Loving You in My Way

CHAPTER 41

Ayyub was still silent with Neera on the sofa in the living room. Ayyub was still faithfully waiting for the answer from his wife. Although his heart was filled with disappointment but he tried to hold it back.

"Neera, please answer me. Don't just shut up" Ayyub repeated.

"What should I answer" Neera said weakly.

"You're obviously the same as me. Why did you avoid that time, will you forever disappear from my sight and forever you intend to hide the children from me ?" cecar Ayyub was full of emotions.

"How do you think ?" ask Neera.

"I need your answer not your question" Ayyub replied a little insistent.

"Yes, what do you think ? When I was forced out of your life, when I saw you were always together, when togetherness was based on friendship. But your best friend forced me to leave my feet, plus your family's hatred for me. Do I have to run to you again when you don't want me that much ?" asked Neera who had shed tears.

"Why can you deduce for yourself, I still wanted you so badly back then even now". Reply Ayyub.

"You want me ? You think when you were dishonest to me back then you still wanted me, when you were always close to Vina without any clear boundaries you still wanted to be with me, you still wanted to be with me, then when you don't really care about our lives you think you still appreciate me. Never mind Ayyub, do not talk about it again, I tried to bury this.

"How can I not talk about it, when my wife ran away without my permission and tried to leave me ?" reply Ayyub stabbed.

"How could I not have left you if I was alone at the time and had no reason to stay there, I still had my pride and I loved my family so much" said Neera who started sobbing.

"You better be honest with me, what the real reason you left me and why you hid my children. What if I don't find you guys, should I forever not know about their whereabouts ?" ask Ayyub who is beginning to calm down.

"How can I be there when your own family forces me to leave, plus your boyfriend says he's pregnant and that's your son, even I saw you guys in the same hotel room" it was clearly Neera who was still hiding her biggest reason.

Neera still does not want to demonize the Ayyub family, especially the mother-in-law in front of her child. Neera still valued the Ayyub family even though they had hurt Neera too deeply. But how else, they were her husband's family.

"But you know it's all just a misunderstanding. You could have explained everything to them and I will definitely clarify the news. Why don't you talk to me ?" ask Ayyub who is still suspicious on the grounds of Neera.

"How could I talk to you, when it was just me, even Vina was there showing evidence that I was out to the hotel at night, while I was just arguing, you won't believe me either" Neera explained.

"You think I'm going to spread my husband's disgrace, do you also not think about how your family feels, especially your mama when she finds out that her son impregnates other women especially her family friend's son, your family is the same as you, your family is the same as you, honorable women, from good families who are coveted to be your wife even when I'm still with you" Neera explained in frustration.

Ayyub was troubled by Neera's explanation, though he believed there was another reason why Neera had left him. Ayyub was not sure Neera would leave the house if that was the reason. Look how sholeha his wife, even when she is slandered even though she does not still keep her husband in front of her family and others. Though Neera could have reasoned to leave because Ayyub cheated on him.

"But why didn't you rebuke me back then, when you saw me on the bakery triplets" asked Ayyub again after a long silence.

"How do you think I felt when I saw my husband either my ex-husband with the woman who became his best friend and lover, oh not even then I thought that he was your new wife, making out in front of me. There's nothing more I can do. I don't want to disturb your lives, I'm so grateful for the triplets in my life. At that time I just wanted to keep them just for me, I wanted you to be kind enough to leave us, because they were the reason I lived, they were my life, I couldn't afford to lose them" neera Sudu.

"Don't you want me anymore, isn't there any love left in your heart for me ?" ayyub is weak.

"Want ?? I don't know. At that time I did not dare to expect anything, I just appreciate the presence of triplets with me" Neera said.

"Love ? Of course there is, even as hard as I bury it the sense that it cannot be removed just like that. But that's how I love you, by letting you be happy with the woman you chose and not interfering with your life anymore with our presence" Neera said.

"How can you sacrifice so far, your way implies that you don't love me anymore. You also disappeared from our circle of friends" Ayyub said.

"It's the only way I have, I love you so much, but I'm not sure that you love me the way I love you. As long as we were together, we were just wearing pretend masks, as if our household was fine. We never talk inside. How our hearts are, what you want, what I need. We are always silent to avoid disputes. We never really let each other understand the situation, just worry about each other that we will get hurt so that it makes us further away" Neera said.

"Don't baby, I've been quiet all this time. I know when my family was holding you back. It requires you to do all the housework. I also know that you always keep quiet when Vina and my family come after you on various charges and I just keep quiet" Ayyub said.

"No dear.." refuted Neera with increasingly heavy tears wetting her cheeks.

Neera was very surprised by Ayyub's statement. Her husband knows everything. Even her husband kept this from her.

"Right, baby, this is the truth. To make matters worse, I was still close to Vina when I had you as my wife. I hurt you too deeply. I don't know what to do, I can't choose between my family and you especially it's my mama" Ayyub explained with teary eyes.

"Enough Ayyub, stop.." pinta Neera who could no longer listen to it.

"No, baby, I was wrong. I turned when I saw you hurt. I was the one who ignored you when you cried alone in the room. I'm also sad and hurt when you're always smiling at me especially right after you've been crying all day. You keep it to yourself and I cannot make you happy either. I'm dead-end baby, I did all that because I didn't want to see you get any more tormented, I didn't want you to get hurt any more. I'm sorry Neera." I regret Ayyub was accompanied by tears.