The Brain of a Duke Princess

"Disonance"

“'The opening ceremony' will take place tomorrow. But putting that aside for now, Dean, you've clearly made preparations for this situation. How many of my plans do you already know? "(Iris)

Dean's understanding of my plan had little difference here and there, but overall it was very similar.

He was aware of what I had done with the church and its demolition. He heard most of my side and various rumors circulating, and, making his preparations based on the information he gathered together.

"I understand the steps you're going to take, but are you going to go out and meet that person with that face?"

"A face like that?" (Iris)

"You may not realize it yourself, Milady, but you look terrible now." (Deans)

No, you look terrible, I want to retaliate, but even I can't refute his words.

"Everyone here has noticed, but, although they are worried, no one has said anything to Milady out of consideration, which is why I want to express my thoughts here. I have heard many things about Milady, and, through my experience working directly with Milady, I became curious, who now worked hard for his people, and continued to work hard for his people in the midst of this storm ..he had never cried, nor showed any signs of weakness, not even in his voice. He continued to move forward with all his burden put in. Why are you trying to be so strong? "(Deans)

"… You are wrong. I have never tried to be strong. "(Iris)

No crying .. Being strong. Will it be "Iris" .. or am I now? Destiny is weird.

"Splitting yourself from your feelings, right?" (Deans)

No. gabe. Please, stop. I don't want to rely on people like that anymore. Please, stop cornering me. I bit my lips.

"My tears won't solve anything."

The words that came out of my own mouth were the words I least wanted to hear.

"… 'The tears won't solve anything.' Hmmmm. Although, I agree with that statement, confining yourself like that is much worse than crying. Through tears you can get out of the cage and completely move. You have to face your feelings directly, even if it is dangerous, because it will provide closure to your heart. ”(Dean)

"… 'The tears won't solve anything.' Hmmmm. Although, I agree with that statement, confining yourself like that is much worse than crying. Through tears you can get out of the cage and completely move. You have to face your feelings directly, even if it is dangerous, because it will provide closure to your heart. ”(Dean)

I couldn't help it anymore .. Once I thought about that, all the emotions and feelings I was suppressing exploded.

“Then, what do you suggest ?! Crying in the corner and screaming for help hoping someone comes and help me ?! Are you trying to tell me that crying and complaining will solve this situation !? You also know I will not happen anything …! ”(Iris)

I wanted to stop, but my brakes didn't work.

“I don't have the luxury to drop everything and cry! Even with my engagement – It hurts and frustrates how helpless I am! "(Iris)

Even though my love had cooled down after the cancellation, I can't say that I still haven't thought about it. I was worried about where I should go from here and frustrated at my previously hateful self. But crying won't give me confidence and having sunshine over my head. So I gave up crying. I decided to use my head to negotiate with my father.

"Even now, ostracized from the church .. I, the sinner ... What the hell is this? What could I possibly do to deserve such a statement?! ”(Iris)

Drip. Drip. I could feel my tears falling.

Drip. Drip. I could feel my tears falling.

"Difficult. It's very difficult. Wh why? Why is this happening to me?! I just wanted to run, scream, and scream, but .. "(Iris).

I tried to hide my tears with my hands, but it dripped from my palms.

“And all this because of my useless self .. My chest hurts when I think of my people and their suffering. They have all tried so hard and done so much to build our territory. I'm so useless and pathetic .. This is so painful. "(Iris)

Like mud, my words became messy and ugly, my emotions confused the words that came out of my mouth. The words that came up afterward contained my emotions and impulses.

"If I cry and beg for help, will someone come to save me? No. gabe. I'll just be a dead weight to be left behind. Even if I did ask for help, as a member of the Armelia family, just being referred to as a sinner affects everyone I come into contact with. Unless I can get them to retract that declaration, nothing will change. Until then, I will only be an obligation. "(Iris)

Yes, even if I give up all my authority and status to someone, as long as I am still a sinner who is ostracized from the church, it will still affect my conglomerate and family. That's how bad it is to be excommunicated. Even if I cannot erase having been referred to as a sinner, at the very least, I must get rid of that statement.

"I tried to stay strong .. Dean, you're wrong. I do not hold back tears for being useless .. I cannot cry, because .... what if I am abandoned again? "(Iris)

I am afraid of being a burden. Even though I know it's stupid to think like that, I still don't want to lose everyone. I keep that fear in my heart, because, maybe.

"I'm not trying to be strong. But I can't even manage it. I'm just a pathetic human being – that's me. ”(Iris)

I am afraid of being a burden. Even though I know it's stupid to think like that, I still don't want to lose everyone. I keep that fear in my heart, because, maybe.

"I'm not trying to be strong. But I can't even manage it. I'm just a pathetic human being – that's me. ”(Iris)

After expressing my feelings, my ears overflowed. This might be the first time since I became Iris, I tried to reveal my disgusting and confused emotions.

"… Your power show is really beautiful .. but, please, don't forget who you are on the facade. This is the wish of everyone you work with. You don't allow yourself to be vulnerable or take a moment for yourself .. Given your position and past, this is something that can't help, but if you continue like this, WEB, You will be worried that the people who shared your trip and you may get lost. Please don't forget this. "(Deans)

Dean's expression as he revealed his true thoughts looked extremely solemn. This even felt like one of the lectures my father gave me. But now I understand the meaning behind those words, Father, and with great pain. Thank you, Dean.

After all this time ..well, after much crying, I would have fallen asleep at my place had Dean not caught me and told me to rest while showing that he would handle the rest of the day's work. If it wasn't for him, I would still be working. It was the first time I had slept well; I fell asleep as soon as I put my head on the pillow.

The next morning, when I looked in the mirror, I saw that my eyes were still red. My skin and heart feel fresh. Now, it's time for the "opening ceremony".