DORM WITHOUT CONTAINER

CHAPTER 18: THE HEART PUZZLE

Life is not something that is easily achieved. Sometimes life is not something that can be obtained easily.

Life is also not a game of fate, for you alone live that life. And when you feel that life is meaningless, then in that moment, life will leave you.

Have you ever said to yourself that I live and want more?

Except for hope, I have nothing left.

***

A day that seems ordinary to others, but strangely it becomes extraordinary because of you. Someone I can only admire in my heart, but not in my lips. He was still not brave enough, perhaps he would never dare to say.

Are you aware of this feeling?

Or are you pretending to be unconscious?

I don't know if I don't care about that, obviously your face can be clearly seen in my eyes.

How do you think of me?

The secret admirer?

Or a stranger you don't know?

But I'm not both.

I'm just I'm someone who's accidentally attracted to you.

He can be said to be a popular guy in the dormitory of the School of Health Nurses, you could say he was famous in the school many girls' who idolized him of course with his attitude is very cool and cool but religious.

His figure was named Ilham, which gave me the opportunity to have a love story like a teenager in general. At first my life felt ordinary not happy nor sad. More precisely empty nothing special. Maybe it's because I'm sick of my life that I think is black and white.

Until I met her figure, Ilham.

I met him for the umpteenth time on the futsal court, because he just happened to be one of the players to represent his class. At first I never intended to see that match again nor did I know many people there. Until my best friend Rita asked me to watch it. Coincidentally Rita is a human figure of the sex of a girl' as an admirer of handsome men', and Ilham is included in the list.

I walked with an expression of disinterest. "Aaargh, why should I come with Rita here anyway!". My inner being when I saw the sea of humans in that field. "Ooooh...!!! come on, this is something I hate the most, the crowd". Narrator.

I just lowered my head from now on, it felt like many seniors and juniors were starting to glance cynically at me and Rita. But somehow Rita did not care about it and she was just busy shouting mentions of the team she supported.

"Why am I ashamed to see my best friend?". I was astonished and kept my head down, until unknowingly a ball spontaneously floated and fell beside me. Right beside me I glanced at the ball and wanted to take it, but no one dared to take it.

I ventured to look at the guy who took the ball. But my eyes were locked on the two eyeballs that were also staring at me and it made a strange vibration suddenly appear in my chest. Why do his eyes have magnets? I tried to take my eyes off but my body seemed to reject it, I felt like the sea of humans had just disappeared and only me and him were left. I heard a shocking sound from one of the players, and I reflexively broke eye contact with him. "Ilham Lo why dumbass? Come on!" His friend's words made him realize a short nod.

Yeah...!!! The inspiration?

After that day, the figure of Inspiration made me feel the one thing that I really hated, how I fell in love with it while I hated love so much. I'm not ready to love again after a past trauma. But somehow, the hatred towards love seemed to disappear if I saw the figure of Inspiration in the Health Nurse School Dormitory.

He turned my mind continuously and subconsciously, I began to privilege the figure of Inspiration. When a lot of silly things are done, it looks so beautiful in my eyes. There was nothing interesting about him, so what made me like him? I don't know, strangely enough I don't know either. But, the bad thing about him actually looks very beautiful in my eyes.

I think I'm going crazy about it, but it's fun.

I who used to feel every day is very boring, just switch that every day is the thing I am waiting for the most. Because, every day I could look at him all the time, and I happened to have class. The distance between my class and the class is quite far and only at certain moments can I pass through it.

The days are passing, I think every second of my love for her is growing. When leaving and returning from class to dormitory, we often cross under a palm tree lined up neatly on the side of the corridor of the boarding road. Somehow he always slowed his way when in front of me when his friends were almost there.

However, I didn't pay much attention to it, I didn't want to expect this to be my story and I just wanted to admire it. But every time I try not to care, he always makes me feel right about my guess. The way he looks at me, the way he smiles at me. All of these things make me worry. I always ask why when I'm sports, he always steals a glance while glancing at me?. I really do not want to be carried away feelings that are not necessarily true to him, I am afraid if I clap one hand.

Why-why does he always give me sweet things, even if not speech?

I didn't want to believe it, it really made me feel even higher for her. And it seems, the thing that I was afraid of all this time happened as well, I realized my love was clapping one hand, when I suddenly heard the news that, Ilham was dating his classmate, Aaaarghhh, why does he make my heart worry like this?

Am I guilty in the end?

I'm the one who always carries feelings for her? If so, I'm really disappointed in myself. From the very beginning, I didn't learn to understand love, because eventually it would end on its own.

From that day on, I chose to stop, I no longer looked at those beautiful eyeballs when I passed by, I would not smile at him, I would not look for anything about him anymore. Because from the beginning, we were just people who didn't know each other, I knew that I had no rights, because if I had, maybe I would choose myself.

And unfortunately I even fantasized that he liked me too. Wake Dessy! I'm going to start hating him, isn't the best way to forget someone is to hate him? Yes I will do it.

But after I did, I understood one thing. The most complicated phase of loving is trying to forget. It may sound short and trivial, but believe me forgetting it is a thing that has a thousand reasons to be difficult.

Somehow this heart and this mind that are unable to cooperate, when my heart is steady to forget it but I still always find out about it, looking at it from afar, even looking for it during the ceremony.

One thing I asked myself why?

Why am I like this?

Is forgetting her such a difficult thing?

After all this time, I spent the time to forget about it, and when I thought I had succeeded, it was precisely that he deliberately damaged the sturdy wall that I had built so easily. Inspiration to deliberately meet me with a reason alone!

"Dessy's in pa's dorm, Ta?!" Ask Rita.

"Sister, just got home in the morning!" Obviously Rita.

"Ooooh yeah, where is he?!" Ask Inspiration again.

"Ntar yes brother, Rita try to call!" Rita.

Rita headed to the princess dorm room and met me with a smile filled with mystery.

"What's the matter Ta?!" Ask Dessy.

"There's a brother Ilham outside!" Answer Rita.

"Yes, what is my relationship?" Answer Dessy casually.

"Are you here waiting outside?" Rita smiled.

"What do you mean Ta!" Ask Dessy.

"Sir Ilham is nyariin elo Dessy, understand you now!" Obviously Rita later.

"What!" Dessy is shocked to hear Rita's last words.

Me and Ilham just looked at each other and smiled, very sweet, as if there was a myriad of longings that radiated very clearly in his eyes, I was the same, I missed him a lot. She did not let go of her gaze at me at all, what was wrong with her? He looked at me as if he loved me, but he never came near me.

We have an unsolved story, it has to end without recognition is a beautiful story that I engraved with him, and I hope Ilham can always be happy with his life.

I was a little hopeful and regretful at the same time, that I wanted to express my feelings to her, and I wanted her to answer my questions all along? About what does everything mean? From his eyes, I saw many lights of love for me, but he would not reveal them.

I'm just curious about Ilham, and I wish you could describe my curiosity about your figure. Because if I could be honest, that feeling is in my heart for the figure of an Inspiration.

The figure of Ilham is still an enigma until now.