My Prayer From Forbidden Places

Mused

So as not to have an impact on my daughter's psychology, then my daughter I leave it to Mama, while I lock myself in the room.

This endless trial of my life forced me to reflect on everything. I thought deeply ... why? Is there anything wrong with me all this time?

Why in our quarrel yesterday there was a fundamental change in character. I had dared to slap my husband, and instead my husband had the heart to say the rant ‘pelacur’ and the cheater to me.

As his wife, perhaps I have been mistaken in judging and treating my husband all this time.

Maybe I misjudged it ...My husband married me even though both his parents were against his plans. Because he has been nominated with a woman of his mother's choice.

He loves me too much, so the blessing of a mother who has given birth and breastfed him was ignored in order to marry the choice of her heart.

Then we got married and had a daughter who was sentenced to experience symptoms of brain inflammation.

Since childhood he used to be spoiled by his parents, because he was the youngest of 5 sisters all.

All his wishes must be fulfilled. If not, he usually goes to his grandmother's house.

Until adulthood, he was not used to living independently. Moreover, being told to solve the problem, then, he ran away more than survived to solve it.

And then he married me. The habit of life is not independent, irritable, and easy to escape from severe problems to be carried away in the household.

Maybe he is still learning and struggling so that his bad habits can be changed. Perhaps he believes that with his immense love and affection for me, he will be able to change it.

Perhaps also, when he decided to stop working for his brother-in-law, he was strong enough not to be offended. But the harsh words of his brother-in-law long ago made his defense broke down as well.

Then he quit his job and wanted to prove that he could be like his brother-in-law.

Arriving at the rented house, I should have strengthened her pride that was exhausted in the contempt of her brother-in-law. Not angry at him.

But maybe he loved me too much and always wanted to make me happy. So that each of my misfortunes he met with god-level patience.

Not that he likes to be unemployed, but he is not used to rough work. It is usually just work like the aluminum construction project business Brother-in-law.

So, if I keep pushing to find work, it makes him panic more.

Remembering my scolding on him 12 months ago, "gimana sich, sir. Just calm down. No thinking of wife's children! If this continues, we can starve to death, sir!"

How selfish of me to him. I just look at the responsibility as a husband, but I don't look at the process of being a responsible husband.

Ah ... how I only judge him unilaterally. No more listening when he came back to our house yesterday.

Now, I'm so reminded of that shit that I didn't mind ... "I'm confused! You don't want me to call at all. I got scared. Let me come, you're angry again."

" I'm afraid, when I come, you keep driving me away. Because I haven't been able to return your savings, "he said at the time.

He was afraid to come to me because he had no money. He said, "so I waited, until I had money to work with my brother-in-law"

Ah, if I want to listen to the explanation, not blind the eyes of the heart because of losing my savings, of course my household problems are not getting destroyed.

Now my husband already thinks of me as ******* in plus-plus massage parlors. Any explanation from me won't make him believe it. Because, 99 percent of women who work in massage parlors plus plus are indeed ******** hidden.

Ah, especially until my husband tells my parents, then I can be the real trash of life.

***************

My great quarrel the day after yesterday with my husband, has reached the ears of my neighbors.

A close neighbor who was usually familiar with my husband told me a lot of information.

　

　

“Which wife does not get angry, Mas! 10 Months, no responsibility, he! No money, no word. Try if Mas Yono is me, how does he feel.” I said to defend Mas Yono to understand my condition.

"Well, when she didn't meet Raisa at all? Your husband met me often. But it's usually just about how you and your son are doing."

"Loh, what yes, Mas?”

“Iya!” said affirm.

“My husband does anything about me?"

"The first time he did you work where. I answer you work at the diner."

"So much less, why won't he come, Mas Yono?"

"He sometimes confides in me ... He said he was afraid to kick you out if he didn't bring money. He's still working on collecting money to pay you a debt. I'm often told to find out your new number."

**********

The information from my neighbor, it made me realize, that my deception in the restaurant to the neighbors, made my husband feel calm. Suppose I say I work in a massage parlor, maybe my husband will come to my aid at Sister's Massage.

Ah, there's no need to regret. Everything has happened outside of me.

From the information of Mas Yono also I became understand the reason why my husband did not return to the rented house.we.he was very afraid to be expelled when he came.

For him my disappointment with him is due to the money factor, to treat it then he will return the 35 million money he has borrowed

And before he could pay it off, he became very timid, and became a dwarf of his heart to meet me.

Wasn't my husband the youngest child and the only man in his family? I should have understood him, why he easily ran away from his responsibilities.

Ah, once again that's it. Rice has become porridge. My husband already thinks of me as.****** and a traitor of his holy love. I'd just count the days my parents would know everything about me and after my husband would divorce me.

***************

"dok ... Gts ...Geck"

The sound of my rented door being knocked on by a guest. My spontaneous daydreams about my husband came to a halt.

I heard the voice of my massage parlour owner calling out my pseudonym, "Nanda! Nandaa!"

Soon I went out of the room holding my daughter to open the door for her.

"Kriek ..." The door to my rented house opened.

After the door opened, I was very surprised to see Brother coming with two men.

One man, a police officer and the other a police officer who used to put a gun on me.

"Let's go in, brother," as my hand greeted the three guests, I let them sit in the living room.

I don't know what it means Brother took me back to work with the two police officers.