The Various Kinds of Stories

What Is Love - JAl

One taste that I once held full is listed on the phrase no mention. I once called a name slowly imprint, only God and I know how to block the story. Silent crawling reaches never touch, silent steps hidden survive dwelling without ever being conveyed. Only my smile implied feeling, without words, without sure sentences, not once did I dangle in lip-stacking gestures.

Is that love?

A word I've been pondering before. The twilight ringed in rhythm towards night, in the middle of a tinge of dim sunlight caressing my forehead. The heat is mixed with the rancid smell of clove tobacco that is smoked slowly. Black coffee speaks in its bitterness, life is not as sweet as you think. Just stick to the palate that plays, but I'm happy about it.

The reflection did not find a point why everyone wanted to embrace love.

Isn't that simple? Loving someone is so sincere with a myriad of stories that have ever happened. Merge on that holy Saturday night, sitting both under the lap of a long chair in the crowded city square. Then, tell me about the dreams of the future to always be together.

It's bullshit!

I told you, man. Love is the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard. All the definitions of the philosophers about the heart flower only led to the point where I clung to silence without anyone. Silence sat with all the memories that began with her sweet smile, and ended when the meeting did not speak properly.

I turned back to reflect, what is love?

Cool hotel ballrooms with large air conditioners installed at every corner. People talk to each other about a past story that deserves to be re-discussed. Some places are empty, people begin to stand at a friendly gathering point. For people who do not care still loyal to the food that is added many times, stupid period with formalities.

I stood in the corner of the ballroom holding a goblet filled with delicious wine that refreshed my mind. If my free soul is turbulent, I'd like to burn tobacco at a formal event like this. I told you, stupid with formality. I don't care, but I try to appreciate it. My low standards of ethics are as much as I can fence off the aesthetic threshold I'd love to remove.

A woman approached me. Those sunglasses I got to know when he was squeaking. Her dress touched the floor, her hair was mesmerizingly alluring to the eyes. I suddenly flinch, the memories remind me of him.

"Hi, Ariq," he said. "How are you?"

"Still as usual, boring without you." I smile.

"A good at flirting? Where to learn?" ask Freya.

I put down the cup. "From my silent past."

"Sok's poetic! Never mind, I hate it when you say something like that."

He stood leaning against the ballroom wall with me as he looked at the people who were huddling there.

"Where do you work now?" He looks.

"Hmm .. 5 years is about yes."

"I'm a consultant at a company" I replied.

"Well, your job is good. Hmm. .. Your life must have been fun."

I'm shaking. "You think the fun is just money?"

"Hm ... I mean it's not that. Of course your life is happier than some people here."

"If you? Already happy?" my many.

His head went down. Her lips kept her smile.

"I wasn't happy before this adventure ended. I still haven't found that spot."

"Hey, that's it. .. Good thing your family's rich. How many more places do you want to go?"

"The adventure is not over, my friend, I still want to visit many places, until I get to an end. I'll quit everything because I'm happy."

I don't know, that kid was free. In fact, freer than me who was very rebellious in the midst of family restraints back then. His face did not change in the slightest, remaining bright even though it was hot under the hot sun waiting for an answer. His steps are certainly far from me thanks to his hobby of visiting many places. It is not a problem for him to go alone, the important thing is that he is free even in the middle of the forest.

I want to tell you that everything that happened is a series of interrelated stories. Right where I am still alone and still want to be embraced by solitude. The past that had made me lulled by love stories, to the present place where I was.

Far from the time frame I run for you, passed five years back from this last breath. Where I set foot in the faculty of economics with one of the most beautiful women of her time. A smile that blends into each interlocutor, looking down embarrassed when he was praised, until soft speech when he said. His pace was slow like the palace princess walking, every man greeting to simply share the fake attention.

Still stuck in memory at those times. The myriad of college assignments that often make me pensive. In fact, musings can not solve the problem if this hand does not swing to work it. The theories of the bespectacled fat lecturer never made me understand, the dialectical pretentious presentation of his idealistic mind often became my joke with him.

"I want a happy moment." He stopped at the end of the corridor where students usually gathered.

"What are you not happy about now?" my many.

"It's been happy, you've always been there. But that's not enough. Happiness is volatile, man," Aulia replied.

"Don't you say that father's word. Flucluative is too high for my brain." I pulled two benches for him.

He welcomed the bench I gave him. Our eyes are on the student discussion discussing the material near us.

"Being happy is never dynamic. It will go up and down like monetary. Haha...." He laughed.

"You're watching the father too much."

"Aulia," I said. I opened the bag I was holding. A sketch of her smiling face after a thesis seminar a few days ago. There is something I regret, my step is too far to pursue him who will graduate. "Congratulations .. I'll catch up."

He shut his mouth in disbelief. So far we've been close friends, I've never given her anything like this. My buried aunt, I forced her to come out for her sake.

"Thank you very much!" He welcomed my gift.

"Wait for me, Aulia. One thing you never knew, I shut down a long time ago" I said. "I like you."

The long hanging word of love is never answered. Just a glimmer of those confusing symbols that I reasoned from him. Never did I say love, I was afraid that she would reject me gently. I never said if I really wanted to have it, I was afraid that it would shake me. The one thing I was happy about, that woman never stayed away from me. Humiliated by the humility of love that never touched me at all.

"I'll wait for you until that time comes." Aulia's eyes glazed over. He wiped his tears for a moment "Thank you for being with me until now."

My heart cannot speak. The promise I made will be remembered in the memory sheet. The word that has been spoken so far simply implies a gray destiny regarding the future. Will it be mine? Or the possession will never come my way. The heartwriting will be key in the promise. His name has long been engraved, will never fade along with all the words he has ever spoken. That promise, that promise I always remember until anytime.

The promise he made was still held, even though it was not entirely mine. His eyes always left a meaning. His smile was not as usual this heart-shaking. Touch her soft hand, often approaching on the sidelines of light talk we do. Happiness while this was happening, I enjoyed whatever was happening.

Our respective commitments are handheld and kept from being violated. Not having a special relationship with someone so special, without the right to have each other. We walked in each other's steps with eyes glaring at each other on different paths. As much as possible we reject the love that comes to be left to the promise that was once said.

Again what I said to you, man. I don't really have that woman, rather I don't have her, although I hope that one day we will have each other. Slowly the definition of love I get from the musings of my weapons.

_Love doesn't have to have _.

Is there a love that does not have? It happened to me with him. Only commitment keeps us in the corridor. I don't think of him as a lover, nor does he. We waited for each other, without having to demand for forced love.

It was so happy to see her graduation, while I had to wait another year to do that. Very happy to hear the news he got a scholarship to continue his studies, while I was still stuck with various painful things called revisions.

One day he took me and his close friends on vacation in a city with a wide coastline. The excursion with him was enough to comfort me who was struggling to finish my studies. The thought that was hampered by the thick lecturer pen, I could slowly forget thanks to the roar of Aulia's happy smile. He will continue his studies abroad.

"We'll be separated soon" I said in her hotel room.

"Any meeting will always have a farewell, Ariq." He sits on the bed. His feet were folded over the other leg. "We can only accept. Nor do I guarantee that we will always meet like this. There'll be a time when we'll be apart."

"You're gonna keep that commitment, right?" my spoken. "A minute, wait for me. I promise I will one day make you completely mine."

"Ariq," he said. Face lowered. "You're always next to me. However, I also do not guarantee that we will be together someday. You deserve someone better than me."

"Until this moment, you're the best."

He shook. "Ariq, can you judge destiny with just the last second that you live? So did I. Maybe one day I'll find a better one too."

"You mean, I'm not the best?" my many. The question sounds ambiguous.

"Not so, understand Ariq .. we will live each other's lives. Doesn't rule out the possibility of you finding someone else out there."

"I always keep that commitment. That's what kept me going until now. How many women approached me ended up in vain. I never looked at them for you."

"That's because you're stupid, Ariq. You never want to judge others. Why should I?"

I'm speechless. His words were not made sense by my mind for a purpose. He is what I want, not someone else.

"There is something different about you, Aulia," I said. "Something's going on?"

He shook. Her tears fell for a moment.

"I feel comfortable with you. You've been nice to me every time. You never say a lie, always be honest with me. So is next. I don't know...." He stood staring at the glass and wiped his falling tears. "I don't feel love with you. A relationship should be built on love. I want to pull that commitment."

I fell silent with a face that I considered treason. All the moments that we have been through all this time were instantly shattered apart. The smile I gave her, I was eager to pull because I felt like I didn't want to smile after hearing that sentence. I always put her forward, but I don't know if she doesn't feel the same way. I'm stupid, I'm too naive.

The one thing I have now concluded, he never loved me.

The straight coastline is lit by the dim light of the sun to the west. The birds withdrew from the air, returning to land to meet his waiting family. The smell of the sea contrasts me with the sound of the waves that repeatedly make me sob. It was so loud, like a storm I felt. He rejected me firmly.

My suitcase held, my hand with a glass of wine to forget what happened. Tonight, to be exact, I went home without her knowledge. A letter I just left right on the doorstep of Aulia's hotel saying that I was happy to have it, accompanied by a congratulatory prayer because she was going away to a land of people.

Behind the sound of the waves exclaiming, there was a woman drenchedly stepping towards me. His face is a face I know. He was one of the friends brought by Aulia. A bucket he brought towards me with a dim face turned to the sun.

"Well, you're Ariq Aulia's friend, right?" ask the woman. He stared strangely as he pointed at the hotel not far from the coastline. "You want to go home now?"

"I want to travel" I said.

"Well, your taste is great." He stepped far behind me and picked up a large bag lying there. Not long after, he came back to sit next to me. "I like to wander."

I saw a black bucket of shells and some live crabs. This kid looks weird, even though his face is pretty sweet.

"My name is Freya." He put his hands together to shake. "I'm Aulia's friend from another faculty."

I welcome his hand to shake hands. "You already know my name, right?"

"Yes, you're Ariq. Looks like you like Aulia. I saw it from your eyes."

"At least not for now."

"Well, you're pretty honest with the new guy. You should've dodged it." He took over the bottle of wine, and poured it into his mouth. His face was wry with the bitter taste of the water. "Wine? You must be fighting with Aulia."

"He rejected me."

"Hm ... I don't understand about love. However, just so you know .. Life is not just love. The world is vast, love is only a small part."

I saw a crab moving around in the bucket. "What are those crabs doing?"

He took out a small pot and mini stove typical of mountain climbers children. "You hungry? Let's fry this little crab."

"May, add this wine may be delicious."

He was silent to see my face. "That's it, man ... You're still young. Love is too early to make you fall. What kind of face is that. It's too much for people to talk to me with a moody face like you."

The little crab he split in two, then washed using sea water. Some of the crabs were boiled fifteen minutes while enjoying the sun that began to sink in the west. The frying pan boils, causing a gurgling that radiates when the crab is fried together. The woman's hand shrewdly flipped using her tiny hand. When it was all over, he gave me one to taste.

Our smiles clashed against each other in the dim of a silent night. His face looked up at the sky after tasting a glass of wine.

"You're leaving now?" ask Freya.

I nodded. There is no longer any reason for me to survive. It's been broken in a twilight.

"Send my regards to Aulia." I'm standing.

"Okay, that's your right." He's transporting his stuff. "May we meet again with each other's choices."

We ended the meeting with a hand.

That separation left a long trail on my heart. After five long years, nothing amazing happened but working monotonously in the office. Traces of taste in the revealed taste now I throw away. True to what Freya said five years ago, the world is too narrow to think of love. However, I haven't found anything big besides that, even the whole world.

Five years later, Freya's face grew older. The skin is a little brown thanks to the lingering on the beach. Suddenly his hands clapped to hear the group of people welcome the flower bucket thrown by the couple who were holding hands there.

Aulia is happy here. His dream of happiness has finally come true. He is at the end of your discovery of love. Their smiles were bathed in a happy wedding celebration. Never mind, I don't want to get stuck in this atmosphere. The man who once lived in my story has now found the right person.

I went to step out. However, Freya's hand held me back.

"Want to end my adventure?"

His face looked on expectantly.

***