That Storm Must've Passed

Trapped in a vacuum

I can't keep quiet. All this time I've been relenting and obeying what he wants. I don't know when I should wait. I've wasted enough of my time all this time.

I don't know why the longer I'm sick of seeing it. Even in my little heart I felt a little pity to see it. But I could no longer hold back.

Astaghfirullaahaladzim..with no tears flowing from the sidelines ****** my breath. Forgive me for my servant Allaah...

"Sorry.just pack your clothes... We better take care of each other"

"Yes already then" he said with a flat smile, which made me even more sick of seeing her.

Really snake.

"So..??? Hurry up. Bring all this.no one is left behind!" my words no longer contain mercy.

Fifteen years I've been with him. But all this time it was only torture and suffering that he could only incur in my heart.

The promise after promise he made just passed without proof. Home, marriage certificates and tranquility, all just nonsense.

She said I was the wife she loved. But the proof of love never existed. I've been so stupid to trust him so much all this time.

Years passed without any significant change. In the end from the beginning all this was just a mirage.

It's just that I always believed that one day there would be miracles. I never wanted to realize that all that would be impossible would happen.

Even when she introduced me to her family, I kept hoping that one day I would become her official wife.

But indeed I have been so foolish to be blinded by his false hopes.

His promise to meet me with his three daughters also makes me stick with his stupid.

The one thing that kept me going, that it was her jealousy that made me believe that she really loved me.

At that time alone had to bluff a threat so that he would spend his money to finish my college which was just one step away.

"I have to finish my college. What was the promise at that time?"

"Yes later"

"If not, let us live alone. If I need to be a TKI." I said lightly.

"Yes it's up to you" he replied casually, and it made me really unable to bear it.

"I'm serious about this. From now on just go home to your family. Don't worry about me anymore." threatened me.

"Don't suppose after we've lived alone no one will help me. As for the KTP alone mas can not help me. Please remember who helped me."

"alright. Tomorrow we take care of the campus." Finally came those words.

For a while I felt relieved. In the end I will finish my sergeant even if I have to threaten him first.

One by one after my son was in school, I was done with my sergeant, I promised slowly, though somewhat forced.

I am getting tired of this situation. My status is only as a young wife, I can not immediately demand what he promised even though it is not my right, because from the beginning I never saw any clear hope.

Not to mention the living he gave each month was really not what I expected.

Not that I'm not grateful for this situation. It's just that the reality of life really doesn't match what he gives. So inevitably I have to make a source of living other than my small salary as a teacher honor in that school.

"Sir.want not to accept private lessons?" finally my friend offered me a side job.

Of course I won't reject it. I can't keep hoping to receive more from a husband that I can't hope for.

For about two years I served as a private teacher outside of my teaching hours at school.

At that time I just had a used motorbike that I could rely on to make extra money.

With a limp, I followed all of that patiently, although on the contrary I was already saturated with my company with him.

Honestly, I feel tired of being born. But he still wants to be served. I was tired out there. She demanded that I do my duty as a wife.

I've been really patient.

"I'm tired.don't touch me." I said as his hand began to touch my waist.

"Could be dik .." he said.

"I'll leave if you still force me" I said riled up as I grabbed my blanket out of the room.

I rushed out of the room, while my husband tried to pull my hand which I immediately brushed aside violently.

I ran towards the front room and immediately entered and locked it from the inside. I spread out my body and covered my ears with a pillow and tried to sleep without caring about my husband's screams....

That is how almost every night I avoid his invitation without caring for sin or not.

My soul and body are first tired of reaching the unremitting despair.