The Extreme Time
Eps. 9 Souls who are losing their way
"Depression is the abyss of life. Don't give up and keep trying"
I am Alana from my whole life, only this time I realized someone who was never looked up to by the eyes does not mean nothing but someone who sincerely accompanies without asking to be appreciated. I Alana my heart already has but my soul is unable to deny, people who are present uninvited always happily look. I Alana life is about fighting so hard about the heart, but sometimes the heart is not easily able to fight and end up winning.
Raka has understood me a lot these past few years. It is because of the binding matchmaking but we have not really bonded yet but he is well willing to accept me who has not even been a part of his life. My heart may be wobbly, but I know it would be unfair if I sowed my heart just because it didn't exist.
He has not returned and may return. He's not here but he might be here. Every time my heart wavers it's always this thing I remember. It's stupid, he's obviously not here, but I've always thought of him here. Honestly, I really think I'm the bad guy in life. I hurt a lot of other people. Not just myself, but Raka, my best friend, my parents are all my victims.
He is not here, but he is always in my heart. The soul that lost this direction is mine and the direction I was heading was him. How can someone who is only fantasically imagined be able to last long in the heart. How could someone who only hurt be hard to forget. Is it just me who's this stupid, who still loves someone who repeatedly hurts. Is it just me? Are you guys like that too?
I was desperate to wait, my heart was already so tired of waiting. But my soul is not willing to go out the door. Am I sure I can open that door? Will the door always be locked? Many question marks occurred to me but no answer could answer them. That day I was really desperate. That day, my heart refused to wait for its time. That day all the memories really wanted me to erase all. But a glimmer of hope always comes unexpectedly.
Reportedly he managed to obtain the highest rank on his campus. It's just a bird story that I don't even know if it's true, but I still believe. My heart says "Depression is the abyss of life. Don't give up and keep trying". Once again I stayed, again I kept expecting my return. I know I'm stupid, you don't have to remind me. I know I'm innocent, but you'll never know my heart.
It's just that simple thing I can keep on holding on. I am always disappointed this win is not easy to give up but is not this wrong. I also want to give up I also want to be happy but I am not able to deceive the heart, he is the person I want him to be the person I want to be happy with. I didn't know he was too valuable to this stupid me. He's too classy for me. But I'm too good for him who can only hurt. I will endure but not to love again. Rather to prove he was too easy to weed out someone so valuable.
