Repeating Flavors
Chapter 14 - Kevan's Longing
#Kevan POV part2
I miss you so much Tania Jovanka. Wish one day to meet you and hold you tight, very tight! Even though I was afraid that you would hate me, looking at me might not even want to. All my faults, my foolishness and my helplessness in my life.
Tara was always beside me, but I could never open my heart to her. It's the same as before, just you and you Tania Jovanka! If you knew that.
"Mama knows you love Tania so much, but I hope you know that Grandpa's condition isn't stable. For that Mama asked you to be patient, son?" My mother strengthened me when I was tired of all this. Mama, like me, can't decide anything about her life. Because every life in this house belongs to grandfather. If you want to choose I want to be a child of ordinary people without the frills of the family of A, B or C. Because it must be a burden to the owner.
My brain keeps thinking, do I have to go see you now and explain all this? I don't know, it's all free. We have been separated for almost two years. I can only see you through other social media accounts that I intentionally make to see you every day. I am happy and proud to see you getting more beautiful and successful with your dreams.
Some time ago Tara showed fashion results of your design. He really likes her. I like him too. It was amazing Tania Jovanka. You can always be what you want to be. Students who have not graduated but already have three boutiques that are quite famous among world models. The fact is that Tara now admires your work and plans to wear all your work in every shot.
Honestly, there's a little fear in my heart if Tara finds out that you're the girl I've always loved. Tara will do things I can't talk about. I can only hope that everything will be beautiful at the right time.
Like I said, Tara is not a stupid girl. He can do things no one else ever expected. He always uses his brain rather than his heart, telling him what's in his brain. I'm afraid that his decision to use your design is one way of what he's planning without me knowing. But ... I hope it's just my fear.
Tara never forced me to marry her, nor did she ever force me to keep up with grandfather's wishes. It's just that I know Tara is Grandpa's favorite girl too, because from childhood we always played together. Tara and I are neighbors. Our houses face each other, no doubt it makes us always play together. She was a protective girl as a child. That's what he called himself after a few times he helped me from some bad boy who wanted to hurt me. Unfortunately I was not a brave man from childhood. I kept quiet more and obeyed. Until now I still can not argue the wishes of papa, mama, especially the wishes of grandfather.
Honestly speaking, there was a slight sense of relief hearing Tara say that to grandfather. And great grandfather never refused Tara's wishes in the slightest. That kind of girl makes it hard for me to break away from this matchmaking relationship. Tara always had a way to get grandfather to agree to her request.
I want this matchmaking to be void, but how can I find it hard to find the right reasons. Because once again, Tara is the girl with a thousand skills to seduce grandfather. My mom loves Tara too, and they even want Tara to stay in our house. But luckily, Tara still chose to live in an apartment not far from her office. Even though I don't care if she's at home, I think Tara knows that too.
Mama never knew Tania in person, she only knew about Tania from the cheff who works at our home in Jakarta. Apparently all this time my mom asked him to keep an eye on me without my knowledge. For that Mama can only calm myself who always feel chaotic when I miss you. Mama and papa also don't have the courage to go against grandfather's wishes even though they can.
Grandpa gave all the family assets in my name, and all this time my mommy papa managed this business only until I was ready to become a great businessman. For that grandfather always demands that I really be what they want me to be. I appreciate all their wishes even though honestly I want to be what I want to be, in fact it will never be possible.
A lot of people out there see my life as fun, they want it as I do. But I don't want this myself! Everything in my life is just a gift that makes me a puppet or a doll in the family. I have no shortage of love from my parents. It's just, I lost my own life. So unfortunate the fate that I feel, but I should not regret.
I'm sure one day things can change, even though I don't know when. It's just that this belief is always in the heart, whether until when can survive and make me continue the spirit of living this colorless life. Fortunately, my mother always supported me in whatever I would do later. Likewise with papa who also gives advice in this situation.
Grandpa never messed around if giving satisfaction, that's why papa and mama have always been afraid to oppose the wishes of grandfather so far. Grandpa is too hard to argue with, but he loves me very much. My love and love for my grandfather also makes me weak, I can't just make my grandfather sad. I just want Grandpa to be happy for half his age.
