The story of the Gigolo

Numbness

That night I called Alrik to accompany me to Bandung.

Only Alrik was on my mind, and I was sure He would be ready to accompany me.

Throughout the journey I could not talk.

I just cried and beat myself up, repeatedly blaming myself for assumptions I made.

By the time Alrik arrived at my apartment with two of my other friends.

He saw me sitting in the corner with swollen eyes.

My eyes hurt because I was crying so hard.

Alrik san my two friends helped me to sit on the couch.

Alrik got me a drink, a few minutes I can't talk.

I just gave you a hospital address.

" Please take me there "Say me in a weak tone "

Armed with Google Maps Alrik drove to Bandung carrying me who was not stopping crying.

My heart is so broken, it hurts so much. My chest is tight, my body is limp.

In my mind, I just want to die with my parents.

My friend tried to calm me down. But nothing can calm me down now.

We've arrived at the hospital. Alrik swiftly searched for information about the car accident at KM twenty.

I was helped to walk by my two friends. Towards the morgue.

The hope that both my parents are alive is no longer there.

In front of the body room we met Mr. Sugeng who received my call.

He told me the chronology of what happened. Papa's car drove at a fast speed and probably because the driver sleepy the car so lost balance to the right lane.

When the driver regained consciousness, he slammed the steering wheel to the left and hit the road divider.

The car rolled over before stopping because it hit a roadblock.

Mama, Papa and A Maman died at the scene and did not get help.

We are welcome to enter the mortuary.

When the officers opened the wardrobe of Mama and Papa's dead bodies, my cries broke.

Alrik embraces the curse to give strength.

Because I was finally unconscious.

As long as I passed out, Alrik took care of everything.

He shared the task with two of my friends who happened to be Bandung people as well.

They asked Alrik to inform the head of RT on my estate.

The bodies will be bathed in our house and buried in TPU near my house.

While Alrik takes care of the process of returning Mama and Papa from the hospital to the funeral home.

Even when I realized I still couldn't talk.

I just kept quiet and couldn't figure out what.

Alrik who informed my extended family, informed my friends in Whatsapp group SD to SMA.

Alrik also reported to friends Mama and Papa through the Whatsapp group on Mama and Papa's mobile phone handed over by the Police.

Even in the ambulance I could only cry and hold Mama's hand.

If you see from your face there is no wound at all, just look bruised.

But it turns out that a hard impact on the head of Mama and Papa resulted in the death of both.

It was five o'clock in the morning when we got home.

There are a lot of people gathered in my house.

They are the people around who helped the funeral process of Mama and Papa.

The people who bathed Papa's body asked me to kiss or hug Papa one last time.

I was in a very painful cry.

" I'm sorry Alfred Pa hasn't been able to rejoice Mama and Papa "My whisper in Papa's ear.

" Help Alfred to stay strong yes Ma, Pa live the rest of Alfred's life without Mama and Papa "My words in my heart.

Family and friends started coming to my house.

They ask how chronological it is and Alrik tells it all.

Ads that say not expect, some say too soon and some other comments.

Why the bereaved, the bereaved, must explain to everyone who came how all this happened.

And to stand up and hold back from crying is heavy for me.

Eight o'clock in the morning Mama and Papa are buried.

I braced myself to come down and take Mama and Papa to his final resting place.

I hold my tears, I strengthen myself so that Mama and Papa can rest in peace.

Many of my friends were present and my ex was present.

Aunt Vero also sent me a bouquet of flowers and sent me a message, and asked me to be steadfast and strong through all this.

Of all who came and said condolences, there was no Vein there.

Although Alrik had preached it, but he did not return a word.

Maybe I should just let go like I let go of my parents.

It's been three days since Mama and Papa's return.

I stood on the balcony of a luxury penthouse with a glass of wine of number one quality.

Hefty fortune for the size of a twenty-year-old.

But it can't make me happy.

All this money feels bad. The money I've been chasing for years, until I do things I shouldn't.

I do anything for money even by selling myself.

But the irony now is that I don't think all that money gives me happiness.

It's the last day I'm staying in the penthouse. I've talked to Aunt Vero if I'm gonna stop being his cat.

Luckily Aunt Vero understood my condition and didn't ask me much, or didn't care if I didn't.

I'm going back to my old apartment. Because being in this penthouse tortures me so much.

I remember the last time I spent with my parents.

I remember having lunch and dinner together, remember watching tv together, chatting about Papa's restaurant.

Even when we enjoyed the sunset that day.

Just like I did today. The difference is I enjoy the sunset without any taste.

The food you cook, I eat every day.

I enjoyed it as if it was my last meal.

Mama's cooking accompanied me for a week, as if after a week Mama and Papa were no longer with me.

I enjoy all the loss and loneliness myself. In this penthouse, the last place I felt happiness.

Now I feel numb to anything. Even a few times I thought about killing myself jumping from this penthouse.

But somehow until now I haven't done it.

I know Mom and Dad loved me very much.

I have faith that Mama and Papa want me to live happily even without them.

Only that belief still keeps me alive, not until when.