Cocooned

MERRY CHRISTMAS, VAL!

I wanted to say something, but it feels like my brain is paralyzing right now. I can't think.

"Terry, listen to me. Don't be on this matter you blame Brother Tia. I mean, maybe because of forgetfulness, Sister Tia accidentally betrothed me to her own sister. You also do not need to worry, this matchmaking problem is only us who know. So, let's just say it never happened and ...."

Silent for a moment, I was still waiting for what Val would say "I hope you find happiness with that very lucky girl. That's all I'm trying to say. Merry Christmas, Mar. Don't forget tomorrow to church, yes," Val said before hanging up.

My heart's pinched, Val didn't even give me a chance to talk. I stared at the touch screen that now features my face and Val's springy face against the backdrop of the Museum Angkut.

Oh, my God, what am I supposed to do? Val thinks everything never happened, does that mean he wants to get me out of his life? I swallowed the lump that had been stuck in my throat. Who is the 'very lucky girl' she means?

I just remembered what I wanted to ask him, my hand opened the chat app and immediately typed something. Answer me, Val, which one do you like—sunrise or sunset?

Although two blue ticks appeared, but there was no answer from him. This really frustrates me, and I have no friends to pour out my current turmoil with. Oh, there's one!

I pressed the phone call and immediately the connection was lifted. "Jay, tell me, did I act stupid? Why?"

'You are more than a fool than a donkey! I was shocked to death, when Val told me that you went with a special girl.'

"Which girl? Yesterday I went with Susan."

'Yes, right, ' Susan said.

"Wait, are you and Susan officially dating? Since when?" manya suspect.

'Just your own business. I don't know who the girl Val meant. Hush-hush! There you go, don't disturb the dating people.'

He said, mate, but once I wanted to vent instead chased away like a cat passing by. What kind of friend is he? I snorted annoyed. "One more, Jay. Val likes sunrise or sunset?"

'uh? Ask it yourself!' hardik Jaya was rude before disconnecting the phone.

*****

Ask it yourself! During the drive home from work until the moment I lay on the apartment bed like now, that sentence resonated in my brain. It was as if Jaya had tattooed it on my cerebellum.

Because of the few cups of coffee I drank this afternoon to keep me awake, now I suffer from insomnia. My eyes until sore because it continues to stare at the bare ceiling, even though I want to sleep and forget many things. Not to mention that the voice that told me to 'just ask yourself' continued to haunt, it felt like soon I would go crazy.

Moments later, as if inspired, I came to my senses and got up packing.

At dawn, I was in front of Val's house by boarding the first flight Jakarta-Malang. Maybe no one has woken up this early because all the lights seem to go out. It doesn't matter if I have to wait on the porch, accompanied by a small drizzle and a gentle breeze.

A few hours later, the lights from the glass windows seemed to light up one by one, soon someone should have opened the front door and found a homeless man on the porch. I must look fucked up right now. Forget the handsome, not sleeping two days plus two more double-shots of espresso on the plane, making my eyes shaded now and my hands started shaking with caffeine.

I stood up as the door knob turned. "Val?" call me to the blurry figure pecking at the front door.

"You sopo? Early in the morning in people's homes. Bring that big backpack, what do you want?"

It's definitely not Val. The high tone and accent of the female medok in front made my head throb. Inevitably I closed my eyes and instantly my body was dazed. I almost fell, if there was not a pair of hands holding my back.

"Terry, what are you doing here?"

"Merry Christmas, Val." With the rest of my muscles stiffened from the cold all night, I forced a smile.

"Merry Christmas, Ter," he replied flatly. "Let's go in! Mam, please make something warm."

Ah, it was Val's mother. Good thing I didn't rebuke my future-in-law, I thought amused as I walked wherever Val pushed me. In a closed room, he sat me in his bed, then his hands moved to open my jacket and clothes.

"What do you think? Take a hot shower there! I borrowed Papa's clothes for you first" Val ordered, then he quickly pushed me into the bathroom.

I chuckled, covering up the relief and disappointment that had appeared together. Glad that I suddenly felt like I was Val's husband today. Cooked food by Mother-in-law, lent clothes by Father-in-law, and bathed in Val's bathroom. At least stupidity made me a little lucky to get the attention of the Val family.

Disappointed because this is not the reality, Oh God, where is my common sense to expect too high that Val will accept my feelings without hindrance.

Stepping out of Val's room, it turned out that all his family members were waiting. I'm not feeling good. In the past, the four of us used to play at Val's house, hopefully they haven't forgotten me.

"Om, Auntie, Jenni," I said awkwardly.

A plate of fried rice that was still pumping hot steam was already available on the table. Without saying much, I immediately ate it under the gaze of the Val family.

"Your mother doesn't recognize you, Ter. It's really shabby" Val's mother chirped in the middle of my feed.

I could only chuckle in response to his comment. Thankfully, he didn't yell to the neighborhood security guard to throw me in the street. As soon as I finished breakfast, Val immediately pulled me out of the house.

In the walking car, I asked, "Where are we going?"

Val did not answer, nor did he look at me from behind the wheel. When I cupped his hands above the gear of the car, then he turned his head. The look that implied anger made me feel guilty.

"Are you angry?"

The drizzle quickly turned to heavy rain as he parked his vehicle, took a wide umbrella from behind my seat and immediately got out. My attention that had been on him made me realize that we were in front of my house. A little later, Val came out with my mom.

Jesus, Mom! I forgot about my own mother, while Val remembered. How do I feel I'm not afraid of this reality? Jaya is right, an angel named Valerie Lukman, there is only one in the world. And, she's with me now.

"Terry? When are you coming home?" surprise mom from the back seat.

"Mom, sorry, I forgot to tell you. Merry Christmas, Mom."

"Merry Christmas's. Ah, you are, Ter. Go home, go, go, same with your sister, Tia. Good thing there's Valerie, she's always reliable, more so than her own child."

I looked at Val who was behind the wheel again. "Thank you, Val." The girl still refused to look at me.

We drove in the rain, fortunately it was not too late to attend Christmas Mass at Wood Hand Church. Inside, Susan and Jaya waved from the seats they had prepared for us. I was sitting in the middle, flanked by mom and Valerie. The girl's shoulder that was tightly stuck to my arm gave off a peaceful feeling.

I closed my eyes, connected my fingers, and entered into solemn prayer. It's been a long time since I've felt a memorable Christmas celebration. For a long time I did not get together with the people who played a big part in my life, my mother and my best friend. This year, I'm back.

I realized God, that all this time that made me abundant was the prayer of Mother and friends. So, this Christmas and the days after, I pray for them, that the blessings of Christmas and His great grace may also flow into loved ones.

After attending a well-run Christmas Mass, Val drove us home. On the porch of my house, Mom and Val hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. "Thank you, Val. Mom's not feeling good about you keep getting to know. Like when mom's leg hurts, you're forced to pick Terry up at the airport. Forgive him too if you're wrong a lot" Val said with a smile.

Ah, so that's because Val knows my date of return. I think now I owe him my whole life. I waited until Mom came inside before slowly approaching her. "I think I've been forgiven at my mother's request."

"I don't agree with it." Silent moment. The clumsiness was like a ghost passing by in the middle of the distance between me and Val. He took a deep breath before saying, "The rain is rushing as well. I have to go home now."

I intercepted him, standing between him and his white umbrella lying in the corner of the terrace. "Can we talk to Val for a second? If later, because of the rain you can not go home, there are rooms here that you can empathize. Don't worry."

Once again Val took a breath and threw his gaze to the side, again dodging my gaze. "Speak, I listen."

One chance, take advantage of this all right, Ter. I took a deep breath and with a single breath I gave myself a word, "I like you, Val."