Love Story in College

Chapter 10

Tada Banri looked out the window.

It was eight in the morning.

Stopping the alarm of his phone, which had just started to sound, he slowly lifted his body from the bed.

One mattress was placed on the floor, with Mitsuo and the Two Dimensions located quietly there, their heads going in opposite directions. Although their legs smelled each other and sometimes groaned as if suffocated in a nightmare, the two of them were still sleeping.

Banri reached out his hand from the bed and patted Mitsuo on the shoulder. "Yana-ssan, shouldn't you be going home for too long?", he said, his voice very hoarse, sounding dry.

Mitsuo blinked, opened his watery eyes, and confirmed the timing against his own phone. And then he closed it. He turned his face away from the legs of the Two Dimension, and as if he managed to escape once again, he immersed himself deeply with the blanket. Is it worth it? Maybe not. That doesn't matter. Use yourtime.

On the north side of the room was a veranda, to the west was a waist-high window. The sunlight that shone on the other side of the curtain was weak even when the weather was nice, and did not reach my feet when I sat on the bench, no matter what.

From within the cool dark shadows again this morning, I watched the only person with open eyes, Banri, give up on waking Mitsuo.

Banri didn't sleep at all, just about. Even after her exhausted friends stayed over and fell asleep, she stayed awake, alone, thinking about Kaga Kouko's problem, her eyes open.

I'm not waiting for anyone anymore. Facing him, Banri said that.

To me, this is a bit admiring. Could it be that the remnants of my memory are stuck inside Banri's body? Once upon a time, I have decided not to wait for anyone, again, I have. By the time I made that decision, it was my characteristic.

So that's. I — Tada Banri, for the second time decided not to wait for anyone.

It was decided, that day. I was there that day, that day. The current Banri should not have known about that morning.

Getting off the bench, I stepped slowly into Mitsuo and Two Dimension's body and sat in the corner of Banri's bed that had risen. What I had originally leaned close to Banri's body, and in the warmth of the dead I began to helplessly review the memories.

He was waiting, but because he felt like escaping, he raised the volume. Any song, any singer would do it.

From the bridge he gazed down, faintly, at the vast riverside scenery he had known since childhood.

Looking towards the opposite shore reached by the bridge, he was terrified. She was scared.

He waited and waited, but no one came. He didn't come, so he decided not to wait anymore.

And then, turning my back on the riverbank, I set out on a long walk over the bridge and towards the mountains where my own home, out to meet with a moment of white.

— No sleep, Banri eyes red and dry.

Slowly, he laid his body on the blanket again. In doing so, the pale morning sun dyed everything yellow, he silently stared at the ceiling.

The room smells of sake.

On the table, there was a plastic drink bottle on top of a plastic drink bottle. A canned tower of Chuuhai, stacked for fun. Plastic bags from convenience stores, full of garbage. Baled-up networks. Mobile phone charger. Fall to the floor, television remote. Remnants of bags full of candy. PET bottle cap. Additional rope. Mitsuo socks. Tear up the two-page page. Two-dimensional Glasses. Fabric for cleaning glass. Glasses box.

No one is talking.

On such a morning, Banri was only there.

* * *

After the fourth period, Banri is a complete zombie.

He was in a terrible mood, unbearable.

With a slight movement, his head rang like a bell, his head, stomach, throat, back, and hips ached. Everything was slow, his legs were heavy. Far from concentrating on the lecture, he could not help but fall asleep.

The lecture was over, somewhat delayed by the other students pouring out into the noisy hallway, he finally stood up, dragging his bag with him. Feeling extremely heavy, pushing open the door with both hands, he dragged himself out into the dark corridor, with his students coming and going. An ominous burp came out from him, and he endured the hot sensation from his stomach area.

Incidentally, is this the country that the world calls 'hung'?

In this condition since morning, for now he was wondering if it would help if he ate something, even though he suspected wolf lunch was not a good idea. But even more than usual, the daily special school cafeteria was a mix of fried things, and having lunch with no one to talk to, she cleaned her dishes completely, as quickly as possible.

Yesterday, he saw some friends heading afterparty. From what he saw and heard, they seemed excited about the cheap karaoke place. In the end, five places .. until seven in the morning, they said they were drinking. "What do you expect, even though we left the fifth party", they laughed, their faces deathly pale.

In the second period, she found Chinami who looked energetic, but then she said, with a cute, but dry and hoarse anime voice, "Too much talk, too much singing." Mitsuo said, "Meet me in the afternoon after I come home and take a bath", cut it off and take the train in the opposite direction, and the Two Dimensions stated, "I missed this day", and make good his words, do not appear.

Banri, while rubbing his chin, which was a strange tingling, slightly evaporated, came out into the hall and headed towards the stairs. Today, like everything, even if he had to shop or wherever he went, he came right back. Upon arrival at home he will cook himself okayu or something. He was lost in thought, when from behind him,

"Ta-da, Ba-n-ri"

He calls his name in musical notes, as if singing, though to a woman his voice is rather low and cool.

He knew whose voice it was, without looking.

"What's wrong with his face?"

"Morning .. well .. this is drunk."

His hand was still deep in his hoodie pocket, he walked forward. Peering at Banri's face, it was just like he thought: Linda. His shiny, black, flat-cut hair swayed around his chin, he frowned as if worried. Khaki cargo pants, with Nike deep yellow. White, slender ankles. A friendly expression on his face. Seemingly worried, his pale lips pursed.

For some reason, Banri slowly pulled back.

"What, do you feel bad? Should I go to the hospital? I can bring you something for you."

Shaking her head from side to side, she tried to avoid Linda.

"… No, it's okay. I'm fine, it's no big deal. I've been thinking of going home."

In other words, she was trying to avoid staring at Linda. She's tired. Even talking is painful.

"I understand. If so, then since you left, can you come with me for a moment? There's something I need to post in the lobby. Since it looks like we've set up a practice schedule next month, I'd like to post my t."

"Ac ..err …"

The energy needed to shrink him after leaving him, Banri looked down ambiguously, not knowing what else to do. Linda acted as if she had decided "yes".

"Then let's go. Come on."

As if to urge him, he walked in front of him. As there was no other alternative, Banri immediately followed, dragging his heavy legs.

Turning lightly, Linda pointed a slender finger at Banri's feet.

"That reminds me: you're wearing the shoes I gave you. How's things going?"

Yesterday, he had washed the usual Jack Purcells (seasoned well by his own vomit) in the bathroom and dried them in the middle of the veranda. Today is the first day she wears the New Balance shoes Linda gave her.

"They're great!", replied Banri, somehow smiling like a junior.

Their small college department, located right in the middle of the downtown office block, has guaranteed ease of access from entry to graduation, but instead, it, they don't build things like cool club buildings. They don't waste money in club rooms.

Therefore, the people from such a campus who wanted to gather and chat, had no choice but to line up at the table in the lobby, in the corner of the cafeteria, or take positions in various gathering places or smoking sections .

In the case of Omaken, it's the end of the lobby. With bulletin boards to post news about college cancellations and to post personal notes, and with traffic running constantly, you can't call it a bad place. Not for a small, unknown club.

When that happened, the most comfortable place was behind the cafeteria, hidden from view by the largest pillar. The people who used the place the most came from the Law School Tennis Club. Leaving large bags there, opening meetings, and doing whatever they liked, they created an atmosphere so that the group of Banri (or other students) could not even set foot there.

Banri follows behind Linda, until they arrive at the table in front of the notice board.

A group of seniors, all sitting leisurely on a bench, waved at him.

"Aren't you Tada Banri? You sit there!"

"Morning, I'm sorry .. I heard there was something on the schedule …"

On a nearby bench, Kouko was sitting, shrinking.

He must have noticed Banri's voice, as his white face turned towards here.

Their eyes meet.

Wearing a chiffon top with small flowers on it, a black mini skirt on top of black tights. Some things he had seen, such as black boots. He also did not wear a hair tie, his long, uncluttered hair spilled on his back for the time being. She seemed to have almost no makeup, and where she used to take pains to groom herself, she now looked extremely hideous. His swollen eyes were more terrifying than those of a bear. He drank no less than Banri last night. It seems that he suffered from a hangover worse than his drunkenness.

Not even knowing what kind of expression he was showing, their eyes still touching, Banri had stopped moving, like a broken robot.

Kouko, like that, gave Banri a small and weak smile with dry lips, and raised one hand only as high as her chest.

For the time being, he acknowledged that with an ambiguous nod, but, more than that, of course, he could do nothing more.

Only able to calmly take his eyes off Kouko, he sat at the end of the bench, with a table between them.

What should he do, he doesn't know. Banri lowered his head and lowered his head.

With what kind of face does he look at her, if there is no love, or friendship, and he personally wants the relationship to go away?

He wondered if he should behave as if he had forgotten everything, and showed a face "I don't know you at all." It was as if everything up until now was made zero, so, for example,

"Hey, hey, where did they put the schedule? Someone took it?"

— She wonders if Linda is manipulating herself.

Exactly, as he probably did in the past. Always with 'nothing'. Hello how are you? You who? Like those.

Linda: next to Banri, secretly seeing how she did it. Kneeling roughly on the bench, tossing the snack candy that someone had spread on the table into his mouth with one hand.

Again, he thought Linda was firm, very silly. It won't work for him, of course. For the same reason, it won't work either. That's his mind.

As for herself, she did not understand at all how it would be better to continue seeing Kouko. Still confused, his body stiffened. No matter what, for the two of them to arrive at the same time it was impossible 'nothing'. Therefore, the two of them must have arranged a mess like this. And it was a bloody mess: their heads were thrown down, their eyes wide open, sitting awkwardly apart, and above all, with unsightly, terrible, new wounds, and they just showed. Banri can't do anything but that.

But Linda was wrong about Banri. Pretending not to know him, making it very clear where he heard his name. Invite him to the club. Treat it as a junior, not revealing your original color. Linda-senpai beside him, ate a snack, laughed lightly.

Good. I can do things like that.

Slightly surprised, Banri looked at Linda once more.

Just because he lost his memory, it didn't mean he didn't know anything about anyone or where they had come from. His identity was always determined by his memory loss, nothing more. If, for example, he finds himself in conversations like "Where is your High School?", It will show up as often as possible. That they were classmates was obvious, but to remain like this forever, never revealing the full truth, was impossible. As long as she didn't lie or misrepresent herself, Linda's actions must have failed before too long. Even so, he did. Now, even. This instant, even. Calm and calm, he kept doing it.

If he did it to Kouko, the same thing Linda did to him— "How are you, who are you? What's yourname?" if Kouko has heard of it, if it will start a relationship from a new meeting. Can she be smart, like Linda?

Trying to think, Banri immediately thought: There is no way he can. Time, so short yet so full of strange, that he spent with Kouko, the past he had with him, everything they built, he could not deny easily. He couldn't make it look like it didn't happen.

Or rather: he didn't want to.

Since he was like that, wasn't he too pitiful?

Kouko's past, her own past, is a fact. In this case, it's more unfortunate.

Although that time is definitely happening, even though it is already there, to remove it completely for the convenience of the current Banri is something he absolutely does not want to do. Joy at the moment of understanding, surprise recognizing love, unforgivable impatience, ulterior motives, misery, sadness, smile, tears, ignorance too, hurt feelings also — all of it is , obviously, sad, the irreplaceable moment. Whether they are good or bad, as far as he is concerned, they are all important. They deserve to be treated. Banri felt that he should not lose them. He can't part with things like that.

But how, this guy …

"Want some?"

Suddenly picking up a snack with her fingertips, Linda waved it in front of Banri's nose. Banri shook his head to the side. A throbbing pain hit his head.

"…I'm not feeling well."

"Oh, forget it."

Sorry sorry, threw it in her own mouth, and wiped her finger with a tissue, Linda took out three timetable sheets from a clear vinyl folder. Keeping one page to himself, he gave one to Banri and one to Kouko.

"Kouko-chan, perhaps, is also drunk? Even though you two smell a little sake."

"Eh, really? … We shouldn't, not anymore."

Kouko, frowning slightly, covered her own mouth with a handkerchief. Like that, he muttered in a weak voice. Probably the same as Banri, he must have a headache just from talking.

"Yesterday was a freshman drinking party. Together with Tada-kun, I drank too much …"

"Eh what what !? What's going on !? Now they're flirting you into a drinking party !?

Hearing the clear voice that suddenly resounded above his head, Kouko groaned, her face grimacing. Banri put his hand to his temple as well.

The former president, who came in a suit the other day, appeared today wearing a normal polo-shirt and a cotton pant style. With a friendly smile, in excellent humor, with what everyone automatically perceives as a cheerful face,

"Have you, perhaps, gotten a job offer !?"

But, uh,

"Eh, how? No one has appeared yet, none at all, or rather, no one has appeared on my odyssey!"

Al — ways, like want to be a fool should cheer death. In fact,

"To this day, I only have English. Haha, the third time I repeated it!"

… Even though he has now reached his fourth year, it seems that he has not yet earned his language praise.

"Because the road ahead is still dark, I comfort myself! Is that a problem !? Instead, does anyone say when the next drinking party is? What, what, I want to go, I want a drink, for the sake of! Let's have a party! Today, let's all get out of here! Hey, for sake! It will be fun ~! "

Linda, her palm raised towards him, lay down to explain to the excited former president in a simple way.

"Yoshi-senpai. Relax, that's not what you think."

Hosshii .. that's it: someone, Hoshino-senpai .. is it like that?

Banri tries to arrange in his head the names and faces of various upperclassmen who have not been completely memorized. Former president Hoshino-senpai. A rather monkey-like, muscular body, the first person to have a good chat with Banri, the good person Yoshino-senpai. In addition, the current third-year president, who plays music, Kago-senpai .. another man named Kosshii. Memorization is painful. How could he be an Omah man !?

"Tada Banri and Kouko-chan are drunk. Is it okay with you? We're just talking about that kind of stuff. So, like to schedule a special party now,"

"Drunk !? If only that, wouldn't you have to drink again !? New students, you know? The cure for a hangover is to drink in the morning! That's all! To get to where you can forget how bad you feel, drink, drink until you get drunk, then soon have another together! Right !? So let's have a drink, okay !? I wanted to, I, I wanted to go drink, have fun drinking with all the underclassmen, but I wanted to escape reality for a bit, even talking to my fellow job hunters, sake was horrible. I still go alone, but it looks like I'm going to go home and win 'I can't go back, so, how about that !? So please let's have a drink !? How about we !? It's okay !? Is that bad !? Is that bad !? Can't an unqualified human like me go drinking unconditionally? As president of the club I tried hard to manage the club, but since it was such a small selling point, wouldn't it be better not to say anything? Hey, isn't it !? what should I do !? What would I do if I couldn't find a job? If it was a real estate agent, I would have accepted it. If it's a notary, I'll take it too. I'll take the English and Legal tests, because I have to! I mean, even my senpai job hunt is not over yet! What are you doing senpai !? What am I doing!? Even with that, before long they had come, they had come, the third year had come to the seminar! No way, don't come! I mean, from now on what do I have to do to live, I want to live a normal life, that's all, but in luxury !? Is this living in luxury !? Ah ~~ but I want to live ~~~ sorr ~ y! Apart from that, I don't expect anything else anymore, the gods help me, I'm afraid ~ d! I'm afraid I'll be ruined by this record-breaking ice age! Aahhh ~~ let us go fes-ti-vallll ~~ !! "

Everyone in the place exchanged silent looks. Banri. Kouko too.

… Unable to help him find a job, or even a festival, for now, taking that miserable fourth year to drink is all they can do.

The two new students offered their hearts as sacrifices.

* * *

As if they were completely rewinding time, Banri went to the same place as yesterday.

The same shop, the same drink, even in the same room as yesterday, sat with its back facing the partition, even in the same place. Kouko next to him — turns out like it's naturally — all the same.

When he heard the talk of other groups of members and fourth-year students gathering together, he realized that the Omaken had become a rather large family. The drinking party begins.

At the voice of the "Ceria" of the president, the beer mug approached the mouth,

"… Ugh …"

Banri groaning.

It just stinks, but from now on it will feel like vomiting. But even though she hesitated, and she felt bad, she muttered to herself "Anything ..", and tasted it. Feeling ready to vomit, he thought he had to swallow it all at once.

Drowning him, the cold beer running down his throat remained pleasant for the moment, he drank it all in one gulp, even a foam head. He peered silently, on the sidelines, at Kouko, who for a while barely touched his oolong tea, now, as if deciding to do so, took his beer mug. He tasted it, threw his head back, and emptied his cup with no less vigor than Banri's.

"Is he okay !? Since I have not seen any problems at all so far .", Banri muttered to himself, but,

"Oh! There is a new girl whose drinking style is not bad! He looks more promising than we saw in a long time ~ Come here so we can talk a little!"

A mixed group of upperclassmen beckoned to Kouko. "The com-ing! … urp ..", he covered his mouth with a handkerchief even as he obediently got up and walked over to them.

And then onto the open pillow,

"wait. You don't have to overdo it with sake, you know? That oolong pot, it's for the two of you to guard. If the seniors say something, you have to say it's oolong basketball. Those guys are gonna go drink before you know it. Then you can go quietly without being noticed. "

Linda came, her expression a little worried. Speaking in his low voice, he sat on a pillow.

He peeked at Banri's face, checking if his cheeks were red. When Banri doesn't say anything else, he,

"Oh, okay. That's how it is."

His style was a bit strange, he continued to talk. Wetting his lips from the beer cup, he laughed.

"Look, new member. You haven't done anything, have you? What with one thing after another happening so quickly, for now, maybe it's good you have this kind of opportunity. Although for you guys it is uncomfortable, I think that for the elderly, even getting together will become more difficult from now on. "

"… Haa …"

"What do you mean by 'Haa' .. What is it? Have you reached the limit of your abilities? Do you need to lie down?"

Linda secretly gave him space, giving Banri space so he could sleep, but Banri, who was still sitting, did not move at all.

Even with regards to Linda, she doesn't know at all.

Right now, she looked a truly healthy, even caring woman; a gentle senpai who actually cared for people.

But in reality, this unfamiliar face was so clever, cruel that he had a hard time believing.

Unaware that it was Banri's mind, Linda tilted her head slightly and touched her chin, as if she was busy thinking. Swinging her hair and raising her eyebrows, she brought her face closer to Banri's eyes, as if wanting to see him. Later,

"And on top of all that, the tension, was it just drunk? Wah ... I mean, what I just saw, why all the gloom .. hmm hmm hmm hmm …?"

He pointed towards Kouko with both fingertips and with his gaze.

Kouko sits like a doll on a pillow, surrounded by older students. Although she was a little pale (maybe due to the beer), she was slightly flushed, for now with a smile on her face.

"… It seems I was right. You had a fight with him, right?"

The way Linda says "she" is not a simple third-person feminine way, but rather a way of speaking "my girl".

Banri said nothing more, so Linda, her lips pouting, said in her ear, "Whatever you say, you can count on senpai", lowered her voice to ******* whisper. It was as if he wanted to talk about their secret together.

Banri, putting his beer mug on the table, acted as much as he could as if he heard a joke,

"… Linda-senpai, do you think Kaga-san and I are going out?"

He's trying to say it. He intended.

Putting this and that aside, for now, he did not want to deal with the huge misunderstanding looming before him just now. That's how he feels.

"Am I thinking that !? Uh, don't you think so? But don't you guys have a very good relationship? Although I was thinking, from the very beginning you came as a couple to the club?"

He forced a smile. Shake his head firmly from side to side,

"You're wrong."

He said it clearly. In order not to be misunderstood, simple, clear. "You're kidding me!?" said Linda, her eyes getting wider. He looked at Kouko from a small distance, and once again returned his gaze to Banri.

"Is that so !? Uh, then ... what is it? Simply put, are you 'more than friends, less than lovers'? Huh. Now I understand ... well, do you? Is that still getting to know each other, month after month .. Ah ah ah, from now on, after this .. ou ou ou, that's how it is. Sorry, I've advanced on my own. "

And then, both hands covered her mouth, her shoulders trembled, she laughed cheerfully from the bottom of her heart.

"What's wrong with you?", he said, "'Good, good from now on !?' What's that about? You seem to be really having fun here, don't you? "

Realizing that he could not simply look at the carefree face calmly, and wondering why, Banri knocked down all the remaining beers in his cup. Lining with her, shoulder to shoulder, Linda also threw her head back, raising the cup she had in her hand. Like the old man, they let out a long sigh. Then,

"It's really hot! In that case, as your senpai, I will secretly watch over your promising future! Well, that love story is fu-n. Tell me, tell me more!"

"Say .. What do you mean?"

"Lo-ve-o-ri-es! All the girls are crazy about love stories, and I am, for one, a girl! Lo-ok, look, Tada Banri, will you tell me everything, first thing? "

To see! To see! Nah! Nah! While listening to the carefree voice with one ear, Banri poured sake with ice from the teapot into his cup. It doesn't matter if it's acid or soda, it's fine. After all, he wanted to put anything into his body except Linda's voice. And crammed it into his brain as well. Almost against his will, he forced her down his throat.

"… Special for senpai, please let me know. Whaddya think?

Because he thought Linda might be quiet, trying to bring up such a topic. But Linda, as if she was going to hit Banri's shoulder gently, was,

"Anything, it doesn't matter! I just think it's been something very lately!"

His expression was still playful on the edge.

His expression was still playful on the edge.

"You don't have a boyfriend?"

"No, I hope…"

"That reminds me: earlier, Kaga-san said it seemed like there was something between Linda-senpai and Hosshii-senpai."

"Whoa! … I mean, wow, he said something like that .. no, in fact it's excusable ... no, it's impossible."

"I mean, you really understand, she said."

"Huh !? Me !? Understand !? He said that !? … Seriously, I'll give the girl some pocket money later. And a big kiss, too."

Linda laughed, or in other words, she succeeded. Drinking sake, he looked at Banri. His curiosity was shaken, and he wanted to hear what they were saying.

Instead of answering, "Are you not too curious?", Banri said:

"Didn't you have a boyfriend in high school?"

Having no answer, he emptied the next cup in one gulp. While he filled it out of the jug,

"— Even heard that, you answered 'nothing' anyway? There's no one, right? Yes yes, I understand, senpai. There's no one. Sure do. Nothing, nothing. There's nothing at all. It was something that never happened. Like those. He never existed. "

He didn't see Linda's face as she argued. There's no Answer.

At that moment, his field of vision trembled strongly, what was close became dangerous. Sake overflowed very much from the top of his cup, he returned some to the jug and laughed. I am useless. Totally drunk. Laughing, he drank again.

"… Hey, wait a minute. You're too fast with the jug, stop it."

Linda grabbed and stopped his hand.

Banri's face paled.

Where he found the strength to let go, he didn't even know. From then on, whether she tried to say something to Linda or not, she had no idea. Really, he doesn't know.

"Hey, can't you stop?"

Enchanted, he could see nothing at all.

"Hey, how? How could you do something like that?"

He couldn't even see Linda's face.

"Isn't such a thing .. horrible? Didn't you think of me — about 'Tada Banri that time' as pathetic? Don't you think it's important?"

Next to him, the sound he was breathing in was all that could be heard.

All that came to his mind was his own face. Tada Banri was captured in the picture, with a thoughtless smile.

The happy-looking man kissing Linda had no idea what the future would hold for her. If he stays with Linda, it'll all be fun. He laughed making such a face.

Even though he would tell her if he could. From his heart he felt so. He doesn't trust the person next to him. He had an accident, and was seriously injured, and as soon as he woke up the guy gave him a face like, "I've never known you!" In addition, say 'Tell a love story about you and the other girls!' and that's it, he's that kind of person. He wanted to tell her that.

But, what he noticed at the same time, what he did to Linda was exactly that, in a way of speaking.

"…Well.Ah…"

It was just the difference between an accident and intention. The end result is the same.

She just told Linda that she doesn't know anything about her.

And not just for Linda. He had done it for everyone he had met up to that point, for his parents, for everyone. Giving a face 'I don't know anything about you!' He does it even now.

"… Aah …"

His face was cold.

He was drenched in terrible sweat. On his wet back, his sweat was running unpleasant. Her breath hurts. He's feeling dizzy.

"… We may be just like that …"

Groaning, he placed his head on the table.

It hard. That's hurtful. I can't breathe. It was hard and painful, and he could do nothing.

Forgive me for saying things selfishly.

I am the lowest of the low.

Linda.

Everybody is.

I'm sorry for being like this.

I'm really sorry …

"Ba,"

"… Banri …!"

Slowly, gradually, Banri raised his face; lifting him up like a puppet. Unwittingly by the people around, Banri and Linda's exchange is heard by anyone, everyone continues to talk cheerfully as they were not too long ago. His face flushed red, he laughed like an idiot.

Linda looked at Banri.

Red reddened all the way to the temple, as if she was angry, as if she was surprised, as if she was crying, as if she was glaring at him, as if depending on him, she said, he looked straight at Banri with an incredible expression .

Her face swayed, her beautiful shadow trembling.

But not as much as you would expect. He has been destroyed. He was destroyed with one blow. Practically out of spite, she casually destroys the entire fragile world that Linda, for some reason, is trying to create.

Apart from this, he wondered if there was any meaning here. Nothing he realized. He wants to go somewhere. Somewhere else. But, that place, where is it?

Suddenly Banri stood up and stepped over the pillow. "Where are you going? Are you going to be fine by yourself; you waver", the voice of some senpai asked him. She answered automatically that she went to the bathroom, not feeling well.

Adjusting the words to the action, he walked from the wooden-floored room and headed to the men's bathroom. Sitting on the toilet seat, he locked the door.

His face, covered by both hands, was much colder than before.

It was as if he had died.

He can't think about life. Feeling damp and uncomfortable due to the sweat stains, he became like a melting ice sculpture.

The bathroom ceramic floor is doing a giant slalom. Design on the rotating partition wall. Brushing her sticky hair, Banri just opened her eyes wide.

He wondered what would happen to him now. He wondered what he should do. He wondered what he wanted to do. Still not understanding anything, as if, he felt he was quite a mess.

Bam! Just then, from the other side of the door, a loud voice rang out, making him flinch. Someone banged on the door. With all his might, he clasped his hand.

He heard a voice on the verge of crying asking for his forgiveness.

"…Who is this…?"

I'm afraid! Screaming like that, his voice broke, stopping.

"… I do not understand ... Who is it …?"

You're like a bomb, completely. If I touch you the wrong way, then I might lose you again. And maybe you'll disappear again. Thinking like that, I don't know what to do. I still don't know. I'm still scared, scared, I can't help but be afraid. Maybe it's my fault, and if it's my fault, what should I do, if again .. think like that, I'm scared, and helpless.

"… I, forgot ... at all …"

That day, I gave you an answer.

"… Everything becomes non-existent …"

Although I'm delayed, I want to answer you. I'd like you to hear my answer. Banris. But I didn't get there in time.

Hey, am I to blame?

Is this my fault?

Since I didn't get there in time, then how? Am I like that ... for you? Show me Banri, answer me. Is this my fault?

But you didn't tell me that if I came late, I'd lose you and you'd be completely lost!

"If it ends there, like that, isn't that nothing !?"

* * *

The wind blew through him, Banri was confused.

He promised to wait right in the middle of a long wooden bridge. But, this early in the morning, another place must be better. Although it was a bit too late to think about it now.

His two hands crammed into his pocket, at first he watched steadily in the direction that was supposed to come from Linda. But even though he waited and waited, his form did not appear, the void in his chest gradually became worse, Banri turned his gaze to the surface of the water.

Even though he was staring deep into the end of the bridge, it was a completely empty time, waiting for him to appear.

Long past the promised time.

He wondered if he didn't come was the answer.

Hearing the music he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it once more to see if there was no text or other confirmation. By the way, since there was no one else around, he realized that the sound coming out of the headphones was not a problem. Increasing the volume, he looked at the familiar scene.

Great mountain, even wild. Fuji.

In the distance, snow remained on many, fuzzy mountain peaks. After that, city. Misty with cherry blossoming trees, vast floodplains. Thread after thread flowed in parallel, the river under his eyes was a little murky, blue dyed grey. The old concrete bridge. Paper factory. Thick smoke pile. The more like that on the other hand, the river current kept flowing.

He was cold to the soles of his feet, but for a while he could not leave.

He was cold to the soles of his feet, but for a while he could not leave.

Like that, wouldn't it be awkward, waiting here for good? It was futile to wait for the figure of the one who did not come, standing like a fool, who despite having obtained the position of a cheerful rounin student without studying. He wondered if he would suddenly turn into an idiot.

"… Waiting like this, I can't say it's good …"

"Gosh, idiot," he muttered to himself.

His hope might have materialized, in the end, if he continued to wait, but his heart had given such an extension would have been a mistake. 'No' in this way is definitely a slap, it would be better to take a clean break. At the very least, he did not have to continue standing right in the middle of the bridge, alone, alone.

Like that, he became like a bronze statue on a promontory overlooking the tea plantation that covered the slope. It was right there. A very nice bronze statue of one of the great local men. Staring at the river from a cheerful place, the good people looked at him kindly, quietly standing there. Pretty much like me now.

Placing his eyes down, he took a breath, and started walking.

That was at the time.

"…?"

It was probably from the earphones blocking his hearing, but it was one strange echo he heard.

The cable is pulled back, its eyes to the bridge, it comes towards it: white light …

* * *

The sound stopped.

Still barricaded in the bathroom, Banri raised his head.

The person outside the door was no more. Impatient with Banri who did not want to get up, he left.

Banri took a hard handle and opened the door. There were no more people there, in the narrow space he saw. Already late. The one who tried to open his heart to her wasn't there.

Carefully stepping on his shaky foot, he walked out. As if holding a pillar, he peered into the party room. The scene there had not changed from before, there was nothing different.

Drunk students, old jokes of uncertain meaning, laughter loud enough to make you deaf. Someone applauded, his voice echoing loudly.

And then, Linda was among the people. Looking a little tired, he leaned against the screen, mug in one hand, joined in the conversation. Laughing, she brushed her hair, sitting comfortably.

That he would not return to her at all, he knew from the very beginning. Now he knows. Completely, now.

Banri staggered onto the shoe rack. A voice called out, "Tada-kun?", But he pretended not to hear when he pulled his shoes. New Balance shoes grey. Sticking it at his feet, he left the place as if no one could prevent it.

He was bitter, in pain, unable to breathe, and on top of that his head and stomach ached. He might even vomit right away.

However, as he walked, the cool night breeze on his face felt comfortable. He did not want to think of difficult things, and walked straight onto the main road. Like a machine, his legs continued to move, without feeling.

She's very sad.

If he were asked why, in particular, he would not be able to answer fully.

He is sad because he has been cut off from his past.

He had tried carefully not to look this far, but was made to face "what's missing" as if he didn't see it sadly.

Banri's past must have been sad.

Suddenly he loses his life, his family, his friends, the girl he likes, everything; his existence is erased. He is currently rewriting the life that exists under the name Tada Banri, making it seem as if it never existed.

I-i'm sorry! I-i'm sorry! Tada Banri's. He had a feeling it didn't matter how many times he repeated it. I-i'm sorry! Moreover, the new world that had been prepared, which Linda had somehow tried to maintain, maintain appearance, hide her tears and protect her for him, I, with this hand, had destroyed her. I'm really sorry.

Excuse me.

Already, maybe there's nothing he can do.

There is no technique to live without sadness. It'll last forever. As long as he lives.

"…"

He suddenly wiped away the tears with the back of his hand, dripping from his nose.

This sadness is always here. He already knows that. However, he did not want to stare straight at it, only avoiding it. Just live and pretend to forget.

Even in the past, it had been there following him. And then "what's missing" — the man, always with the right time, will knock his shoulder from behind. Tap. Hey, Tada Banri.

"Have you forgotten I wasn't there?"

So he'll say.

Turn around, Banri will see.

To anyone there.

There's nothing there.

In just "what's missing".

The man has no body. Actually, he also had no words. Still, he was there, a threat to his current existence. He wondered what would satisfy him, as he was pushed to the edge of the cliff. He wondered if he would forgive her for not falling head over heels.

Sticking behind him as much as possible, without leaving him, the man's other name could be said to be his 'past'. With all due respect.

Right, left, right, left. After all, Banri continued to move his legs, not resting. Looking back at the void behind him that was terrifying, he could not stop.

Please, just leave me alone this once. Banri pleaded as he walked. I know you're right behind me. I haven't forgotten. But, for now, he wanted to keep going. If he could, he wanted to put aside his grief.

Since I completely understand, why don't you leave me alone – \=

"… Whoa !?"

Poof!

In reality grabbing the shoulders from behind, Banri's entire body trembled as if he was jumping into the air. She was scared. She's surprised. Really, really, really,

"So, sorry! You surprise me, and I don't think …"

He was really surprised. He thinks he's dead.

"Hey what's wrong?"

Standing behind Banri is Kouko, out of breath.

Her hair was down, as if she was having a hard time, and in her hands were hers and Banri's bag. When he handed Banri to her, she spoke.

"Suddenly, your bag, you've gone and left it. I'm surprised, 'eh, uh' .. Anyway I've got it, I brought it for you .. haa, that's enough .. oh that hurts! "

Combing the bangs on his face as if they were bothering him, Kouko continued. Taking another breath, his eyes twinkled, perhaps from the headlights of some cars that ran down the main road.

"Hey, really ... what the fuck, what have you done? Did something happen between you and Linda-senpai?"

He took out his strange heart and leaped firmly from the top of his clothes.

"The answer …"

Suddenly, he took a breath, filling his body.

From his left heel, to his right toe, oxygen was squeezed by the pressure on his abdomen.

"… The answer is yeeeeeeeeess!"

Suddenly he exploded. Shouting, he ran with all his might.

"Eh !? Uh, uh uh !? Tada-kun !?"

Answer's 'yes'. It's from his past with Linda.

"What !? Your bag !? Wait!"

"Yetoooooooooooooo!"

Answer's 'no'. I'm not gonna wait I wanna get out of here. I went somewhere else. And now, I want to get rid of the person that is stuck behind me, I want to leave him and I want to leave others following behind, running away at high speed.

Swinging both hands to the shoulders, both feet carelessly rejected the ground.

Taking a firm grip on the asphalt, each of his legs in turn sent his weight flying forward excitedly.

He felt that the speed he had gained from the next kick was like an explosion.

"Tada-kun! Wait!"

They're light. Her legs are — no, her shoes are light.

Was this speed given to her by Linda?

Could this body move like this? This was his first time so fast. On the shoulders, arms, back, chest, hips, thighs, knees, ankles, and legs. Where was such flexibility, such strength hidden? Banri ran through the streets of the night like a wild beast. Wanting to leave everything behind, he ran, his entire body in despair.

From the back, this instant frame, one frame, all the current Banri stretched. He wants to destroy all competition. With all his speed, he wants to win races by a wide margin.

"Why did you run away !? Is this what I did !? Am I that bad !?"

Very quickly, from behind, Kouko's voice like a shout reached him.

"Yetoooooooooooooo!"

"Wait a minute!"

No, no, no! The answer is 'no', this leg won't stop. They don't want to stop until he's gone. Banri wants to leave this instant, this is very 'now', behind. For that reason, he ran all night.

At a crossroads, choosing a premonition, he went to the left. Another fork. This time to the right. Next, right again. Next, at the three-way intersection, he headed for the familiar route. He had no idea where this path he had just chosen was going, and it seemed like he already had no idea which path he had chosen to get to this point.

It was as if since he had clearly been given life until now, his days would continue to come.

Overall, 'yes' and 'no' are sequential decisions. As if 'yes' and 'no' were nets from the boundless net he entered, he did not know the right path. He did not know the path he had gone through in his past. But if he can get to know them, then if he can undo all his mistakes until now …

Thinking about it, he surprised himself.

Overall, 'yes' and 'no' are sequential decisions. As if 'yes' and 'no' were nets from the boundless net he entered, he did not know the right path. He did not know the path he had gone through in his past. But if he can get to know them, then if he can undo all his mistakes until now …

Thinking about it, he surprised himself.

"Maybe I can come back" he thought.

If he could return once more on the same road, if the way home was right, the only route to be found, then surely. Linda was always there, waiting for Banri's return.

"… But! Noo! What …!"

He can't. Because Banri's memory is gone. Already, he could not follow the way back. He doesn't know the right way home. No matter how many times he looked back, he was unable to find his past figure there.

Therefore, all he could do was move forward. It was a much better option than standing there, frozen in place, stuck in grief for what was lost, still not knowing the way back and crying about it.

Run, run, run like crazy.

Shaking with defeat, he ran so fast that no one could catch him. Banri, now, chose his path and flew down. And again, he made the next choice. Life, to the end, is the order of choice.

Huh huh? No?

The path before his eyes continued into the overpass. Under the intersection, there was a huge flow of vehicles. The flocks of headlights shone like crazy. Running as it was, his sadness, even his speed was big enough to turn everything into nothing. No, never — she tried to laugh herself with her own thoughts, but her legs kept moving.

That'll be easy. Surely.

Should he take another painful, painful breath again? Should he apologize repeatedly? Is there any other way but to be sad? If he wanted it to stop, he just needed to keep running, just like him. Throwing himself into it completely. Algae.

Look, right there, in front of you.

The pure and intense white light is a gaping mouth wide to receive you at any time in the future.

Elects.

By ourselves.

"…That's"

Huh huh? No?

"… The answer …"

At that moment, he stumbled. His head jerked backwards when not following the rest of his body.

Something hit him from behind with great force, knocking him forward and side. Shouted Banri as he fell tumbling, doing a somersault.

Running his back to the bridge barrier after one turned around, he groaned and began to faint. A white hand stretched out, limp, to grasp his ankle. It was already a horror, completely so.

"I, caught, you …!"

A scream came from his throat. Push from behind — in short, hit, probably by the bike that fell it. And then, the person driving it, the,

"I mean ... I haven't dropped you …!"

Kouko Kaga.

It was just him. Only he could do silly things in this world.

Filling Banri from behind with a bicycle, he must have fallen completely. His entire body was in a terrible condition. His haughty hair extended all over his face, he even bled from his cheeks. Holding on tightly to Banri's ankle, there was even blood under his fingernails.

"Ke, why …!?"

He must have shouted that. Anyone would ask if they did something like that to them.

"Why !? Why are you chasing me so stubbornly !?"

"Because you ran away!"

Speaking sharply, as if stabbing him, Kouko, who had already grabbed Banri's ankle with one hand, now held his knee as if clawing upwards, then held his thigh, and then, later on, held his thigh, he clung to Banri's body which was still falling.

"What the fuck ... what are you trying to do !?"

Then, Banri falls to the ground, Kouko on top of him, she cries.

His shoulders trembled, with a terrifying strength he wrapped both of his arms around Banri's body.

"Where are you trying to go !? Don't do it again, don't go anywhere, don't run away! Don't go anywhere my hand, my voice can't reach! Don't go anywhere, stay here where I am all the time! I mean, prepare yourself, 'cause I'm not gonna let go! "

His mouth was still pushing against his chest, he spoke in a teary voice, as if he was shouting to himself in a hoarse voice. The warm breath burned Banri's heart.

"… That ... what? What do you mean …?"

"Aren't you chasing me !? This time I'm chasing you! … I mean, look! I caught it! Tada-kun has been caught! From now on I won't let you go!"

"But .. You don't love me …"

Being serious, Kouko raised her face and looked into Banri's eyes.

In those moist eyes, everything reflected, bright sparkling. They flickered and trembled so strongly that he thought, "Is there something in this world that is not reflected there?" Banri's eyes looked back.

Secretly, Kouko took a breath. Her lips twitched, she realized she was looking for words.

"Speaking like that, I can't just say 'yes'. Really, .. I want to answer. But at that moment .. no, a little before that. Hey, please, listen. I want to talk to Tada-kun. That Mitsuo who claimed to be supersonic did not hurt me. What hurt me, was me. "

Tears still flowed from both eyes.

"Everything comes easily into Supersonic hands. That's what it feels like to me. Pleasant life, new friends, and then Mitsuo also came easily into his hands. Even you, perhaps, will have come easily into his hands I think, I, I ... what is the difference between me and the girl? How different was I with him, who threw away a gift that would not come into my hands, but came easily into his hands "How much more like me? … If I think like that, it hurts, I will definitely be miserable."

"'I saw' ... Oka-chan? 'Come to his hand?' I'm going to Oka-chan? Uh, but, "

"If you look! I didn't see! … Visible! … You saw him, he was also seen by me.. It was terrible. Justjust wonderful. So horrible. It was scary .. It was scary. ..But I think of things like that .. is the worst. "

He rubbed his eyes once with the back of his hand, his lips quivering several times and then,

"Acknowledging to myself that I'm getting interested in you, it's been hard for me."

Kouko spoke as if she was in pain.

"I don't like a woman who can be completely fine with breaking up years of unrequited love and living with that person. I don't think that's true. It's not something I can trust. Is it really love? "Just pick someone good because I've been hurt? Am I not just hoping for a scapegoat, someone dispelling feelings that I cannot communicate? Told," .. You're wrong, completely wrong, I've said many times, "I'm not lucky. Saying, 'Really?' Even I myself do not believe. "

Constantly wiping onto Banri's shirt, Kouko's tears made it even darker.

"In my vision of the future, you know, saying 'no' is the right thing to do. You told me you liked me. My answer, no. 'We can't go together.' And then, you gave me a second chance. Even so, no. "We can't go together." That way, being a perfect self, being forced to grow, being a trustworthy person, no longer needing to doubt myself, everything from that point on. If I can do it according to my 'scenario. "

Somehow inserting force into her quivering lips, Kouko smiled.

Tears fell as he smiled, but those eyes did not lose their luster.

Despite clinging to someone like Banri, falling to the dirty ground and crying, Kouko seemed happy.

"… For that reason, I want to wait. My heart always wants to scream 'yes'. I thought if I shouted, the world would change. To the extent of forgiving myself of my own conduct, even when I came to like you, I floated, thinking it was 'bad' or 'wrong', life was not worth it but did not think about it. Until the time comes, I want to keep waiting. But ... I can't follow the 'scenario' - I. , "I won't wait." You say, "I'm not chasing you anymore." At that moment I thought, "Yes, like now, we're apart." All I'm saying is, '. Forget' the scenario '!' Whether it's bad, or whatever, even wrong it's fine! It's not true it's fine! For me, there is something I cannot lose! My heart screams that. Therefore, to me, against you, "

Moreover, Kouko's two arms stiffened.

"… As for me, I like Tada-kun."

What will happen tomorrow he does not know. There is no point in thinking about yesterday. There's only now. No need to be careful now, absolutely not. Kouko said it like that, as if she said everything, in one long breath.

"… Really .. Kaga-san …"

Ah, giving up — raised both hands in relief, Banri too, right then and there, wrapped his arms around Kouko.

After something like that, what could he say?

Being able to do so, they simply hugged each other, gave each other the warmth of their bodies, and only confirmed their feelings were the same, one to the other.

"… Would it be okay if you didn't dump me? That would be a favor!"

Saying something like that with a nasal sound, she pushed her nose firmly against Kouko's disheveled face. Lips too. Kouko is crying again. He leaned over to his forehead, and then,

"…What…?"

"… Uh …?"

Suddenly, Kouko's arm came off.

Surprisingly fast, faster than he could say, "Don't let go!" Kouko separates herself from Banri.

"Oh, oh, oh," Kouko herself looked back strangely, behind her the shadow of someone. Beyond that, a few more. He flinched, shocked. In front of his eyes, Kouko who was still sobbing was pulled back and made to stand up,

"This guy stole my bike!"

He was forced to sit in front of the boy who pointed at him.

Before he knew it, in the area the overpass patrol cars had stopped, their red lights illuminated the scene of the crime. Made to stand, uniformed police surrounded him like a wall.

"Ho, wait! What are you saying! Didn't I say I bo, borrowed it .. I just returned it …"

With a stern face, they communicated something to their fellow officers through their radio. The boy, once again pointed at Kouko with both hands,

"Of course, that's not wrong! Right after I got off my bike in front of the convenience store, it was stolen by this guy!"

Finally understanding the situation, Banri stood up as well, "No, no, no, no!" He tries to apologize for the confusing situation and to get closer to Kouko's side, but the sturdy backs of all the men in uniform stop him completely. He could only hear Kouko's desperate voice.

"Wrong, he's wrong! No matter what, there is an emergency .. wait a minute! Just wait! Please let me explain! If I explain, you will definitely understand, there is a very good reason, ah, wait a minute, kyaa! "

In front of Banri's eyes, Kouko turned around and hit him, he stayed inside the patrol car. Wow .... witnessed the arrest in person .. moreover, her newly minted boyfriend .. although she did not say such things, he said,

"Yes, Kaga-saan! Seriously, please wait, please listen to the story! Oh, kaga-saan!"

"Tada-kun! Call me at home! Call our house phone!"

"But you haven't told me your house number yet! Sorry, really, please wait a minute!"

Swinging her finger from left to right, the only police woman stood in front of Banri, blocking his path. And then one simple phrase:

"No waiting !!"