Alinea: Ideas, Love, and Stories

MAMA

“Buk said what too? Therefore, you are a child, mbo yes horrified said the parents. This is how it becomes.” Grandma sounded ranting. I saw Mama looking down in front of Grandma. Maybe, Mama is being scolded by Grandma. Yeah, it seems like that.

“Iya, Buk. Vein sorry.”

“If you were married to Alex, maybe your fate wouldn't be like this, Nduk. Ah but you are stubborn, insistent on marrying that poor writer. I told you Tama has no future. You don't want to be horrified either. This is how it happened. If this is the case, you are already a widow with 2 children, who wants to marry you?” Grandma's tone was rising. Mama's still down.

“Mafin Veins, Buk.”

“Now your task is, do not reach the children\-your children follow in the footsteps of his Father. I don't want to have a writer's grandchild or anything. You must be an example of your mother and father. Even though we are only farm laborers, we can make you a doctor, a successful child. Eh even after your success choose a life of destitute with the poor writer.”

I saw Mom crying this time. Struggling in front of Grandma, apologizing repeatedly. I was 8 years old then. Mas Nara 13 years. We steal listen without really\-know what Mama and Grandma talk mean. All we know is, Grandma scolded Mama. Though it was the first time we visited grandma's house after the last time there was still Papa, a long time ago. If it wasn't wrong when I was 3. So that I don't really know his condition.

“Eh, small children should not be eavesdropping.” Grandpa suddenly appeared. There was a crunchy twitch at the end of his sentence. Then Grandpa took me and Mas Nara to the front room. Leaving Grandma's room door.

“Kek, why is Grandma angry with Mama?”

Grandpa just laughed and said it was adult business.

Now, when I think back to that incident. Putting together memories with Papa, Mama, and Mas Nara, I began to understand something. Understand the reason why Mama, want her son to become a doctor, also the reason Mama rarely invite us to visit Grandma and Grandpa.

*Mama, he is also a victim of false expectations*.

***

“You've been smart to lie yes, Alin?”

I was surprised to find Mama when she entered the house. He was standing behind the door. Fold your hands in front of your chest. Mama's face was red, looking upset.

“Mama just called Miss Regan. A, first there is no group task. Second, it turns out that you and Shaka are still table mates. Wow, you're so good at lying, honey?”

I'm speechless. There are no words of defense or lies that I can relate to anymore. Cold fingers. I was so scared to see Mama's look. This is the first time Mom has looked so scary. Really am.

I was sitting down. Crying out. Apologizing to Mama. Pulling away Mom's hand, begging to be forgiven. In that cry I remembered Shaka's message, but I realized it was true, until at any time, I would never dare to say that to Mama. No. gabe. I had to throw away those feelings of likes and dreams. Mama won't like it.

“Wake up, Mama told Miss Regan to separate your seats. If Mama knows you are still friends with Shaka, not just sitting you guys who Mama separated Alin, you know Mama can easily move your school, Kan?”

I'm nodding. Sobbing\-sou. Mama has passed. He went into the room and slammed the door.

My chest thumped loudly hearing the sound of the door slamming. My hands started to shiver. It feels heavy to get up from this position. My steps go to the room. I remembered the story of Ashka, Shaka's\-brother. I understood his feelings and I began to want to do the same.

I almost wanted to hurt myself that night. I suddenly felt tired of what I had been through. I feel unable to pretend anymore and follow all of Mama's plans. It's all too heavy. And it's true Shaka said, I can't make others happy if I'm not happy myself.

**You don't need to report to your Mama right now. Let's get your dream first. We prove to your Mama that your dream is no less great than what your Mama planned. Hows it? Reply yes. My pulse's up because I called you earlier**.

There was an injection of spirit at the beginning of his sentence. Then Shaka made me smile with his last sentence.

**Thank you**.

That was the only reply I sent Shaka.

Five minutes, no reply. Ten minutes still no reply. There was no reply for half an hour either. After all, what kind of reply would I expect from a message I only read with a thank you?

When I took a shower, the phone rang. One call came in from an anonymous number, but it was already familiar. I've memorized Shaka's cell phone number even though I didn't keep it. He called.

“You are so evil! It's been hard for me to send a long message\-long, yes you just reply thank you? Is there no other word? Or at least you tell me what your dream is. What's cake's story? It's just teri thanks doang. Really not to know!”

I laugh. Almost the sound of my laughter broke the room. Remember that when Mama was home, the sound of laughter was immediately restrained.

“Sorry.” That's all I can answer from Shaka's long chatter.

“So what is your dream?”

“Author. I want to be a writer.”

“Cool dream, there are many famous writers in Indonesia. Even I'm sure you can be a great and successful writer like J.K Rowling, Harry potter's author.”

“Yes, I'll be a great writer like that.”

“Oke, then do not forget to do the writing task of Miss Fitri, tomorrow loh collected.”

“Gosh yes! Thank you for reminding ...” I'm not done talking, phone's disconnected. Then one message came in: **Sial, my pulse ran out again. You should buy a card that one provider with me tomorrow huh. Or at least you have whatsapp cake. At this time you do not have a social media account or chat anything. Trouble others know not**.

Smiling reading Shaka's short message. Then reply briefly with two letters, **ok**. I'm sure there Shaka will jump\-hijak because anger is answered so short. Let it. I rushed to shower.

Now, I know what I want to write for the writing assignment. I've started to imagine how I'll be 10 years from now.

Alinea Ghita in the next 10 years. I have a book in my own name. I can see lines of books with my name on display in the section *best seller* bookstore. A lot of people were asking for my signature. Attend various seminars and talk shows in the world of writing. Everyone, that shadow of a great writer makes my smile crack, like a flower bud just entering time to bloom!

And I hope, 10 years to come, Mama has accepted my dream. Also, I would love it when my first book was born, Papa was present to congratulate me, Mas Nara appeared to give me a gift. Ah, I really\-start making up now!