Possive Husband

PH-13

Meisha POV

My world felt frozen instantly, not because of the bad things that happened to me but the good things I felt. Yes, it's a good thing, no, when your husband clearly says he loves you. That's a good thing, isn't it? yes, I feel that way too.

But what I feel for such a good thing is not happiness. I was not happy at all, I was afraid. Really scared until it felt like Satria's voice kept filling my brain making me feel inappropriate.

I bit my lips, violently I let go of Satria's embrace which still surrounded me. No, Satria shouldn't have given her love to me. He deserves better than this dirty me.

“I look stupid huh? Stupid fuck” sayku donjang.

“in this situation that does not feel pantes why should I?” my continue. I chuckled cynically at what I had just said, looking at Satria who looked surprised at what I was doing.

“i don't pantes, many people will certainly agree with me if they know about me that is not intact. They will say, if I am not married to a good man like you. Ah... why do I feel that sometimes life is not fair with me huh?” I said by raising one hand to scratch my head, dropping the bag and suit of the little Satria I was holding.

Life is unfair sometimes, right? or is it just me who is too cynical in looking at life, because many things do not want to happen to me? Sometimes life is unfair. I am not too cynical in looking at life.

“Meisha” Satria called out to me, she stepped closer to me who had already moved a few steps away from her. He climbed the stairs without even escaping his gaze from me.

“I don't know if it turns out your way of thinking cynically rich gitu” said Satria, his tone sounded cold. The tone of speech that I had not heard from him for a long time, was now again clearly heard.

“i speak reality, because it is so. Because—”

“what people need to know?! What married you are them?! What lives your life with you are them?! Are there a lot of people looking at the two of us?! Do you live for yourself or for them?!”

I was stunned for a moment, staring at Satria who was eating me with anger. His chest rose and fell rapidly, signifying the emotional turmoil he was experiencing. I might have said the wrong thing. No, it's not possible anymore. But I did say something inappropriate, and it was a big mistake.

“what I said may be a big mistake in your opinion. I sadae I was wrong. But do you understand, I said that because I thought of you. I was thinking how you. You shouldn't be-”

“do you make me alesan for the unpleasant thing you just said? Is it not wrong? If you really think about me, you should know. If words like that do not want me to hear from you”

“you don't think about me, you just mikin people out there and how they look at you. If people know you are no longer whole, why? The one who married you, I. Not them” continued Satria. After he said the things that made me shut up, he walked past me without saying anything more.

The door of the room not far from me was closed. Satria was angry, she was really angry. Just this time I saw him like that, saying with emotions that looked real. And it all happened because of me. I am the reason why Satria can behave in this way.

I clenched tightly onto Satria's suit, tightly. Still in a crouching position, I drowned my face on the Satria suit I was holding. Hoping to get a little peace from the scent of Satria's body left there, because all this time after the incident that afternoon, Satria was the one who always hugged me when I started crying remembering everything.

But this time it was different, I cried myself. Without Satria that surrounds me with all its warmth. It felt so painful, so sad, when I had to go back to crying alone like I used to. Ah, I'm too spoiled, I'm too lazy to rely on Satria. In the past, with no one by my side, I was able to get through it well.

In fact, just now our relationship has improved in a long time. But it feels like we've been together for years. When he ignored me like this, all I felt was tightness. I need Satria.

Maybe Satria was right, I was just thinking about the way people were and the way they looked at me. I was just afraid of facing the fact that they would insult me who was with Satria.

I feel like I'm being too selfish.

I'm selfish, I don't know. 

Slowly, I got up from my crouching position. Stand up tired, and start walking towards the room without bothering to wipe away the trail of tears that drenched my entire face.

Now how should I? What am I supposed to do? A few hours ago, Satria said she loved me. But the current situation is very uncomfortable. And this is all because of all the stupid words that came out of my mouth. Because of me, who is always rash in judging things.

After putting Satria's things down, I pulled out the blanket and went inside. Intending to resume my crying maybe.

The sound of a shower that lights up makes me sure that Satria is currently in the bathroom. Ah, Satria hasn't eaten anything yet. But, who feels hungry after the annoying incident that was just created because of my behavior earlier?

 

I cursed myself, cursing my stupidity. A little bit of hope, came to my mind. Hope that Satria will not be angry further. She'll definitely talk to me after coming out of the bathroom, she'll definitely be in the same blanket as me after putting on clothes. And she'll definitely come back to hug me, take care of me when I'm asleep. Yeah, definitely.

The waiting minutes went by, it felt like a clock to me. I waited for Satria to come out and act normal towards me. But, again, I have to say that life is not fair to me.

Satria did use the same blanket as me, lying on the same bed as well. But, he turned his back on me and turned his back on me as if I didn't exist.

“maaf..” my word without sound. I bit my lips to muffle the sound of my sobbing.

I hate it, I really hate it when it comes to looking at his back. He felt so far away, it was hard for me to reach, just like we were married. It's painful.  And this is the price I have to pay for my stupid words.