Husband is Not My Choice

Eps. 4

"So I think it would be nice if we get married soon" said Mas Baim. Five minutes ago I got a call from him.

"soon?" manya panic.

We haven't been acquainted for a week. Deciding to marry immediately surprised me.

"Yes. Marrying. Isn't it ready?" ask Mas Baim.

"Em, that's not it, Mas. I want to be invited to acquaintances as well because I'm ready for everything" I replied.

"Keep what makes you want to rethink?" ask Mas Baim.

"Anu, sorry. I asked us to introduce each other to our families. I haven't told you about us in my family yet. Permission please, Mas Baim," I said, biting my lips.

My lips feel dry. My face is flushed. Perhaps if faced head-on, Mas Baim would see how currently I was in a mixed mood. Between happy, shy, groggy, surprised.

"Well, if you want, I'll know. Answer my question first. Would you marry me? In the near future," asked Mas Baim once again.

My heart is beating fast. Until my chest trembled so fast the detachment.

"Yes, Mas. I want to," I replied.

"alright. In the coming week, I will introduce you to my parents. Prepare yourself, yes," said Mas Baim.

"Good, Mas. Then see you in the coming week" I said, ending the call.

Limping my joints made me fall down. It's an inner jolt. The news suddenly.

☆☆☆

Before I met Mas Baim, I had someone I admired for his thought. We've been in the same room for two weeks. I don't really remember her face, but I do exchange news with her a lot.

Our way of exchanging news is unique. Through a message on WhatsApp, we made fun of each other, dropping each other. But all of that makes me feel comfortable with him. Even without hesitation, I often vent my problems to him. And he always takes my curses seriously and based. All my problems that I was not able to carry by myself, he helped solve them through different thoughts and points of view. Name's Abdi. A man who is currently perched nicely in my heart.

"I want to get married when someone proposes. Em, my target is next year," I told Abdi as he asked, "When are you coming home?"

"Just a minute, yeah. Which person?" tanyanya in chat.

One word from the bottom of my heart: Disappointed. My intention is to know how Abdi feels about me. Is there any chance that Abdi loves me? Is there any chance that Abdi will come after me if I say I will marry someone else? But the answer: Abdi just thinks I'm a friend.

Apparently it was just me all along expecting a lot from him. Wishing Abdi would be my life's guide, replacing Dimas. Because I don't think Abdi is much different from Dimas.

So all this time I was just a quiet repellent drug for him. But I expect too much.

「I want to be paspampers, so if you want to ask for the president's signature, I'm the mintain.」It was just a sweet greeting. I thought that Abdi and I had a relationship, and then he put me somewhere in his heart.

"Yes, I don't know which person yet. If so and if anyone is sleeping, kok," I reply.

Abdi, when I want you to replace Dimas in my heart. I'm sure you're the one who can suppress my ego. You can neutralize my emotions. You've become a dumpster for all my wounds, disappointments, and vagueness. You can also be a stick when my fragility and anxiety hit. Why am I not in your heart? Should I accept the proposal from Mas Baim at this time? Even though my heart is expecting you.

Abdi, what should I do? I'm still the same as before. Prestigious to express my feelings. Abdi, do you read my social stories often? All the messages implied in my social media are for you.

Handmaids. Please, marry me. Whenever it is time, please clarify your feelings. Let me act. Accept Mas Baim's proposal or reject it.

☆☆☆

Dear, Mr. Dimas.

I miss you, I really miss you. You're the first man to make me give love. Maybe if with you my happiness never has a limit. You are my role model, my inspiration, and my former future candidate, not for now, and not for my past. You are the shadow that always haunts, not the soul that I can hold.

Mas, you know. Everything I go through around you are my happy days. That was. Now you're married. Seeing you happy with your new life with your wife and children is also happiness for me. May you live together forever.

Mas Dimas, I am currently confused about choosing my partner. Which one should I choose? The one I don't love but is ready to marry or the one I love but isn't ready to marry? Not really ready to marry me. I don't think she wants to marry me.

Mas Dimas, you became my benchmark in finding a husband. Could that? I want my husband to be strong like you.

Mas, I'm really confused as to how.

This is the last letter I've written to you. This letter will never reach your hands like the previous letters. Mas, help me pray.

☆☆☆

"Until what stage are you ready to get married?" ask Dian.

Today I immediately invited Dian, my best friend, to eat together at a food stall in Lippo Mall Cikarang. We chose the place closest to the window, and enjoyed the food while staring at the raindrops flashing with leaves in the courtyard of the mall. A few splashes of water form a grain attached to the glass we eat. Syahdu.

"When it's about finances, maybe I'm all set. Just about the heart, I guess I'm still worried. I haven't been able to steady myself," I asked as I sipped the freshly arrived iced tea.

"Where are you ready? Don't you think about Dimas?" tanyanya. Dian is my thickest friend. My love problem ran aground, she knew it all. Even about me being almost crazy for love, she knows. Nothing I cover up from him.

"I have no intention at all to forget Dimas" I replied.

Dian clucked in annoyance. And he said, "Tuh, right. It's hard talking to you. If your benchmark Dimas continues, you'll be damaged in the future. I will not meet your partner. Be aware, Dimas is married. Find another man who wants to be with you. There's something you want to worry about."

I let out a breath. I have often heard such advice from Dian.

"In addition to Dimas, I have someone else I wish I had. Name's Abdi. He was different from Dimas in many ways. But there are similarities in his character," I said.

"So she wants to be with you?"

"It seems like she's not ready to get married. He just thinks I'm a friend" I said.

Dian laughing. "You are that. Try to understand your feelings first. Tell him you like him, that is. Nowadays, papa girl does not reveal the feelings first in men. You're too high a prestige, anyway. Try to throw away your prestige" said Dian.

I shook my head, "Can't. I'm afraid of being rejected."

Dian sighed. Take a spoon and taste the dessert he ordered.

"If it doesn't hurt you choose someone who has clearly established himself for you. Wait what else? The problem is only in you. You open your heart or not. If you do not want to open your heart and do not want to give a chance, forever you will live like this. Likes, silence, long-liked go. Marrying someone else. Already have. Your love will probably bloom after marriage" said Dian.

I let out a breath. Turning my face away, looking at the barrage of water streaked across the window. The view outside the window started to blur. The fog covered my visibility. If I touch the window, it will be cold. For a moment I wanted to escape reality. Fused with rain, then disappeared as it subsided, flowing and seeping into the ground.

"Lord, sometimes life is not what I want. If I could, I would write my own story. My life story, my love story, my household story, I will write beautifully full of love and harmony. But maybe my destiny is different from my dream" I said as I stirred my iced tea.

"Ha, what did you say just now?" ask Dian curiously.

"No. It rains when it stops, yes. I think it will last. His clouding was evenly hanging in the sky. There was no wind at all" I said.

"Will you go home?"

"No. Help me pick out clothes for me to wear at the introductions."

☆☆☆Bonnect☆☆☆