Back to Loving Post Amnesia

Bag 2's. Someone Who Loves You

The Shania Citra.

Month passed.

For God's sake, I don't want to see that man for the rest of my life. In fact, the news of his accident that was broadcast on several television stations and internet media, did not immediately make me feel sorry for his condition.

Perhaps my dead and hardened heart, right after I found out the man had betrayed and indirectly killed my son. The feeling of love that once burned like the flames of teenage romance, seemed to evaporate just like that along with my sense of belief that was at the highest level to him he had destroyed in the blink of an eye.

For this time and only today I will come to see him. May no one beg me to come see him a second or a third time. Not because of revenge, it's just that the pain in the heart can not be eliminated that easily. That's why, really, I'm sick of how I feel. Why did God have to create a 'sick heart' that turned out to be this painful?

"Come, Son. Since last night, Dipta just said your name. Mama beg of you. With sincerity, please speak to him," said my mother Meida–. Because of you, I'm here now.

My mother-in-law had long persuaded me to come to see her son, but I always refused. There is no way I refuse again the request of the mother-in-law who knelt in front of me, I feel like a lowly human being if treated like that.

I have the right to make decisions about my life. Whether I'm going to meet, forgive, or punish someone. However, humans are not perfect creatures. As much as possible, I forgive his mistakes.

Letting go; breaking off a relationship; trying to forget, that's how I forgive. Mama Meida–my mother– has no right to kneel to me because I do not deserve to be adored because we are both imperfect humans.

"Mama, Shania will only find Mas Dipta once. Apologize, if the presence of Shania does not make Mas Dipta wake up from his coma," I told my mother-in-law in front of the ICU room.

"Mom sure you can, mama trust you. As long as we have tried, the results leave it to the Powerful, Son," said my mother-in-law with tears.

I wiped Mama Meida's tears, I know how Mama Meida loved her firstborn. From the very beginning of knowing the man, I was immediately stunned by his family's attitude. And, once I became her daughter-in-law, even Mama Meida's affection was as great as mine - whether it was anyone who became her daughter-in-law.

Before I entered, a slightly distended stomach woman came out of the room. We sat there, one that I believed she was the same woman when the last day I saw my husband carrying his body.

Having no business with the woman in front of me who momentarily bowed to greet me, I immediately entered the room of Mas Dipta. It was only here that I felt sorry for his condition. Lying helplessly with many hoses that help prolong his life.

Almost everything I remember from him–Mas Dipta–is his affection, his love, his meekness, he's the figure of my backrest in the world, and the good priest in our household life. However, everything seems to be smeared because of his affair until he has a child from another woman. Then, from that day on, I thought, who is the man I can trust in this world?

I saw his chest moving up and down slowly which meant his breathing was weak. I bowed my body, brought my face to her ears.

"Assynolajet. Allahumma sali ala sayyidinna muhammad. Mas Dipta, can you hear my voice? This is your wife, Shania. How's it going? Sorry, I just came to see you," I said slowly in his ear.

One blink of an eye I could see from him, he probably heard my voice. The cold, pale curay of his fingers, I clasped his fingers in both palms channeling a little of the warmth I had.

"All I know is that you are a strong and optimistic man. If I may ask, please be that strong and fight your pain. Get up and meet the people you love, they've been waiting for you, Mom."

I gently rubbed her delicate cheek with my right hand, "get up and hug your mother because she loves you the most" I paused my sentence for a moment. Slowly, as long as he can accept my sentences.

"Wake up and if you miss me, then meet me right now" I said with a tight chest. Remember with him who always said miss even if separated for a day. If indeed his longing was true, then this month's time was the toughest for him to withstand the longing to meet me.

"Don't expect me to come again tomorrow because I'll only be here for once, get up" I said.

I stayed silent for a few minutes, waiting for his response. I saw the heartbeat on the cardiograph screen move up rapidly and his chest moved up and down deeper. Is that a good response?

Next, I felt the hand I was holding behind my finger with vigor. Then I saw his face. His eyes moved, then slowly opened. I smile, try to succeed!