My Sugar Brothers

11. Coffee Letter

Hi Lea, I will not hear from you if you know you can not be grateful anymore because you have volunteered to meet God first, hehehe...

the name is wrong, right? a bit confused, anyways why the name is so complicated huh? may the life you live will not be as complicated as your name, but as beautiful as its meaning.

Lea laughed with tears that could not stop coming out. Reading the slightly dull sheet of paper made Lea feel like she was talking directly to Albara. The man seemed to be sitting in front of him, saying word for word in the letter with his warm smile and soft voice. Albara's sparse witty nature shows to her surroundings, and only Lea knows, making Lea even more claustrophobic about reading the letter.

slowly the stabbing and suffocating feeling of his lungs to breathe came back, just as during his first night of breathing without Albara being able to do the same. The feeling of tightness that does not have the drug is a loss.

I told my sister a cool plan. He said be okay. Later if you go to college, you can spend in my house, in front of the house there is a neighbor and my cousin, his name is Rafa, the same age as you. You will still have the theme even if I do not want you.

But please help my brother. He's super busy, but never forgets the people around him. He is also easily lonely, so if you already know him at the funeral, do not forget him.

Lea, you're a cool firstborn, like my sister. You two try to stand up straight even though your legs are tired and your muscles are numb. you immediately take your responsibility even if you can choose to refuse. You guys are really cool.

Sorry I said not directly in front of you, because you will laugh, later I will not kill myself, hahahaha..

Lea looked at the shadow of Albara who laughed foolishly while scratching his head that did not itch, a habit of Albara if he was joking but did not feel the joke was funny.

do not assume the reason I gave up because you or my brother pay less attention or no use to me than anyone, You are the sun and moon to me. You guys, really become holding pegs to keep me breathing till now. But sorry, nightmares and that guy, I really can't deal with it. I chose to give up so that I could feel at peace without any fear.

so Lea, I'm sorry to go first, I'm sorry I couldn't laugh at your funeral either, sorry if I couldn't be your stake to hold on to, and I'm sorry if I'm not ready to be your sister until the end.

I know you can survive even though I'm not the stake. don't forget to be happy, and sorry, I put Asa's sister with you.

His cries were getting louder, his stifled sobs strengthened the sense of tightness that filled his chest cavity. Lea imagined the face of Albara who was smiling a little with a shady look that she usually sees every day. The last sentence of the letter seemed not to let Lea feel calm even for a moment,

remember don't forget happy Lea. happy for yourself, in your own way.Your happiness now, is a form of my happiness that has not been achieved.

Lea was crying harder. The issue came loose and howled bitterly, letting the owner utter a terrible pain that could not be explained in words. Many times her hands hit her chest, trying to allow herself to breathe properly and trying to control her cries to stop for a moment, but the result was heartbreaking. He cried again, it got worse. The cough and shortness of breath that he experienced even made him feel better.

Lea lets herself fall on her little carpet, crying back by squeezing a letter from Albara that was stored 3 years ago. His sense of loss deepened, the hole he had long closed also widened as if he wanted to swallow it. Leah felt like she had fallen into a hole she had closed for 3 years.

And Asa could only stand still while looking down behind Lea's door. Feel the need to stay with the girl even though her presence is not realized.

****

No one thought that Lea could be this destructive. Everyone around her had high expectations because Lea was used to showing indifference in social relationships. It was this disbelief that drove Tazqia and Akhdan to stand at Asa's doorstep.

2 Days Lea permits illness to the campus, although in fact, Asa who sent the permit and asked Tazqia to convey it to the campus. Leah had no idea what was going on outside her room because she did not even move from her last place to lie on the carpet.

Nothing changed even his position, his bag still left at the door, his cell phone that might run out of power, the glass filled with water that he last filled 3 days ago, or even his condition. Lea really just lay still, stared at Albara's letter continuously, and fell asleep involuntarily.

on the first day, Asa thought Lea was still taking her time out whether to drink or eat. But his home CCTV did not provide a suitable answer. Until Asa decided to stay home all day and changed her schedule yesterday, on the second day, Lea still did not come out of her room.

Asa surrendered. He needs someone who knows the girl more than he does. And that person is Tazqia. As expected, Tazqia asked her permission to come home.

the three men were sitting in the middle house. Although reluctant, Asa could not refuse Akhdan who had bothered to come to take Tazqia. Asa could only ignore his current presence.

Asa had explained the situation as briefly and clearly as possible since last night through messages, so that Tazqia would not take any random wrong steps.

" If he gets to kayak that, it means he is very sad Bang Asa, it can be influenced by the experience of the same other things.for today, I promise nothing but he opens the door. Does Bang Asa have a spare key?"

Asa put down the spare key mentioned while staring intently at Akhdan. " You're all, aren't you?" asa asked, though her eyes still drew Akhdan with her gaze. Tazqia snorted while taking the key. " Yes, that's a girl's room. Akhdan used to wait on the terrace at Lea's kosan. right Dan?" said the girl while nudging Akhdan's arm which could only smile clumsily while looking down.

After Tazqia, Asa looked down at the pair of legs that she rarely looked at. All this time, what managed to make him duck this deep was only the death of his grandparents and his sister. Lea was the first person to make her feel as gloomy as she is today.

Akhdan felt himself understanding what Asa was feeling right now, even with a different point of view, but the title was the same.

" Lea.." One name and Asa looked up with a sharp look. It took Akhdan a few seconds to get used to that killing sight. " Lea, people tend to blend in with the surrounding conditions." said Akhdan while turning his eyes towards the top floor, right on the last rung of stairs where he could not see Tazqia anymore.

" If the surrounding is rame, he will calm down, be a listener and a makeshift response giver. But if the atmosphere is calm, he will try to make it crowded in his own way. He knows how to carry himself wherever he goes.

so Bang Asa had to believe, if Lea could get through all this, with or without the help of Bang Asa, that's what Lea needs now.trust, whether from around or herself." Akhdan smiled politely at Asa who was sitting stiffly staring at him blankly.

the next minute, Asa could only smile as thinly as possible with a small nodding head. Upstairs, Tazqia did not knock on the door at all and opened the door immediately.

the one he saw first was a bag blocking the door from opening, then his gaze moved through the mattress. This room is too spacious when compared to the previous Lea boarding house, maybe this is more suitable called a small apartment unit. When her bed was empty and Tazqia glanced at her carpet, she was glued.

The girl fell silent rigidly before slowly closing the door as gently as possible. They have just learned the types of grieving and the grieving process in one of the main courses. But perhaps Tazqia was the first to see the material object directly.

Seeing Lea was able to make him realize the atmosphere of this room clearly. Heavy, desperate, dark, alone, sad, lost, and longing.

given the story that Asa told her, Tazqia was convinced, perhaps Albara was the pivotal figure in Leah's life who first introduced loss to the girl.

Tazqia recalled that Lea once said she was apathetic enough not to cry at the funeral of her grandfather or friend. And when the girl experienced something unnatural and unexpected for him, Lea really fell into the abyss in a swallow of sadness. And that goes beyond what people in general experience.

" Lea.." call Tazqia gently as she crouches down in front of Lea who is lying sideways with her hands still half squeezing the worn paper.

the girl's tears came back out. Tazqia could tell right away that Lea had trouble sleeping and was crying for quite a long time. Leah's eyes were completely swollen, puffy, and dark like a panda.not to mention her pale face and red nose.

" Paper.." Lea took off her tight grip from the paper, and stroked it without taking her eyes off. It was as if he turned away from the paper, the only thing Albara left for him would disappear like dust.

" yes, what's the paper?"

" the smell of coffee." the girl replied briefly. Tazqia stared at the paper that was right in front of Lea's hand.The paper was brownish yellow, looking worn out. Tazqia felt overwhelmed, her every word and action this time would determine Lea's next attitude. Tazqia took the time to close her eyes. Who said the apathetic Leah would not fall? Lea is even worse than other people who are slumped in general.

"Yes." called Tazqia very gently, the rope could not divert Lea to cry again with her blank look.

" He who taught me how to make brown paper coffee packets.he also knows coffee like me.." Lea has never been interested in a drink called coffee. In the past, he only knew coffee was often related to men and cigarettes, that was before Albara introduced him to coffee and the man's hobby of coloring paper with his favorite coffee. lea's views instantly changed about the thing called coffee.

her tears were getting louder, wetting her dry cheeks again from the crying earlier this afternoon, "I promised to work at the Cafe if I'd Pass, make her coffee.." The paper crumpled back as Lea squeezed it back. " But I can do it now, and he didn't exist first..."

now Tazqia knew, sentences and words as beautiful as anything, would not make Lea improve. Only Lea could recover herself for now. Tazqia realized that she could do nothing but observe.

" Yes.take your time as much as you want.but remember it, Time is never waiting for you.

" Maybe this was the first time Lea had averted her eyes from the Letter, and immediately met the eyes of Tazqia who was looking at her softly.

"It's gonna still move as you spend you time to being sad." continued the girl. Lea let her tears flow, but Tazqia wiped them off her cheek.

" Think about Lea. Is your deep slump worth it for us who are still alive and worried about Lo?" tazqia said as she gently ruffled Lea's hair, a thinly decorated smile on her face, wanting to tell her that even if Lea was sad and wasted her time, Lea would still be welcomed with pleasure by all.

after Tazqia's departure, Leah rose from her position. He sat staring around digesting everything, and took back the letter that he had crumpled up. He read the letter many times, and he cried many times. But this time he wiped his tears quickly and read the last line.

remember don't forget happy Lea. happy for yourself, and in your own way.Your happiness now, is a form of happiness I have not achieved.

Lea nodded, as if facing Albara who was looking at her seriously as when the man gave her advice first. Lea stood up even though she felt weak. The girl stepped into the bathroom, staring at the mirror that displayed her present condition.

" I'm sorry.." muttered the girl while looking in the mirror before him. " I'm sorry nangisin brother until I'm like gini. I'm sorry for not being able to be happy... Sorry..."

Seriate