de.it doesn't hurt later brother asked that his doctor anesthetize you so it doesn't hurt" said ade ku "he sis but I promise tomorrow accompany me yes.." said I "ok calm later brother accompany as long as you have to be brave, must be a strong child yes....so that we can quickly go home and meet mamah and papah" said my sister "asik.later I can meet mamah and papah....". My heart was heartbroken because I had to lie that day to my sister, feeling unbearable to keep lying to her until the time I had to take her to the operating room the next day, my sister said "come on, you have to come later" I said "he.." We were asked by the nurse to go to the operating room that morning, on our way I prayed "God please protect my sister so that the operation can run well God, only to you I leave everything God both anxiety and fear in this heart amen", upon arrival in front of the operating room my sister had a chance to cry because she did not see me and I went in and said "don't be afraid there is a brother de...qm must be strong so that we can meet mamah and papah", after that he was injected by a doctor and he had said "sister.I was afraid..." I said "don't be afraid there is a God and brother who will always be faithful to keep you here de.., let's close your eyes slowly and tell God protect me God", he began to close his eyes with his hand still clasping my hand tightly, after a few minutes later his arm began to weaken.then I said to the doctor "already the doctor he's asleep" said the doctor "oh he...we will immediately bring your sister to the operating room yes.." said I "he doc...", I went out of the room and sat in front of the operating room with tears I cried bitterly because I thought of how I could take care of my sister without my parents again, I was confused and after five hours I waited for the doctor to finally come out of the operating room and convey "the operation's over and your sister's fine", I immediately went to see my sister and pushed her bed into the treatment room and when we arrived at the treatment room my sister suddenly woke up and said "sister....you where I can't see my brother.My eyes are blind.", then I immediately held his hand and said "it's okay...that dope reaction is gone is like that later you will be fine after the next few hours", he was silent and stopped showing fear on his face. The next day my sister gave it to my aunt to accompany her to be sick until she was allowed to go home, because I have to go back to the village where we live because my permission at school is up so I have to go back, when I left I told my sister that I was going home crying she said "i'm alone.." I tried to comfort her "fuck....kamukan has promised to be a strong child so that he can recover quickly and can meet mamah papahakan....brother came home because he was called by the teacher from the school sister to enter the school again.., because the brother many..." he nodded and agreed and I took the bus with my aunt-in-law. We also arrived at the village where I live and I went home to my parents and aunty who accompanied me also came home to my grandparents, when I went into the house it felt like it wasn't as beautiful as it used to be and then I lay down in my room and cried after that I got up again, went to the kitchen to cook rice...in the midst of my loneliness my grandfather also came to see me "cu you do not need to cook later to eat at grandfather's house ya...!" then I said "tomorrow cake because I've cooked rice" my grandfather said if you're afraid to sleep where Grandpa cu is" I said "no thank you cake but I have to sleep in this house until the last forty days mamah and papah kek" said my grandfather "he...grandpa comes home and grandpa comes with you at home" I said "he's a cake", after taking a bath and eating I immediately light a candle because in Christianity it is mandatory before not forty days. On that silent night I lay down with a small candle burning I slept quietly after I prayed to God, the next day I went to school I happened to have just ascended to third grade Junior High, I went through the days without my parents and my sister and brother with the emptiness of my heart through the days that made me half crazy back then, let alone jest...even laughing I can not afford because of the exposure of life that I do not understand but I have to live.