The Love of the Past

Does He Love You?

“I'll try to talk to Nayra. I also do not want to see him constantly daydreaming and spending his time in the room. He's changed, Zayn, not as happy as he used to be. Maybe if you guys finish it right now, Nayra won't be moody anymore.”

“I'm sorry, Mom. I'm really sorry.”

“Yes already, I persuaded Nayra first so she would like to see you. Solve your problems well, yes.”

"Yes, thank you."

“I hope this time Rara wants to see me and will listen to all my explanations.” Zayn nodded while looking at the back of Fatimah who was walking into the house.

After a few minutes Zayn waited, Nayra finally came out alone without her mother. He looked weak, walking lazily as if his steps were heavy. He approached Zayn, Nayra's wheelchair was right in front of Zayn who was blocked by a small table.

Nayra was still silent without looking at Zayn. However, in contrast to the man, he kept paying attention to Nayra.

"What do you want to talk about? Hurry on! I don't have long" Nayra said with a blank look.

"I .. I want to incarnate everything without any lies, Ra." Zayn tapped his index finger on the table, a sign he was a little groggy.

"Ra, about the feelings I've had for you all this time, it's true, I'm really sincere about loving you. You need to know, all this time my marriage was not at all happy with him."

"Where is it possible? You look so happy with the little family portrait you showed me." Nayra smiled cynically, trying to cover up her sadness.

"Please Ra, let me incarnate everything first. Don't cut me off, so you don't misunderstand me" Zayn pinta in a soft tone.

"All right."

"Two years ago, after I knew you. I was betrothed by my uncle to a woman of family choice, her name was Shera. It also included the trust of my parents before I died, since college. I don't love her at all, Ra. In fact, I thought I would succeed in divorcing her, so I never told you about this matter, because I was sure I would live with you in the future."

So long Zayn's explanation was only listened to Nayra without looking at the man in front of her, he always underestimated Zayn's words with a cynical smile engraved on his lips.

Zayn took a deep breath and threw it away slowly a little stifled. He felt claustrophobic about his character, afraid that he would hurt Nayra's feelings again and again.

"I thought I'd be free once I got divorced and could continue our relationship. But in reality, she was pregnant before I started to run her, even though I never touched her. I don't know who she's pregnant with. It's definitely not me. It all adds up to my resentment towards her, "she said with a bit of emotion.

"It looks like you want to divorce him after you say kabul in front of his parents. It's great! What kind of man is that, just as you are playing with marriage!" nayra's growl against Zayn.

"Rara ... understand how I feel just a little, please! I married her just to live the trust of my parents, but I didn't promise her a lifetime. I can divorce him at any time if you want" Zayn said with conviction and hatred for his wife.

Meanwhile, Nayra was silent. Digesting all of Zayn's confessions that he knew were hard to believe anymore.

"Then?" nayra asked after Zayn looked at her, expecting a response from her.

"Did he love you?" Nayra's question instantly made Zayn's heart even more bitter.

"I guess, same. He doesn't love me either" she explained with a hint of doubt. He is not sure if Derminiknya or not, because all this time Dera was just plain to Zayn, even he treated her like a husband in general.

"How do you know? Or have you never asked him? Love it or not, obviously her status is as your wife. She is a girl, and I am a girl too. I'm sure there will be no one among us who will want to be prayed for" said Nayra, slowly he began to normalize his mind that had been in turmoil since.

"Ra, I never asked him that. But, if she was related to another man until becoming pregnant, what was it worth to be called a wife? Don't keep cornering me, I beg you! Understand my current position, Ra.”

“You want to be understood, but you never know how I feel to be treated like this. Very funny!”

Nayra stared intently at him, so Zayn was unable to reply. The view is hard to interpret. Either anger mixed with sadness or indeed was holding back his emotions. On the other hand, compassion and love are the main reasons to sympathize with the beloved ex.

"When you touch it or not, your son or not, I don't care and it's none of my business. So, you better go back to your wife. Live with your family, don't look for me again!" he leaned rough to the chair.

"Ra, until at any time, I'll keep trying to get you back in my arms again. I love you so much, Ra."

"Don't expect too much!"

"Ra, please forgive me! Why is it that after hearing all my explanations you are still angry and hate me? I'm telling the truth with nothing to cover up for."

"You ask why? Funny question." Nayra turned her lips while standing up.

"You think it's that easy to forget the lies you've made? You think it's easy, to forgive something that hurts so much? Not so easy, Zayn!"

"Then, what should I do, Ra? Do I have to bow down so you can forgive me? Really, this feeling is torturing me. I am haunted by the guilt of hurting you. Until whenever my affections will not change at all." Zayn took Nayra's hand and took it.

Nayra shook Zayn's hand, and he took his seat, choosing to move into the house. However, Zayn quickly held back the wheelchair.

"Don't go in, Ra. I'm not done yet."

"At least I've heard all your explanations. Isn't that enough?! that's not what you want?"

“Zayn, the longer you stay here, the harder it is for me to forget you. My mind hurts because I still can't erase this feeling from my heart. Between hate and love, I don't know which is bigger in my heart.” Nayra continues to monologue in her heart.

"Ra .. I miss you so much." Zayn said softly, his eyes could not lie that he was suffering so much right now.

Nayra just fell silent with a blank look.

"I want you to forgive me, Ra," asked Zayn with a look of despair.