
I looked at myself in the mirror of the wardrobe that could display my body as a whole. I am currently wearing a blue mini dress with a floral motif on the front.
My long, straight hair was draped over the shoulders with bangs that I lowered to the side. Polished face powder with a little brown eyeshadow mixed with black eyeliner, and blush on pink baby makes my face more blush and pink lipstick.
I smiled looking at my very graceful self. But that smile was gone instantly remembering the reality of my real life. Immediately I took out a piece of tissue and removed the make-up from the face. Removing all the hopes I could never possibly have. I don't feel my tears just flowing. If only Papa would accept me as his daughter. Maybe I can look normal like any other girl. God, if I have to live like this why should I be born? I wiped my tears. Go back to changing clothes and grabbing the Wig I've been wearing all this time. Yes, actually the short hair that I use every day is not my real hair. I wear fake hair to look like a man. How could I possibly want to cut off my most precious and beautiful crown. It's the only thing I have to comfort myself.
I went downstairs to find Papa who was already sitting on the dining chair.
"Why are you home?" ask me after throwing my ass into the dining chair.
"Yes, if Papa is here it means Papa has come home" he replied with a jutek as usual.
Hufft .. I took the plate next to me and poured rice over it.
The mood was quiet as usual. There was only the sound of the spoon hitting the plate a few times.
"Where have you been going for a few days?" I asked who finally dared to ask.
"It's none of your business."
I silently heard Papa's reply. Although I already know the answer, but this stupid me still raises the question.
After finishing breakfast, Papa just went into his room without saying a word to me. Such a scene has happened often in my daily life.
I left as soon as I finished eating. I decided to go out. My feet just walk without direction. The morning breeze slightly pierced my skin. Even though I was wearing a jacket, the wind was able to penetrate into the skin. Yes, the morning weather is a little windy, but it does not prevent people from doing their activities on Sunday morning. Many people who exercise like jogging go around the complex. I don't feel like I'm walking far enough. Until arriving at the complex park which is located quite far from my home.
I sit on the park bench. The atmosphere of the park is very crowded. I looked around. There's nothing I recognize. Naturally, I am still a new citizen here.
"Sister Kia."
I flipped around in confusion. Who the hell called me.
"Sister Kia." That voice is now behind me.
I looked up and found a girl in a sports pants suit and a pink jacket.
"Rinjani," cried.
He smiled and then sat down next to me. "What else is going on here?"
"I went for a walk this morning, the weather was cold. What are you doing here?" askaku.
"Oh, I like to jog every week in the park, brother."
My lips form the letter 'O'. And smile.
"Oh yes, Brother. I'm sorry that Ari's sister passed out at school."
I frowned, then for a while my mouth was gaping. "You mean ... Bhishma?"
Rinjani nodded. "Yes Bhishma's sister is Ari's sister, my sister. I used to call Ari from childhood, anyway."
***
I sat on the couch inside the luxurious house that had visited once. Yes, I was at Rinjani's house. This morning in the park Rinjani did offer me to stop by her house. And I can't possibly refuse it. There is no point in me staying home either.
Rinjani was going to the room for a while to change her clothes that were already covered in sweat. As for me, there is no need for me to change clothes because I do not do activities that make my body sweat excessively.
Why Rinjani was so long ago, yes. I was getting bored who was just sitting looking at the luxury of this house. Maybe looking around a little bit is okay, yeah. I go wherever it catches my eye. I don't feel like I'm headed to a big glass door. The view from outside the door is very clear from inside the house. The pool behind the door is clearly visible. When I passed through the door I saw a man wearing short color pants with bare chest. Occasionally he did small gymnastic movements. After that he turned around and took the juice and drank it with one gulp. The stomach that looks showing off the muscular hemispheres looks very six pack. Proving that he often exercise to the gym. Bhishma, is it really Bhishma? These selfless eyes of mine even looked at the beauty of her body that looked perfect. However, even the name of a woman's instincts will not be able to escape. If only I had not realized that my mouth was mangap, perhaps the floor would have been wet by my drool .
"Sister!" I suddenly flinched when someone patted me on the shoulder from behind. And it makes Bhishma aware of the presence of others around him.
"What's not here anymore? I was looking for a brother I did not meet. Not even here."
"Sstt ..." I closed Rinjani's mouth with my index finger as a gesture to be quiet so that my presence was not known by Bhishma. But it seems that all of that is just in vain because Bisma has been hunted to realize it.
"Al, you what else is here?"
I also wave. "Gue .. I was just looking at your house. I got tired of waiting for Rinjani to change clothes. Don't misunderstand me, yeah." I rubbed my nape which clearly did not feel itchy.
"I'm sorry, Brother. It's been making Kia's sister wait a long time."
I moved both my hands. "Ah, no. That's not what it means ..." Damn why my voice even sounded like a thief who was caught stealing.
"Or don't you mind me again?" Bisma raised next to her eyebrows.
My eyes are rounded. How did he know that I was peeping-no I mean I accidentally passed by. And seeing this morning sight that refreshes my eyes. Isshh .. think what the hell I am. I immediately shook off that thought.
"Gue told you that I happen to be passing by and watching you."
"Look easy time. Don't be so tense. I'm just nanya."
Damn, why does this bisma seem to want to trap me and force me to admit that the truth is that I am paying attention.
"As far as you go" I said resignedly. No longer know what to say.
And thankfully Bhishma did not prolong this problem too much. He immediately went to his room to change clothes because today was Sunday which means the day he spent playing futsal with his friends. My eyes were ceaselessly staring at his back until he finally disappeared from sight.
"Sister likes Ari, huh?" suddenly the question surprised me.
"What are you talking about, anyway?"
"Honest, Brother. Seems to know from Brother's eyes. How do you look at Ari."
"You don't fuck around, Jani. I'm just a friend, too. How could I like him."
"Many people like to start from friendship, brother. Who was dating initially. I support 100% really if Kak Kia is the same as Kak Ari." Rinjani smiled as she blinked one eye flirtatiously at me.
I elbowed Rinjani slowly. "Apaan, anyway." Then we laughed.
I know Rinjani was just kidding. But ... Do I really like Bhishma? My own brain says where possible, but my heart says otherwise. Is that love in my life. I've never even felt what love is, and how it feels to be loved. There may be a little love from the only person I have in this world. Papa's. But my heart still doubts his love for me. Or maybe Dad could never love me.