Decuruh Tak Dewuh

LTE | FORTY FIVE

Me where?

"Damnah!"

Who me?

"Damnah!"

And whose voice is this?

"Damnah!"

Whose hand is this? Why is it so pale?

"Damnah!"

Oh, this is my hand.

"Damnah!"

I began to circulate my gaze looking for where the source of the voice came from. But, before turning my head, I had already crashed due to something very powerful and entered into a dark room.

"Damnah!"

The lights are on, ah, not the lights. This is called the light of life. I was in a long hallway that I thought was endless.

"Damnah!"

Whose voice is this again? Who is this woman who calls me? Ruhi's? Is that my name? I continued to hold my head which felt spinning because suddenly the particles from memory memory slowly penetrated into my brain and turned into a troublesome piece of puzzle.

Throbbing for the sake of pulsation was painful. My head was hit by a blunt object. The place I was standing on now was slowly moving like a treadmill but the difference kept moving forward. I passed through the colorless and very sticky passageways like spider webs that usually litter the warehouse or other worn-out places.

The place I stand stops. I was confronted by something that aired the process of giving birth to a baby. The mother was very tired while continuing to push so that the baby came out immediately. Beside the woman, there was a man who was most likely her husband, holding the wife's hand to encourage her.

After the life gamble was over, the baby came out and for the first time was in the world. The beautiful red baby girl was crying. Then the father echoed the adhan right in the ear of his little daughter while touched.

"Ruhi Rajendra Hayyat Khan" muttered the father.

That little baby is me. Is that really me? So small and looks so fragile. My heart was filled to see the happiness of my parents when I was born.

After seeing the show just now, my feet began to step without my control.

All the events of my life were shown on a large screen set up along the wall of the hallway. I just kept going and watching all the short stories about my life. Slowly I could feel all my limbs. Before I only felt I had a body but I could not control it. Until I got to the point where I started to realize that I had no shadow.

Already dead?

"Damnah!"

The voice was heard again. I started running towards that voice hoping that I could return to my world.

But nil. I was chasing after a horizon that had no end. I sat down weakly while cupping my face and started sobbing. Why does it have to be like this? Am I really dead?

"You are dead, son of man?"

"Who are you?" My toot.

"Who I am is not important to you. Most importantly now, you must come with me. Your business in the world is done."

The deg!

Is this how it ends? I left my father, my brothers, my family, my friends, everyone?

"... Therefore, I came to pick you up. Return to your god's side, Allah SWT with your mother."

"Damnah!"

I'm turning.

"Don't listen to that call. Allah SWT has lifted all your pain and in return you must give up your life. In the name of Allah, the Most True, come with me."

I looked at this figure in front of me. Then I hesitantly decided to....

Come along.

Maybe this is my time to give up. Thank you for accompanying my journey. Thank you for being my best dad. Thank you to my two brothers who I love and love very much. Thank you to Caca, Riko, Nada, Vanya, Eka and all the friends of the Sky theater. Thank you to Tito for loving me sincerely even though I have not been able to repay your love. And I apologize for that.

Thank you to everyone who has ever been involved in my life. Teachers, teachers and everyone.

Especially for Bagas, thank you for the wounds you have given. I still love you so much. And may you always be happy.

I'm pampering.

•••

TBC'S