Last Port
New School
For a moment I remembered you, dozens of calls I refused to answer.
You're still the same as you used to be who always raises doubts. My doubts do not necessarily dampen disappointment, even raising the question, what is my position in the map of your life?
Like rain that never understands as sad as what an umbrella is during the dry season
You never know how I feel when you come just when you need to
Then disappear with the rest of your business
Who am I to you?
And what is my position in the map of your heart?
I know I shouldn't regret knowing you, because anyway, like when I decided to swim I had to be wet. Just like something went down between you and me, when I decided to fight for you, I had to accept if there was a failure there.
But, again, how exactly is my position on your life map?
If I can't regret what happened in the past, at least I can still change my reaction to something like you
Greetings from someone who has fought but been let down.
***
After putting things together after a bloody tragedy called heartbreak, I finally found myself here. Back with all its rutunitas.
A week off on the grounds of visiting the parents might indeed make it able to control everything.
Today he looks better. Smile and can joke, even laugh with other friends. Although I saw her several times secretly she wiped the corner of her eye whenever the conversation led to her ex-lover's engagement. Erga.
What is in your mind if a lover left when again alas? Pissed off? Blubbering? Absolutely sure!
That's how Kalila felt two weeks ago, until now. I wanted to pull her from there and hold her. Let her cry in my arms. But what is power. I can't-yet-can do it.
I took a breath that felt tight, then stepped towards the table then I sat down on the chair next to Kalila. Sipping his orange juice after greeting himself and the others.
Kalila looked shocked. He fixed his sitting position to get further away from me. I just smiled and realized that.
This love is just love in silence.
"Kie, where have you been?" ask Sesil. The cocacola-colored curly-haired girl sitting in front of me.
"Toilet," I replied. From the tail of my eyes I saw Kalila glancing at me before confirming her black headscarf.
But I can no longer afford to be in silence.
Sometimes the heart wants to say. At least being rejected is better than never saying it once. Worrying will only get me further away from her, because all considerations are uncertain. Nothing is certain except uncertainty itself.
Her name is Kalila Putri. The most beautiful girl in my opinion, with dimples on her cheeks. Her face is so charming. He was the owner of my heart and my first love.
At first I just felt like something was different every time I saw it. Saw smile. At that time, a year ago I was still a new staff in this office. I have no close friends, only a few who greet each other. But strangely every time I saw Kalila, I didn't want to take my eyes off. I just want to keep staring and looking at him.
Some times my work is problematic because I lack focus when I see Kalila laughing with other men. It was then that I knew that what I felt was love.
I'm in love.
On the pretty girl hooded with dimples on the cheeks. The girl I've only known her name for two weeks. The girl who had been with him a few times greeted each other. That girl is two years older than me. The girl he didn't realize, his smile shifted my world.
However, I realized it when Kalila was already Erga's girlfriend. My cousin's brother.
Erga.
The most stupid man who suddenly left Kalila and got engaged to another girl. I was angry and had a big desire to beat him all out when I had to see Kalila spend so many tears because of her actions and stupid engagement.
However, I think this is a chance enough to get into Kalila's life.
Aye! Isn't it time to break in there?! Into that heart. Trying doesn't hurt, does it?
If I were that straw. At least I'm Kalila's focus. I can feel his touch. If lucky to be touched by her beautiful lips.
It was late afternoon and time to go home. I saw Kalila walking into the lobby. I was in a hurry to chase after him.
"Kal," called me when I could line his steps.
The girl looked.
"When am I going?"
Kalila looked at me in wonder.
"We're going in different directions, Kie."
"It's okay. I want to do it, will you?"
"But.... "
"I'm anther, yeah." I said cut quickly. Before Kalila refused.
Kalila quiet. Maybe you are considering. I don't know what made him think for a long time, but finally nodded in agreement.
Yup!
Breaking into a broken heart is hard. Reorganizing each piece takes a struggle. That's what I'm doing right now. May I be able to repair that broken heart.
The motor is traveling at moderate speed, down the paved road. I intentionally slowed everything down. Want to linger to enjoy Kalila who was in my arms. I occasionally glanced at Kalila from the rearview mirror. Her black headscarf flying in the wind made her look very, very pretty.
No hugs on the waist. Ah, not yet.
The motor stops in front of the five-door tenement fence. Kalila came down and thanked me.
"Kal...."
"Yes" he replied as he turned around.
"Tomorrow I'll pick you up, okay?"
Kalila. Probably confused. Or shocked to be picked up by a guy as handsome as me.
"I leave tomorrow with Sesil" he said, refusing.
Suddenly something fell and broke. As hard as I can cite the scattered fragments of the heart.
"Okay, maybe next time." I smile.
It's hard trying to hide disappointment.
He smiled awkwardly and nodded.
"Kal" called me again before he turned around.
The girl waited.
"Erga's next month in mutation," I said at last. I don't know why I should say that. I don't know because I just want to see her reaction. He was right to rise from the tragedy of heartbreak after a week of restful leave.
Kalila said, "Oh." Then his gaze was blank for a moment before finally smiling.
"Are you okay?" my many.
He smiled back. "I'm fine, Kie."
He's not doing well. I know it. At last I could only leave before the desire arose to hold her tightly and whisper gently that I was here for her. Always was.
My bike was slow with a broken feeling.
