MINUTES OF LONGING

The Power of Farah's Heart

Although life is difficult, never give up and complain. Live each situation and process patiently and confidently. Believe me if that process will help you grow. Until you will finally reach the peak of your happiness with loved ones._ Farah's.

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Farah POVs

Life cannot be forever happy. There will definitely be a seasoning of bitterness and sadness that comes with it. But sometimes I feel jealous of those who can smile and laugh casually. As for me, I don't even remember the last time I was able to smile happily. Ever since I was a kid, I've had hard days. Especially after my grandmother's death, I could almost never smile. There were only tears and moans of pain from my little mouth.

But I don't want to mourn my fate. I can still live my life. At least with my hard life, I was able to become an independent figure. A person who will never rely on others. I can't keep complaining and crying. I have to keep fighting. Moreover, there is still papa that I have to take care of and be happy. Although his figure is no longer able to protect me because of his condition. Then I will be the shield and protector for his weak body. Papa's the only person I have. Only papa is my reinforcement to survive the rigors of life.

Every day I have to get up as early as possible to finish homework. You could say I was awake before the cock crowed. Or my work won't be done in time. Not just having to do all the homework. I was also led to meet the needs of my family. I have to work to make money for our survival.

Even more distressing was that I also had to endure my sister's usual school. For her sake, I also had to be willing to drop out of school. But what to say, I can't and dare not resist and deny all my mother's orders. Mama always threatened to hurt papa if I didn't give her the money. I tried to accept and live it all, even though it was hard I had to keep fighting to protect papa. If you had not fallen ill, you would have always stood in front of me to always defend and protect me.

I really don't understand why my mom hates me so much. I tried to be a good and obedient child. But still everything I do is always wrong in his eyes. But unlike my sister, she was so spoiled. My mom never even said anything rude to him. She also never let him do the smallest amount of homework. As for me, without mercy my mother kept scolding me, yelling at me and sometimes hitting me. I don't know how many scars I've had on my body. I could no longer even feel pain when a new wound scratched my body.

“FARAH!!” I heard my mother's screams from the dining room. I ran as fast as I could to him. Right now I'm in papa's room, delivering breakfast and feeding him.

“What's Ma?” I asked softly while looking down.

“What did you cook this morning? Time from this busy morning in the kitchen there is only tempe and fried tofu.” Mama rebuked me with her loud voice.

“I'm bored every day eating tempe. I want to eat chicken and fried fish.” My sister Gina was scolding me.

“Sorry it wasn't enough money to buy chicken and fish. Earlier last month, some of the money was used to pay for Gina.” I tried to explain them.

“Oh so you want to say that I'm spending money? Finding that money is already your job. You're a big brother, so you have to take responsibility for me.” Gina's chirps are full of emphasis.

“How dare you blame Gina! I don't want to know tomorrow there's got to be chicken and fried fish on the table. If it's still tempeh and know again. You and your father will feel the consequences. If I have to make your useless papa disappear all.” Mama stood up and pulled my veil. I grimaced because my hair was interested. I tried to hold my hijab off so that it wouldn't come off.

“But our Ma really doesn't have enough money.” I answered softly while holding back the pain in my scalp.

“I don't want to know, you have to find a way to earn more money. If necessary you have to work harder in order to get more money.” His whisper in my ear. Although his voice was soft but it sounded very scary.

“Yes I've no taste for food anymore. Gina better go to school. Ni eat your favorite fried tempe.” Gina passed away while throwing a piece of fried tempeh at me.

“Mama is also lazy to linger here.” Mama answered me, throwing my body. I also fell on the floor.

They left me there alone. I felt like crying, but even now my tears are reluctant to come out for them. I looked at the backs of those who were moving away from me. I got up and cleaned up all the mess that was there. I went back to papa's room to continue my duty of bribing him. But before that I clean myself up first. I don't want papa to see my messy condition and make papa sad.

Ceklek. I smiled gently as I approached Papa. I want to show you if I'm okay. But it seems like my dad knows me very well. Papa easily knew my code. I sat by his side, reaching back to the plate I had placed on the nightstand. Papa kept looking at me sharply, his lips twitching. Maybe you're worried about me and want to talk to me about something.

“Farah is fine Pa. Papa more breakfast yes.” I smiled while scooping food for papa. But immediately my movements stopped when I saw papa shed tears.

“Papa why cry? Farah it's really okay Pa. Mama just asked Farah to make milk for Gina. Gina is still in her growth stage. Milk is good for the body and brain. If Gina grows up to be a smart kid, she can help us in the future. Gina can bring our family back. We can live happily again like we used to.” I tried to cheer up Papa by shifting the topic. I gently rubbed papa's tears. I put out a spoonful of that food. Slowly, he opened his mouth. I smiled, at least papa is feeling a little calm now.

“Im sorry Farah Pa. Farah couldn't tell papa the truth. Let Farah bear it all. Farah wants papa to heal quickly, Farah dear papa.” even though my lips smile, but my mind cries. I don't want to add to papa's mind load. Let your father calm down so he can recover soon.

After finishing feeding and tidying papa. I'm getting ready to go to work. I work in a printing press not far from Al Amin boarding school. The place is in a neighboring village, not too far from my real home. It's just that the little village road is not good, sometimes it becomes my control. I often go on a bike or just walk. When Jehan's free, my best friend will always accompany me. It was Jihan who always comforted and accompanied me. She was always there for me, even though she was a tomboyish and fierce looking girl. But he has such a good heart.

I purposely wrapped up all the food I was cooking. Instead of redundant, I thought about sharing it with people in need. Usually at the end of the road like there are children buskers who go there. If I have more money, I often give a little of my reserves to him. Even if only a pack or two of bread has made them happy. Not forgetting before leaving I say goodbye to papa. I also asked him to do’a so that today God gives me a spaciousness of rizqi. So that I can fulfill the wishes of my mother and sister.

As usual when my mother is not home, I always leave the keys to my neighbor Joko. He's a very nice person, I always leave papa to him. Mr. Joko will often look at papa. Bakhan sometimes Pak Joko also accompanied papa until mom came home. With the presence of Mr. Joko I feel calm leaving papa while working.

I paddled my bike through the uneven village streets. Throughout the journey my mind was unfocused. I always remember my mother's words. Anyway I should be able to serve the chicken and fried fish tomorrow. I can only say’a that today God has given me rizqi and a way out. So that tomorrow I will no longer find harsh words and actions from my mother and sister.

“Yes Allah send forth the rizqi of the servant today. Servant always believes you are the solution giver. I will never doubt Your glory. You are the most helpful one. 'HASBUNALLAHU WA NI'MAL WAKIIL (Enough Allah be our helper and Allah is the best backrest)'.” I BERTO’a in heart. Spirits to myself. I believe God will not abandon his servant.

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