Dispute of the Heart (CALYA)

Presence of the Past

The night is getting late, quiet... It was as if the entire population of this city had fallen asleep in his sleep. The sound of the night beast was no longer heard. Only the full moon still seems to keep the night, and may also keep a woman who is still awake in the corner of her room.

Calya.His mind was still drifting considering the events of this afternoon. Dirga's words like still a question that stifles his chest and makes him unable to fall asleep.

"This is what Ga?" Calya asked while thrusting Dirga's mobile phone which showed a group chat in it.

"They put me in an alumni group, yeah what's wrong with being in that group. After all just to establish a relationship with friends during college." Dirga answered flatly.

"It's not about you being in that group. But the content of this group talks a lot about you and him."

"Him? You mean what the hell is Cal?"

"You and your ex-girlfriend Dirga!" Calya raised her voice.

"I can't forbid anyone in that group to discuss or not to discuss anything. They only remember the stories we went to college. It's just the past."

"You saved his contact Ga." Calya lowered her voice now, but her eyes started to look teary.

"I keep contact with all my friends in the group, what's wrong? Maybe I need it sometime. My friends work in various government and private offices, and it is possible that one day I will have to communicate with those related to my work. Never mind Cal, don't be too possessive later even you stress yourself."

Dirga walked into the room, closing it hard leaving Calya standing in the corner of the official house's living room. Tears are now dripping from both corners of her eyes.

How not, Dirga who had been so gentle ever since she knew him, had now spoken out only to maintain her reason of keeping in contact with Haira, the woman in her past. Inner Calya was raging, there was a sense of fear there. Calya is so scared, Dirga's past comes back as if it will be the black shadow of her marriage.

Had Dirga not made an argument and immediately erased Haira's contact, maybe Calya would have gained her peace of mind, no need to parse her pain with tears.

Calya's tears are back tonight. No one heard it because Dirga wasn't home until this late. Since that afternoon conversation Dirga left and has not returned.

"I'm at the office, I have work to do, maybe until night." Only that word was spoken by Dirga as it passed without even looking at Calya's face.

***

This morning the air was cold. Calya is awake and doing her job as a wife. It had been a week since his quarrel with Dirga. Calya had no intention of asking about Haira anymore. He wants everything back to how it was. A cup of milk coffee and a plate of toast were served in front of her husband just as his husband was picking up a phone call on his dresser.

"Hello. Yep. What's?! Hmm wait a minute." Dirga stepped out of the house, spoke on the phone for a while and went back in and approached his wife.

"I have to go to Jakarta this afternoon Cal, please prepare my clothes for three days."

"To Jakarta? How come suddenly Ga, what activities?"

"There's an important activity, and it's sudden." Dirga only answered as if he had gone to the bathroom.

Calya could not ask any more questions, immediately did her husband's order. Such sudden tasks are common.

"I'm leaving, Cal, you're fine at home, no need to take me to the airport." Dirga stroked his wife's hair gently.

"You be careful Ga, let me know immediately when you arrive."

"Pertain up, baby."

Dirga lifted his suitcase, walked out of the house, but when he arrived at the door, he turned his body back.

"I love you, Calya Janalin."

"I love you too Dirga Mahendra." Calya smiled slightly looking at her husband. Really, Calya was relieved because her husband did not forget to say those words as he usually did when he was about to travel.

Dirga passed by in a taxi that would take him to the airport. Calya followed her husband's steps up to the fence. Not a second did her gaze turn until her husband's body was completely out of sight.

***

The arrival gate of Jakarta airport was very crowded. There was a crowd of people waiting for the passengers to land from the door. Dirga out pulled his suitcase, while looking left and right as if looking for someone who will pick him up.

"Mas Dirga!" A woman's voice shocked Dirga and made her look at the direction the voice came from.

"Hi Mir's. We're going straight to the hospital, right?"

"Mas Dirga is not tired? Don't want to eat first?"

"Later on Mir, we'll just go straight to the hospital."

Dirga and Mirna walk to the parking lot to where Mirna's car is parked. Mirna drove her car to the hospital where her brother, Haira, is now being treated.

"I'm sorry Mas, yesterday called you and asked you to come here. We and our family do not know what to do, Haira is in a crisis against her heart disease. Only Mas Dirga's name is always called. We were afraid this was his last request to meet Mas Dirga, so Mama and Papa asked me to contact Mas Dirga using Kak Haira's cell phone yesterday." Mirna started the conversation while continuing to move the steering wheel in her hand.

"Since when has Haira been in crisis?"

"Two days ago Haira was short of breath, we took her to the hospital and it turned out that her condition was getting worse. But for Kak Haira's disease has been diagnosed by doctors since two years ago. Brother Haira is stressed after hearing the news of Mas Dirga's marriage."

"Stresses? Didn't it be long after I got married, Haira got married too?"

"Yes, but the wedding wasn't long. Haira's sister filed for divorce from Mas Tora just six months after they got married. I'm sure Kak Haira married Mas Tora just as an escape due to the stress of knowing Mas Dirga was married."

"Yes, I know Haira's divorced but I don't know if I'm the reason for what happened to her."

"Kak Haira still feels guilty for you Mas, and Kak Haira actually still loves you. That's what I know."

Dirga just silently heard the words of Mirna. His memory goes back to a few years when he was in college. The most beautiful girl in his class became his lover. Three years in love, Dirga and Haira become a phenomenal couple in their college.

The man is the smartest student and the woman is the prettiest student and also rich. Dirga's memories continued to drift up to that day, the day her heart broke after getting her lover had betrayed her. Haira's beloved has been having an affair with their senior Isman on campus.

With his own eyes Dirga found Haira and Isman alone in the room locked. What hurt her even more was Haira's silence as Dirga asked her what she had done. That day Dirga left Haira, decided on all her communications, never to see her again. His heart is broken, but he does not deny his love for Haira is too big so Dirga takes a long time to forget.

Until fate brings him to meet Calya, the woman he met in the city where he first served after graduation as the state civil apparatus. Calya girl who always acts silly always fills her days with happiness to finally make her forget Haira.

Now Haira is back in her life. Since meeting back through their alumni group in whatsapp, Dirga is like experiencing dejavu. Her good times with Haira seemed to reappear in shadow of her memory. Until that day when Haira sent him a whatsapp message asking for Dirga's news.

A sense of raging in Dirga's mind. There was fear, hatred, but his curiosity about Haira at that time made him finally reply to Haira's message and then keep his name in his cell phone contact. And today Dirga is going to meet Haira, either met as what? Ex-lover or friend? Or maybe as a helper god for Haira who is being critical?

"Dirga Mas's wife knew that Mas Dirga would meet Haira?" Mirna's question instantly jerked Dirga from her daydream.

"Wife? Ohhh... Emm..." He remembered his wife, whom he had lied to today.

Caly... Ii'm sorry. Dirga's inner voice was only able to say those words while recalling what had been done to Calya today, for the first time Dirga had lied to Calya.

"Mas Dirga?"

"Oh, Calya doesn't know. I didn't tell her, I'm afraid she won't let me see Haira, while you say Haira's condition is critical."

Mirna smiled at Dirga's answer, there was a meaning to her smile like a relief and hope for something.

***

Dirga followed Mirna down the aisle until they reached a room.

"Wait here for a second Mas, I'll go in and tell Mama and Papa, they're inside."

Mirna opened the room door and went inside. Soon Mirna came out with her Mom and Dad.

"Sir Dirga, earlier Om thanked Nak Dirga for coming here to see Haira."

"Sama-sama Om. Now how's Haira doing?"

"Haira's been waiting for you since. He was very happy when we said that Nak Dirga was coming. Please help us Nak Dirga, only Nak Dirga we hope can help us for Haira. His current condition is critical, and needs to be operated on immediately, but Haira always refuses, she does not want to be operated on before meeting Nak Dirga. Haira always said it was better to die than to have surgery without meeting Nak Dirga first. Om beg on behalf of Haira, forgive Haira's past mistakes that have hurt Nak Dirga." Mr. Broto was unable to endure his sadness until his eyes were now glazed. However, he has known Dirga since he was still in a relationship with his daughter Haira, and he knows what has happened between Dirga and Haira.

"I've forgiven Haira, Om. It's all just the past, and now I come as a friend. If my arrival can change Haira's decision and be willing to undergo surgery, of course I would be very happy to be able to help."

"Well, son Dirga, thank you once again. Now come in, Haira's waiting."

Dirga nodded his head then stepped towards the door of the room, then, he opened it and now stood in the room looking at a woman lying with an intravenous needle in her hand and an oxygen tube in her nose.

"Dirgas... Have you come?" The weak voice of the woman lying down made Dirga move her legs closer to the edge of the bed.

"Yes Haira, it's me."

"Thank you Dir. I won't be calm if I haven't met you. I'm critical of Dir, maybe I'll be gone soon."

"No Ra, you can't talk like that. You must be strong, you must be healed."

"Only you can strengthen me. I'm sorry for my mistake first."

"I've forgiven you, there's no need to feel guilty about it anymore."

"But everything is in vain now. I. I need you Dir." Haira's last words came out accompanied by the sound of her cries.

Dirga immediately held Haira's hand trying to convince her to calm down and stop crying.

"Two years ago when you called me in a Facebook chat, I was so happy. I thought that you intended to come back to me. It turns out you were with another woman by then."

Dirga's life goes back to that time. After three years of not communicating with Haira after they broke up, they met on Facebook after Haira asked for friendship.

It was two years since they graduated from college and Dirga had worked as a state apparatus. Although friends on facebook but they do not regularly communicate, only once Haira asked if they can be friends on facebook, and Dirga only agreed, until one day Haira put up a profile photo that shows her now hijab.

[You are beautiful with the hijab Ra.] That was the content of Dirga's facebook message at that time.

"As long as we're friends on fb I've always wanted to apologize to you, but I've always been afraid to do so. And when you sent me a message saying I was beautiful with a hijab, I was really happy, and I thought you still liked me. But when I asked how you were doing at the time, it turned out that you were preparing for marriage with her. I was destroyed once. I'm sorry why I didn't apologize to you for so long. I still love you until now and whenever Dir. When you ask me what I did first, it's my stupidity. I betrayed you without thinking it would hurt you. I was just thinking for my pleasure. I thought you loved me so much that you wouldn't be angry with me. I was silent about not answering you at the time, because I thought you couldn't leave me. I was so arrogant about my popularity that I forgot about my heart, about my true love. After you left me, I realized that I love you, I need you to continue with me Dirga..."

"Calm Ra. Calm yourself, your condition is not stable, your emotions will only make things worse. I forgive you without needing an apology from you. Everything is just the past, part of our destiny. Now we are friends. And I'm here to give you support, you need to be strong and you need to heal." Dirga tightened her grip on the hand hoping Haira would be calmer than her emotions.

"Buddy? Just Dir's friend?"

"Yes Ra, we're friends now. Isn't that better than no relationship?"

"My dear will soon be Dir. I don't want to die just as your friend. Let's just say this is my last request."

"You mean how's Ra?"

"If you only consider me a friend, I won't be operated on tomorrow. Why else would I fight to live?"

"Ra, there's your family who still wants you to exist."

"I want true love to be my reason for living "

"True love?"

"Yes Dir. My true love is you. I want to be your wife before I leave for good."

Dirga instantly jerked. Removing his hand from Haira's hand. His body felt like it was being electrocuted until his brain stopped thinking. Dirga stood upright like a statue with an empty view.

Is this why Haira's family asked her to come? Haira wants to be Dirga's wife? But Dirga is not a single man, he has a wife. Calya is his wife. Dirga loves Calya very much. Dirga has chosen Calya as his life companion.

But now the woman from her past comes back, begging for a wish for her life. Dirga's body now felt limp, he walked towards the sink in the room, twisted his tap and washed his face with running water. His face now feels fresh, and he hopes his brain will soon melt from the ice.

SERIATE