Love Story in College

Chapter 20

Not passing people or cars, Banri ran as if struggling through the quiet streets before dawn.

The sky is still dark.

The clouds covered half of the sky, the shadows pitch-black. The wind blew fiercely, and from the other direction a pale blue light had just started to spread out. Obviously, the night seemed to be over, he thought.

When Banri got on the first train, it was just past five in the morning.

NANA-senpai, Linda and Mitsuo are still in the live house, and may take part in the after-party.

Umm, about the situation with Kouko.

… As for the inconvenience with Linda after that, nothing. Linda frantically apologized, saying, "Sorry, sorry, sorry. I was a little drunk. I'm really sorry." He bowed his head to his junior, Kouko who was still silent and paralyzed. For Banri, wearing women's clothes, covering his cheeks like a girl soaking wet for the sake of being slapped. For the amused-looking guests passing by.

NANA-senpai, who feels difficulties on the way, forces herself and spreads the guest, pulls Linda's arm, and takes her to the table.

Banri, seeing the quick action and seeing Kouko, regained his senses. Taking Kouko's still-standing hand and pulling her into the back room, she somehow handed the keys to her room to him.

I'm working now, so there's nothing I can do, but since I really want to talk to you, I want you to wait at my place, she asked calmly, pleading with him. Kouko did not say anything; she only saw the key clasped in her hand. The way he saw it, Banri thought, shivering.

But he could not wait for his answer, and Banri returned to the hall once more, yet went into the wet heat from before.

But now he didn't seem to be bound by the spell that held him before.

With an uproar just now, he had completely swallowed the gum, and the one here now was simply Tada Banri. He is no longer a cool cross-dresser, at his day job off campus. He is an ordinary student.

The mood and excitement were gone, the silver tray in one hand, he returned to the simple work of getting drinks for the people. Unable to talk to Linda after that, she just waited for the time to stop. When Kouko had slapped him, it instantly hit the wound on his lips, and his mouth was tickling the entire time, making him in a lot of pain.

His mind was just "What should I do?"

He wondered what he thought of it all. His lies have been revealed. She looks flirting with Linda. He gave her the key. What should he do…

If Kouko comes home with disdain for her, she will not be able to return to her own home.

But, disgust, being hated, being dumped, might be to be expected.

… Just thinking about things like that makes him depressed. Even being paid cash under the table for the job, as the boss promised, he thought that he might no longer have a purpose for it.

So, alone, without asking his friends to come back with him, he hurriedly changed his clothes, washed his face harshly, and left the place. He's headed to the walking station. The other people who boarded the first carriage with him did not pay any special attention to the one young man who was riding with the rest of the thick makeup on his face.

Sitting alone, he saw his phone. There were over sixty messages in it. Where are you now? Why don't you answer? What the hell are you doing? Are you okay…? He can't open them anymore. The incoming call log was filled to the brim, entirely by Kouko. Banri covered his face with both hands. He can't breathe. He can't breathe at all.

Unable to reach him, Kouko constantly looked for him from around ten o'clock onwards.

He left his house at midnight.

He arrived and found no one at home. It's one in the morning.

Go around to the usual Banri haunted places, from convenience stores, to family restaurants, bars, Mitsuo places, around the school, and had gone everywhere as soon as he arrived home dwelling and a little after thirty in the morning.

With high heels and one piece of clothing, in a state of total panic, alone, Kouko ran around central Tokyo. Looking for signs of a missing liar, Banri.

He seemed to think he might have had an accident, or he suddenly fell ill, and fell somewhere. The message became very choppy. Because I'm coming now! Because you're gonna be okay! Since I will actually find you! — Pushing back his crest, Banri said nothing.

There is absolutely nothing.

He's to blame.

Kouko has been clinging to him, not giving him the impression that he is strong, and while he knows he is the one who will jump to conclusions, he lies to her, and makes it seem as if breaking contact with her.

And after doing that, she was finally found, working hard at a fun job with Linda. Even though Kouko hates him doing such a thing.

And then, what he had done with Linda …

He felt there was no reason for what he said, or for what he thought. He only accepts everything Kouko feels and expects.

Finally arriving at his own station, out of the ticket gate, Banri ran once again. Exploded into his own apartment room, which may have been left unlocked,

"… Kaga-san …?"

Kouko sat there alone in the quiet darkness, before dawn.

Not fiddling with his phone, completely empty, without even crying.

"Kaga-san, err ... really …"

While Banri frantically searches for words to say, he takes off his shoes, as if kicking them. Coming into the room, he sat by Kouko's side as if it was collapsing. Calming his breath that was panting, squeezing his breathless throat, somehow trying to utter a single word of apology, he said,

"I'm sorry for throwing sake at you. To hit you too. Even though your wound hasn't healed. I'm sorry."

Kouko beat him up.

"… Even though I wanted to be a 'good girl' and not do things like that, I messed it up. Of course I did. … Whatever I've done, I've fucked up."

Kouko blames herself.

As if his entrails were captured, Banri could not say anything, still panting. Although he should have been prepared, the fear of the situation suddenly clogged his throat.

He saw it clearly.

The person he loves, whom he thinks he will get, is in the process of losing. Nowow.

Already, that guy doesn't like it. He would never show her a smile again. He won't look for her. He won't ask for it.

"…Itsa…"

He is no longer found in her.

I have disappeared. No matter where you look, I've disappeared.

I have disappeared …

"… I'm so sorry! Really, i! … Sorry …!"

In grief as if prostrating, Banri, who was still sitting beside Kouko, lowered his head repeatedly.

"I want to take you to the beach. Whatever happens. I want to look like a proper boyfriend, not treated, but to look cool. No matter what, no matter what, I want to have money. So, I lied to you and did the job in secret. I didn't know I was going to be with Linda-senpai. But together, acting as if we were a couple, things get interesting and weird, and we stick together for the sake of the guests. That's it, really. I'm sorry for making you worry. And for lying. Really, really, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry … "

Time and time again, he desperately lowered his head. Many times, the sound of his forehead on the floor shot up into the air.

Going to lose him in reality, he was more desperate than he thought. He didn't feel impossible. He can't just give up. It was like his brain was on fire, thinking about whether there was any way he could be done, or there was a way he could be forgiven. If he could be forgiven, what should he do, his voice trembled. His hands, flat on the floor, shook as well.

After all that happened.

He's understood.

But, he was afraid of it.

He had no choice but to be afraid, truly afraid. It was more than he could bear.

If he is reliable, he wants to be relied upon. He doesn't want to think about disappearing from Kouko's life. It was as if he himself had disappeared. As if everything means nothing. Doing so, being empty, everything, everything would be completely gone. Again. So somehow, since I would do anything, I would say nothing, so I asked, please, please …

Kouko was silent for a while longer, and finally,

"… ngh …"

He understood it as a sign he was trying to say something. Banri, like an animal, raised his eyes quickly and looked at Kouko's face. Kouko, open her mouth once, she said,

"…Then why…"

Saying that, he closed his mouth again, once again silent. He made a strange face, as if testing the taste of something that was in his mouth, twice, three times, tilting his head to the side, trying to smile, he said,

"… Li,"

A small voice rang out from his throat, he fell silent again.

He closed his eyes.

He took a few breaths if counting, and opened his eyes. He looked at Banri. Then,

"That's a lot, you said."

He formed his lips to form a smile, but those lips trembled slightly.

"… I hate it ... when you lie …!"

In front of Banri's eyes, Kouko's white finger pointed to one corner of the room.

Understanding what he meant, Banri gasped.

What Kouko points out: a cheap box that serves as his bookshelf. The place from which the image had suddenly disappeared.

Kouko saw it, of course.

And then he was silent the whole time.

He waited the whole time, secretly, for Banri to say something.

"… I, sir …"

Practically Banri is flabbergasted, his eyes wide open, when he mentions the things he has given Kouko: betrayal, disappointment, lies, deception, so that he can say anything .

But what will he do? Is it true to have faith in her, in that lowly life of saying such a thing to her?

"… About, Linda, sempai,"

He squeezed it out of his throat.

As he listened to Banri's voice, Kouko did not even move.

"Before I lost my memory, we were classmates. From the same high school, in the same class, in the same club, we were friends. … I completely forgot about him, and didn't know him at all, meeting him purely by chance. Linda, of course, recognized me at once, but she pretended not to be long, and played the role of senpai against me. "

His voice betrayed his heart, and it was not a beautiful sight.

Nevertheless, he spoke. He can't help it.

"…Why?"

Kouko, his body is not moving, he said,

"Didn't you tell me …?"

He asked, as if whispering.

"… Because I don't want you to know. Before I lost my memory, I loved Linda. I don't want you to realize it."

Not turning on the lights, in the middle of the darkness, Kouko remained in a sitting position. Sitting cross-legged, he stared blankly at Banri's face.

His eyes blinked slowly.

"… That, in other words, is it because .. I'm a shitty woman …? Or at any rate because you think I'm noisy, chatty and distracting …?"

"No. It's because I feel guilty."

He could no longer lie to this person.

He can't have secrets.

If there was anything he could offer her, it was honesty. That's all, Banri thought. Already, he had nothing but what was left to give. So, he kept talking.

"There was a time when my memory returned."

"… Uh …? What, what …?"

"Suddenly, like a flashback, there's nothing I can do about it. There was a stormy moment, where my soul, my life was screaming, crying, 'I want to go back to where Linda is.'"

"…"

Banri realizes that for the first time, he is at a loss for words.

For a few seconds Kouko was silent, her body curving backwards as if she was shocked, and then, she was shocked,

"… Why, did ... you tell me about that …!?"

Cracked, his head jolted forward like a puppet whose head was pulled backwards.

Her beautiful face shriveled upwards, tears streaming down from under her eyelashes and down onto her cheeks. From the lips that were twisted as if their teeth were clenched, they fell to the floor.

"But I want to be a good boyfriend …! Even when I saw her picture, I thought I should wait for you to say something to me! I've been thinking I should stop pushing you for an answer, and stop acting unsafe! I think I should try to calm myself down, look at things in a good way and be less irritating! I really tried hard …! I did! I did my best! But, but, if you tell me about it, who, what should I do !? And look already, everything is not good, everything turns out bad, like this …! It looks like this! Now what am I going to do? I hate this, I hate that! I can't take it anymore! "

Striking the floor with both hands, the sound of Kouko's cry, hoarse, practically became a scream.

Although Banri trembled to be able to jump over and touch his shoulder, he could not. Even though he was shaking violently from top to bottom. Already, he couldn't even apologize.

"Ke, why !? Why did you say it? Hey, why, why !? Why, why are you saying that to me !?"

"…I want to be,"

Unable to get close to him, Banri could do nothing but speak the truth.

"honest with you."

"I don't want to know!"

He threw out his words, like a shout, sharp and pointed.

He wondered what would happen to this, from those last words.

He prepares Kouko to stand up, for this to be his last time together. He would leave his room as it was, leave at all and never come back. So he thought.

Instead, Kouko who was standing on her knees as if she had knocked herself down, crashed hard enough, and clung to Banri's neck who was still sitting.

"Dragon, s.a …"

Leaning all his weight on Banri's shocked body, he pressed his sobbing face against his neck.

Banri could not say anything to the heat of his cheeks, and closed both of his eyes tightly.

Her tears were soaking, her lips were shaking,

"Tada-kun, you are a storm .. Like a storm, you awaken my heart."

As soon as he muttered, his tears fell once more, he sobbed, but never once let go. The hand that wrapped around Banri's head held tightly to the back of his t-shirt.

She wondered if it was okay to touch her slender body. Despite his doubts, Banri wrapped both arms around Kouko's back. As if she was relieved, Kouko's crying voice, like that of a child, became less loud.

"Can you forgive me …?"

"I've forgotten it."

Lifting his face wet with tears, Kouko stared back at Banri's eyes. Letting his breath out from his half-opened lips,

"… please. Forget the past. I'm fine with that. I only wish one thing from you, that's it .. So .. please …"

He was waiting for Banri's answer.

Kouko's wet eyes trembled miserably, flashing, sparkling like two stars in the night sky.

Nodding, Banri, Banri,

"… I get it. I'll do that."

He promised her.

On Kouko's crying face, her makeup walked over, finally, slowly, a gentle smile spread. Kouko's stars sparkled and gently whispered that she believed in such a man, someone like Tada Banri.

— Although he knows that it is not something he has control over. Although once again, up to this point, he had become a man who collected lies, and promised that he could not keep up.

She held Kouko tightly, over her shoulder. Only Banri kept his eyes open in the dark. He could not see anything moving, anything that lived from there. There was no one else, except the empty room reflected in his eyes.

The day of their first meeting. Mitsuo pointed at Kouko and called her a "disaster." And now, thought Banri.

As far as Kouko is concerned, he himself is a disaster. In fact, he was an outrageous trouble-maker. Carrying people into distress, causing them pain, he was clearly a spirit of misfortune.

Find a woman, get closer to her, and then, like this, catch her and hurt her …

"… Tada-kun, from now on, may I call you 'Banri'?"

"Yes, it's okay."

"It's me .. Banri, can you call me 'Kouko'?"

"It's me .. Banri, can you call me 'Kouko'?"

"Yes, it's okay, .. Kouko."

"Banri"

"Koko"

"I love you. It turns out like this, I don't know. But, I love you. I really love you."

…How?

Someone like me.

It was something he wanted to ask, but he kept his mouth shut. Asking for it means nothing. No matter how sweet the answer he might get from Kouko, there was no way he could believe it.

Because he more than anyone knows his own value, the damage his own existence does and his evil influence.

"… And I love you too. I'm really sorry. … Completely. Excuse me. I'm so sorry."

Hmph, smiling gently, Kouko moved her body, holding Banri's hand.

She wrapped her own cheeks with Banri's hands.

"… My face looks terrible, doesn't it? Don't I look ugly?"

"No, you're fine. Look at me: I just realized I didn't clean my makeup very well. Looks like the foundation was laid. There's a lot of color around my eyes."

"You're right. Dark under your eyes."

"Oh, me too? It's been weird since a while ago …"

Mwa

He could only feel her kiss.

Kouko had to lean forward to kiss him.

His cheeks were still wrapped in Banri's hands, Kouko looked down. With his eyes closed, he gently held his breath. And then, his eyes, which were hidden by his eyelashes, trembled, and still could not look at Banri's eyes,

"… When morning comes, can't we buy makeup remover? I was thinking, maybe ... that's something we can do .. while I'm staying here in this room …"

That's what he thinks.

He said he wanted to be here until morning.

By staying here in my room, she said she wanted us to have a relationship from now on.

"… Kaga-sa .. Kouko"

Without stirring, he waited. Her long eyelashes, mascara melted with tears, shook with Banri's movements.

Banri, almost reflexively, pulled his hand from the soft feeling wrapped around his back.

As if shocked, Kouko's eyes opened wide,

(Look, Tada Banri. Your hand ..)

Banri could not see the back of his hand, or even breathe.

(Just from hiding what you've done in hurting Kaga Kouko, your hands must be dirty.)

…Oh that's right.

"… Banri …"

His voice choked, Kouko once again clasped Banri's hand tightly. He braided his fingers with his fingers, squeezing them hard.

"Hey, I'm worried. … Do you understand? Do you, understand me?"

Raising his face and looking into Banri's eyes, his voice trembled once more as if he was crying.

"No matter what, I'm worried .. there's nothing else but you and me. The time we have together is not enough. What we experience is not enough. Not memories. … Even the pictures."

Doing so, she gently returned Kouko's hand to her lap, overlapping each other. As if it was clear and easy to understand that he did not want to touch her any more than this, he pulled just a little from her.

With a sad face, like an abandoned child, Kouko looked at Banri in astonishment,

"Then, let's take a photo. Nowow. Soon, even. Any moment. A picture of you and me; I want it. Let's start there, both of us."

Banri smiled at him. He intended to swear to her that he would put everything he had into it.

He, Tada Banri, will never hurt Kaga Kouko again. For that reason, he would continue, shredding all his doubts and past with this hand.

The past, the present, the future, all for Kaga Kouko's happiness, not hers.

"So there's no need to rush. Since I've let you down, I don't want to force you unreasonably."

In a bit, Kouko nodded.

On the other side of the curtain looked a pale blue light. It must be dawn, Banri thought.

The night is over and again morning comes.

* * *

While waiting for Linda in the afternoon near the station ticket gate, Banri saw a photo.

You could say it is definitive proof that he was in High School and Linda had lived at the same time.

With her thumb, she gently traced her own smile. Linda who was laughing next to him, this time, was loved to death. … That, by me.

I feel sure. It was me, he said in his heart.

Gently putting the photo in his bag pocket, he raised his healed face and,

"There's Banri!"

It was Linda herself, running up the stairs and waving towards him. Indeed, dressed as at home with a simple T-shirt and cargo pants, the sandals clucked,

"You waiting? I mean ... I mean .. really! Pardon me! Sorry about that!"

As he approached, panting, he carried both hands in front of him where he could see them. Then,

"I was drunk last night, really! What will I do ... I make Kouko-chan angry, and I can't blame her.. Really, I'm serious .. the worst … "

Still staring down as hard as he could, he lowered his head as if heartbroken. Shaking his head as he stepped towards her, the bewildered Banri,

"No! Please don't worry like that! Kouko is fine!"

Playing around, he gave his thumbs up. But Linda did not see him or smile for him.

"If she's okay, then why is this talking …?"

"Well, umm, well .. a lot of things."

This morning he sent a message to Linda: "About yesterday, there are some things I want to talk about, so is it okay if I meet you at your place?" And then Banri, alone, goes to the town where Linda lives.

Moving to the first station, he took the first train. And then, he got into the first station. She meets Linda at a place she doesn't know, with only one quiet little shop there.

All he tells Kouko is that Linda-senpai will talk to him. So he asked, "Are you going to return the photo to me?" All he asked of her was the photo she had brought. He's in Banri's room, waiting for Banri to return.

"For now, why don't we go to the store?"

"There's no shop around here. … How else, will we walk?"

Linda turned towards the sign for the north entrance. He went down the stairs and Banri followed behind. Getting down from the raised structure and out of the turnstile, he got his first view of the city.

The small station is next to a private train line.

Thinking back to when he was on the train, it was very rural. It was very difficult for him to believe that this too was Tokyo. Banri wonders if it's because it's much farther from the city center than where he lives, with the 'hustle-bustle' of an impersonal, residential area, but then there was a faint smell of dirt hanging in the air. Maybe he's close to some farm. Banri felt it was shocking, but he missed it a little. Even with herself like this, it felt like something she missed: Shimada City and home, the scent of tea plantations stretched all the way to the forest on the mountainside, the source said, vaguely mixed with gasoline and engine oil, just like at home.

While they were looking around restlessly, they came out from under the roof of the station. Suddenly and spontaneously the two of them shouted loudly. The intense and harsh sunlight of the full summer invaded their entire bodies like flames.

While they were looking around restlessly, they came out from under the roof of the station. Suddenly and spontaneously the two of them shouted loudly. The intense and harsh sunlight of the full summer invaded their entire bodies like flames.

Without tall buildings, the sky was vast, and right in front of the station was a row of single houses. They were clearly inadequate to be a shop.

Banri follows behind Linda as they walk on the sidewalk. A row of wide and unusually wide trees walked along the path as far as he could see. As if choosing a path under the shadow of the vast and thick trees, they finally came out on the river bank.

Undergrowth hid its banks, the river flowed full.

The water smells of summer, with a rather fishy aroma.

At the riverbank in the middle of the day, there were forms of people scattered here and there. People bring their dogs. People take their kids for a walk. There were people jogging, and the old man was engrossed in chatting. Each of them was wearing a hat or carrying an umbrella, protecting themselves from the July sunshine.

Linda too, was wearing a raw cotton hat, though,

"… all right. What if we hear your story? What the hell's going on? Is something going on?"

He turned towards Banri.

On a very hot pavement, you will burn if you touch it, there are two sharp black shadows.

He wondered if what they were planting on the bank of that wide river was a cherry tree. The strong wind gave off a great rustling sound, gliding over the surface of the water and through the thick branches and leaves.

As if they were afraid, or stirred with a strange anxiety, the creaking of branches and stems reached even into Banri's ears.

"It's like the past."

Linda's brown eyes are dazzling, but they seem to be squinting.

"… You said that in the past, we didn't date each other."

"Yes that's right."

"I love you. But, senpai, .. Linda, you don't love me. It seems so."

Linda held onto her hat with one hand to make sure the hat was not flying, but she clearly nodded.

"That's right. In an emotional sense, it seems. You are friends, but there is no love. I, no, love you."

He took the picture out of his pocket.

Speaking within himself, Banri asked, "Did you hear it, right?" to her smiling self in the picture. "I want you to hear clearly."

No matter how strong you feel, however much you want to go back, there is no turning back.

Linda said she "didn't like" you.

So it's giving up.

Help me to die.

Disappear.

"… ngh"

He tried to tear the photo in one go, but no matter what he did, his fingers had no power. He grasped it in both hands like an idiot, taking a few deep breaths, yet the hand did not move for him.

In front of Linda, Banri lowered her head, helpless.

… I asked you, so disappear for me. No, no, no, no. Somehow, I'm begging you. No, no, no, no. Please no more. Not likely. Makes the pain in my heart go away.

(No way!)

I like Linda.

He wants to be on Linda's side. He always wanted to laugh with her. He would love to be with Linda. Without Linda there, she wouldn't do anything. Living without joy, without happiness, or anything else, Banri keeps looking for Linda. Always was. Really, always, for a long time. No matter how far apart they are. Even if his voice could no longer reach the woman. He's always looking for her. He wants to come back. He wants to find her.

But, he couldn't help that it was just a one-sided feeling.

Then he even injured Kaga Kouko.

Strength ran from his trembling hands. The image was detached from them, the wind on the verge of carrying it, as Linda's white fingers grabbed onto it in midair.

"… Tada, Banri .. you, are you okay?"

"… I owe you a lot for everything you've done. Thank you so much for now."

Desperately, Banri looked up.

After losing the photo, both of his hands had not moved, trembling but stiffening. Even so, he thought he should be able to smile.

But nothing is visible. Nothing is heard. His head also had nothing to say.

"From now on, say that in the past we were acquaintances, that we never had a relationship. Of course, if this or that was said, it would be due to stress. I don't want us talking about my amnesia. After all, those are things I can't even remember. So, thank you for the attention you have given me. I want to say goodbye to my past. I want everything not to be there. So, "

"No way, no way!" screamed his emotions, as if they were coiling about him.

As those words exploded in his mind, Banri tore them apart. So throwing them away, he was determined not to look back anymore.

"So, from now on we are just senpai and kouhai at the club. No need to pay no attention at all. As for me, of course, after all, wouldn't think the difference."

Standing like this, continuously flapping his jaw, was the best he could do.

He could not see Linda's expression. He could not think about his emotions. Banri did nothing but tear and throw away part of his heart.

It was bleeding, he thought.

It was his own meat, of course.

The remnants of his feelings for Linda who was revived that night, they were actually from a human-forming substance called Tada Banri. It was clearly part of him. It was meat.

Naturally, it was torn, and it hurt. Not saying the pain, Banri thought of Kouko. The face of a lover that he should not hurt.

In front of his eyes, the face of the person he had loved before.

Even though he was rude, he shouldn't have hurt her. Holding onto such thoughts, Banri continued moving his mouth in a daze.

… But Linda doesn't love him. And because of that,

"I mean, honestly, honestly, Kouko is a little worried about you. I want to take good care of her, and make a clear distance between us. Sorry the ridiculous remark I made has turned out to be that way." What an incredible misunderstanding … "

While blood that no one could see gushed from his heart, Banri laughed for the show. The wound on his lips that was still not healed hurt.

"…Yes, right."

Linda, my,

"It's okay. I get it."

Holding the photo with one hand blown by the wind, holding his hat with that hand, under the brightness of mid-summer, he listened to Banri's words.

Hidden by the protective cap, his eyes could not be seen.

Just his lips, smile.

"I understand perfectly. So, yeah. You're correct. I don't think you need to worry about Kouko-chan worrying, nor do I. And I think it should be."

Then,

"…AH…!"

Banri's voice is a rising voice.

Forcefully, Linda tore the photo in her hand in half.

And then it becomes two again, and again.

As more and more were torn apart, into small and small pieces, the pieces of the photo began to flutter, dancing from Linda's hands. And like that, they were scattered in the wind.

The pieces simply disappeared, flying somewhere far away. It is impossible to recover them. It won't be anymore.

"It's better this way, Banri."

* * *

To his surprise, the lips moved,

"I always back off, Banri."

To his surprise, the lips moved,

"I always back off, Banri."

Still unable to hand her the umbrella, she listened to Linda's voice.

He might be cold, really cold. The sound was shaking horribly.

The mid-winter night rain drenched Linda's half-frozen coat, sparkling in a green cloth.

While she was completing her task as the "Last Act", Linda froze like this, waiting all the time under the roof near the door.

And then, now, he squeezed those words.

"… I don't fully understand why, but every now and then I'm an incredible idiot. Why are what I think and what I say two completely different things? … I did it without thinking at length. "

That white cheek, though,

"… Please forgive my idiot."

Just like tears, the frozen raindrops followed them, falling down.

When he saw that, that was when.

His feet stepped out of their own accord, having nothing to do with his own desires. They ran. Even though he had decided he should not forgive her, or talk to her again, his body moved on its own. And then these hands, these,

"… I cannot forgive you. I'll never, never like someone like Linda."

She held out an umbrella over Linda.

Only the words that came out of her mouth fit her intentions, but it was already a worthless structure even for herself, and perhaps even Linda knew it.

"I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry, Banri …!"

Staring at her from under the umbrella, Linda muttered with a look of despair. His mouth opened as though he was panting, he was shivering, looking pale.

It was at this moment that the flame was lit.

A fire entered his heart.

"… Gosh. What kind of face are you making !?"

"Aghhh!"

Joking as usual, she gave a gentle punch to Linda. Acting as if they were going back to playing around, he said, "Enough! Let's go!"

He doesn't love me.

If those words are a hasty reaction, then Linda, to me …

Jeez, he thought, shaking his head from side to side as he walked. There's no road. You can't go that far. Even he knows the difference in nuances between "Not because I don't like you" and "I like you".

But, maybe there is, a little there.

… He may have hope, possibility, or something like that.

We may, after this, perhaps in one way or another happen. With Linda by my side, under a single umbrella, staring at her face, bearing the heat of the fire in her heart.

In that way, Linda and I have escaped the danger of breaking their friendship, and have managed to reconcile with each other.

As for me, I really regretted those ten days.

If you know exactly when your days are going to end, if you know your deadline, then you are not going to do stubborn things. Even though one's time was limited, and although his time was getting smaller, he had actually wasted ten precious days.

Tada Banri walks alone.

I followed behind, silent.

I wanted to tell him, 'Look back at this form of mine.' I knew that this voice would not reach him when I tried to speak. Even so, I want to tell him.

See.

I was covered in blood.

And then look back at yourself.

You are also covered in blood.

You take your wounds with all your might, that's what you do. If you don't want to see your wounds, then you should let them. Just walk forward, don't look behind you, don't see myself standing.

In the end, that day will come when you remember.

That day, when your body was lifted from the bottom of the river, covered in blood, your own body. You lost everything, everything except the injured body.

Me, .. we.

Then, and right now, you'll see how stained your blood is.

* * *

"… You pose again! I told you not to do it, it doesn't look natural!"

Banri laughed spontaneously, and took down the camera he had prepared. His hands were trembling with laughter, and after all he was not the best at taking photos.

"What's? I'm not posing, am I?"

"Yes you!"

"I'm not."

That said, once he had set up the camera, Kouko, of course, had one hand on her hip. And his legs crossed, his head tilted to one side, smiling for the camera. She had clearly decided to show herself too perfectly, like a model. Feeling funny, Banri, of course, laughed out loud. It seems Kouko was also caught, saying "What …?" because he laughs too.

In things like this, for a while now, even forever, it was as if Kouko didn't really want her to take anything that felt natural, or even daily.

Both are in Banri's apartment.

Kouko has brought a digital camera.

"I mean, it's because I know you're trying to make me, just me, the subject of the photos."

Kouko, who had been near the wall, stepped towards Banri, grabbed his arm, grabbed the hand holding the camera and pointed the lens towards the two of them. Put their cheeks together,

"I want to bring one of us both. Look, ... over there, smile!"

"… Uh …"

Since he was not used to it, he could not take a good self-portrait. Banri becomes agitated, shy, and eventually laughs awkwardly.

Ready once again, the flash goes out. Perhaps two smiling faces were finally captured.

Trying to make sure he's happy, nudging Kouko a little behind, Banri,

"Hey, Kouko, why don't we take him out? It looks hot, but the weather's good."

He pointed out the window.

The summer afternoon.

Under the white sunlight there were tree leaf lines, sparkling clearly. They brightened up this moment, this right now, with all their might.

I wanted to be in that scene, laughing with Kouko, Banri thought.

"Yes!"

Laughing, nodding like a child, Kouko headed for the door without carrying her bag. At the entrance, their shoes had been carelessly abandoned, unkempt.

Among the scattered shoes, there was even a pair of deep yellow Nike.

Scattered on the left and right facing the entrance, even now looking ready to fly out of the door, they seemed to want to run.

Stepping carefully over all of that, he stuffed his foot into his sandal.

"Banriy! Hurry along!" He could hear a voice calling him by name.