Beating Back

No matter how far I get, I'll go back to the starting point

When I want to stay away with Adri at the same time I feel like I don't want to be away from her. Every time I want to make her go away from my life it's weighing on me and thinking about her.

That day when I shouted at Adri in the library I wanted him to stay away and no longer bother but in that very moment I felt guilty for treating him like that, I don't think it's her fault until I do that.

and finally tomorrow I walked to his class and wanted to apologize but when I was right in front of the class and saw it from a distance I was nervous and undo my inner "later" intention. but Adri saw me and rushed towards me. He seemed to forget the incident yesterday while on campus.

"what's going on in my class?" that was the question he asked after yesterday when I snapped to get away from me. but I ventured to apologize to her for yesterday but she with a smiling face said it was okay I was a little relieved to see the smiling Adri and forgot about the incident.

"thank you" smiled back at Adri.

Adri invited me to sit down. The weather today is so cool with the light of the sun is not so hot, the trees and some people who are sports, and, some are jokingly busy with their respective activities. still with the silence of the atmosphere that is so awkward makes me and Adri can only be silent.

"bi, since that day where have you been without news?" adri began to ask me with a curious face because he had not received an answer from me.

"oh that, I'm sick so I have to ask permission not to go to class" I replied.

"yes" I replied, I know the hesitation of Adri because of the yesterday.

"fit in my house why so rushed home?, is there a problem?" he looked at me carefully, but from that day on he did not stop to think about why the look on his face that day was so frightened and painful.from that day on, adri can't sleep and doesn't even focus in class. when you want to question eunbi directly but the face of eunbi is not visible anywhere even has tried to contact eunbi's phone many times still can not answer even more worried because eunbi no news.

I just fell silent, thinking for a moment before answering Adri's question.

"kalo can not tell not papa kok" replied adri who saw me speechless. I know I remember something I once loved so much but at the same time it hurt me so much. I'm not so easy to tell him anymore. but for now I have to try to make peace with the past from the moment I met Adri that's when I wanted to forget the bitter thing of my memories.

"not that, it's just that I don't know where to start. lately I always get foreign letters and phones" I went back to silence and looked at Adri "in the letter he said he would come back and that day, when I got the call at your house it was the guy who hurt me I just didn't want to look sad in front of you so I rushed home".

"i want to be the first person who is always there for you whether you are sad, happy, I want you to depend on me, I want to know all about you" Adri held my hand. but I could not resist or try to take his hand off me. Because I too my heart wanted the same thing that Adri wanted.