Tak Semanis Sugarcane Is Not Sepahit Coffee

Chapter 19

Everyone was crying to see my mother's body. I who did not shed tears let people embrace me gave words that made me sick. Dila wept bitterly and continued to read Yasin. Dandi came to give the same hugging as tears. I was silent as he hugged me like this, as if my soul was flying out of nowhere.

Dad came with his wife. Let's just say, this is the last time she'll see me too mama. I won't make any noise, I'll just shut up.

Amara came from Jakarta. Even though he asked me to make a sound, I still chose silence. My body was shaken by him, pulling my face into his eyes.

“Sadar, De. You can't gini. You must cry, do not be arrested! De, you can get sick if gini how!”

Just let Amara talk. I don't want to talk about anything. Let them cry, I won't cry..

They read yasin. Amara gave it to me and I said it in my heart. I don't bathe my mom, let my brother and sister do it. Bilal told me to kiss him one last time. Dila and Amara also told me and followed their orders I kissed the old mama's forehead. Say sorry and thank you. I kiss your eyelids as well as both cheeks and chin. I kissed her hand that was wrapped in a shroud, this hand that used to carry me. I kissed her feet and last I kissed her forehead.

I'm sorry, ma. Ii'm sorry.

My heart was crying but tears were reluctant to flow down my cheeks.

After the prayer and the body of the mother buried in the ground sprinkled flowers on it I felt there was water dripping on the cheek. It's real, mama's right no more. Mom really left me.

I cried without a sound. Seeing me cry, Amara cried. Her hug was warm but not enough to warm my heart that was shivering coldly accepting the fact that my mom had left.

We're back home. Amara accompanied me during the three-day study held at home. And after the study was over, I ordered a ticket to Bandung.

Dila did not take a scholarship to France. He was accepted to work in Kalimantan. I gave him money to buy a house in Kalimantan. At least he doesn't need to contract and distress like the first time I lived alone in Bandung. I also gave some money to hold on to it during my life there.

When I was about to leave, I realized that my mother did not worry about any of her clothes at all. This made me realize that my mom really did not want to go actually. That's why the doctor said she didn't eat for a few days because her stomach was empty. Because there is no energy mama might faint but the result mama so stumbled on the bathroom floor.

My head is throbbing pain. I slowly put some of my clothes in my suitcase and some I let my sister and sister ask for it. Some of my mother's clothes will make the antidote long when I remember her.

 Amara accompanied to Bandung. Dila will be staying at my sister's house for a while. The house has been vacated. Dad doesn't know about my departure. Allow me to be disobedient after what dad did.

***

I stayed at the hotel for a while until I got the little house I gave as a place to stay for the Stars. After that I returned to live in a house that became the first result after work and collect money. Back pain strikes my head followed by blood flowing through the nose.

Taking medicine I decided to sleep.

I spent many days acting hedonistic. Unnecessary shopping, going from one mall to another until night. I don't know how much money was wasted.

Dandi's number, Ridho's bang, Fathan, and whoever's the guy whose name is on my phone contact I blocked. Fathan's wedding wasn't for me to visit. All the men I fired were no exception. The stars didn't accept it but I don't care. I hate men.

I closed the cafe. Make this building sign on sale. The house I bought for the stars is also on sale. I went to Jogja and bought the building from the sale of cafes and houses. I moved to Jogja and opened a new coffee shop. I also opened a bookstore. While I lived in a bookstore until the house in Bandung sold well.

No one knew about my departure to Yogya. I decided to change the phone number. Let me start from the beginning. A new life that may be better or worse because I'm limiting my life.

There are no male employees. Every time I see a man I feel emotion and my head ends up throbbing pain followed by blood coming out of the nose. Don't suggest going to the hospital because I won't. Ever since the doctor said mom died I've been hating hospitals.

Hearing the house in Bandung someone bought it and all the business was in order. I bought a small house with only one room with a large yard. There is no dining room, only one bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, then the living room. This is enough for me to live alone.

One by one I take care of the moving letters to have a Yogya ID card. Front page of the quiz with roses, orchids and paper and some flowers that I do not know the name but because the shape is good I like.

The home furniture is back. The rest of the money I gave to the mosque in the name of my mother. Some I made to build a mosque and the rest I left a little in savings.

One patted me on the shoulder and realized it was a man who immediately brushed his hand. He was shocked by my response.

“Sorry, mom. Mbak dropped this earlier.” I took the wallet out of his hand.

“Thank you.”

I left it to the bookstore. Checking the books that have entered and not yet. Books that have been entered directly in the input to the online selling application. After the business in the bookstore is finished now it's the coffee shop's turn to be checked.

The pulses in the head are becoming more and more. The headache medication does not adequately remove it. I asked one of the employees to buy a painkiller and the drug only lasted an hour or two and again pulsed with a more painful taste.

No longer able to withstand the pain in the head as a result I let my body fall in the middle of the crowd of people who were filling the stomach. I heard one of the employees shouting call me before it was dark at last.