Mystery of Small Shoes

36

Rizal looked sadly at Sarah's passing, a thousand regrets were in him. He regretted his decision to marry Marlina, his wife, which resulted in him having to lose the person he loved so much. The infinite love for Sarah must be buried deep. His heart aches for the loss of the person most precious to him.

She also regrets Sarah's decision to sue for her divorce, which she never knew. Had he known, perhaps he would have desperately blocked it. His gaze glanced at the times when they were still together. In the lack of wealth, Sarah always patiently stood by him.

"I don't know myself. I've hurt her feelings. I'm sorry, Sarah. I'm sorry, dear." I could not feel the end of his eyes dripping with water. Tears of sadness and regret.

Slowly Rizal lifted his body from the cafe chair he was sitting in and began to move his legs. He didn't want the people there to see the sadness on his face. He felt his body drift, his soul wander somewhere.

He tried to reach the parking lot as quickly as possible so that he could leave immediately to calm his feelings. But when he passed the playground, somehow he wanted to turn his face to the playground. She sees Sarah being with Rudi, a young woman and a child.

His steps came to a halt for a moment, Rizal continued to watch them from a distance.

"That kid. It was like I knew the boy. His face was similar to someone. But who?" Rizal wondered in his heart.

Rizal's still watching them. He saw happiness on the faces of the people he was looking at. She saw Rudi holding the child and occasionally kissed him. And Sarah, the one she loved, smiled happily. The smile she missed so much. A smile that could always calm her down and make her happy.

Rizal felt his throat choked, his regret growing. He immediately stepped his legs back, as if unwilling to see their happiness any further. He could not bear to hold back his tears that almost wet his cheeks

Arriving in his car, Rizal did not immediately run his car. He cried on the steering wheel in front of him.

After he calmed down, he started to run his car and left the parking area. His sadness still could not go away, his eyes reddened with tears. He decided not to go home and headed to an apartment.

The studio-sized apartment was dedicated to storing his memories with Sarah. Some of their simple wedding photos are plastered on the walls. On her desk is a picture of Sarah posing sweetly with a smile on her lips. Rizal always comes to that apartment when he misses Sarah. No one knew about the apartment, including his wife and mother.

He threw his body on the bed. His eyes glared up at the ceiling of the room. His mind felt empty, all he felt was dizziness. He tried to sleep and forget about the problem even for a moment, but he could not close his eyes. Opening the desk drawer that was beside the bed, his hands flailed looking for something in it. Take the medicine from there and drink it in one throat. He soon fell asleep too.

***

Elsewhere Rudi and Sarah are still waiting for Fabio who is still at home playing with Fathia.

"Sorry, Sar. I just confessed that I'm your future husband." Rudi opened the conversation.

"It's okay. I thank you for helping me avoid it."

"But if it's true, I'm willing."

"meaning?"

"Being your husband, being your priest and Fabio." Rudi didn't waste the opportunity to propose to Sarah.

Sarah just kept quiet not answering Rudi's words.

"You want to be my mum, right?" ask Rudi.

"Yes!" He said while clenching his hands.

"Thank you, baby? We will take this relationship more seriously and start preparing for our marriage" Rudi said excitedly.

Sarah smiled at Rudi's behavior so eagerly expressed her joy.

"Alhamdulillah, O Allah," said Rudi, smiling incessantly.

***

Rizal woke up from his sleep, his head still hurts from his sleep not too long ago. He woke up to his dream which surprised him. The dream that Sarah and she are living together again, then suddenly a voice of a child calls 'father, father' from a distance. The boy ran towards her and kissed her hand with a sad looking face.

"The boy..." Rizal tried to recall his dream.

"Yes, that boy! The child who is always present in my dreams! The kid that was with Sarah!" muttered.

"Who is that boy? Is he really my son? When I left, Sarah was pregnant? God, how sinful I am." Rizal cursed himself.

Rizal's sorrow deepened as he thought about it. She was ashamed of what she had done to Sarah

"I have to ask Sarah who the child really is? Why is he always in my dreams?" muttered.

"And why does his face always look sad?"

Rizal took his cellphone which he had not touched at all. There were several missed calls from her mother and a series of messages asking for her whereabouts. Rizal didn't answer all those messages. He put his phone back on the table and tried to close his eyes again.

Since her marriage to Marlina, Rizal's relationship with her mother has become unfamiliar. Rizal always tries to avoid talking to his mother and wife. Even Rizal consciously and deliberately went to the doctor to temporarily stop his fertility without them knowing. Rizal did not want to risk having a child from a woman he did not love.

Many times his mother asked for grandchildren from them, but Rizal did not care about it. Rizal does not even care about his wife, as a result of which Marlina often vents him outside. Rizal knows everything his wife does outside, but he doesn't care.

Rizal no longer cares about his life, all he wants is to find Sarah and make amends. But what he's trying to do is destroyed because Sarah doesn't care and doesn't want it anymore. Even Sarah thought she was dead.

In his deep sadness Rizal is like finding a bright spot to reach for his other happiness. But he had to postpone it for a while because he had to find evidence that the boy who was with Sarah was his biological child with Sarah.

"I have to go to Sarah and ask her this" Rizal murmured.

"I have to find a way to see her again, because she definitely doesn't want to see me again and tries to avoid me."

The little boy's face flashed back in his mind.

"May you really be my son, son," he put it.