A UNITY THAT CANNOT BE UNITED

UNITY... (THE FATHER'S PERSONAL VIEW)

Central Buntulia, Bobihu Residence. At 02.45.

I just smiled at my daughter's question. If this is said to be something ever, then I have met Him, on the scale of vision alone.

At first I didn't believe in that kind of thing. Perhaps an urban lifestyle, made me feel alienated from my own spiritual life.

I was born from an environment of people who are skeptical of things that smell supernatural even though such things are close like life in the life of the community. It was that skeptical view that made me grow up as a young man who did not believe in spiritual things. I'm a teenager. That's no doubt. But if you talk about faith, it still feels questionable because generally the shari'at can still be used as a mask.

Shari'at is like an exact science. Definitely and inviolable. If it is not black, it must be white. Grey color does not work on the ground. Conversely, Faith and Sanctity are areas of the mantiq (logic) and sometimes feel gray before the gaze of the human eye.

My spiritual life began at the death of my adoptive mother. His death made me think about leaving immediately, because I no longer had a solid foundation to live in that house anymore. His death made me feel that most of my soul was torn apart.

I've never felt that before. The death of my biological father in 2003, left no feelings, even when they told me the news, not a single tear flowed, just a circle of lips and voice, "Oooo.." just came out. My Spiritual Master, Pak Haji Man once rebuked me and it was curated as the word of a Sufi.

The day after the burial of my father in Tolis (Toli-Toli), Pak Haji Man once asked, do I have no desire to pilgrimage my father?

For me, his passing did not publish any feelings. The natural thing. Maybe this is a personal vendetta because they both left me alone in Gorontalo, since the orok was taken care of by my adoptive mother who incidentally was the oldest sister of my biological mother's family. I call it Mama.

My silence probably published the curiosity of Mr. Haji Man. The old man asked again, "How far does it travel from Kwandang to Toli-Toli?"

"It takes Two Days and Three Nights" I replied lightly.

"How much does the trip cost?" fishing Pak Haji Man.

"I guess.... 64 Thousand Rupiah.😏

Pak Haji Man momentarily nodded and then reached into his back pocket. The man took out a folding wallet and opened it and reached inside and took out a hundred thousand bills from the 1999 prints.

Mr. Haji Man handed the money to me. I don't understand, I ask. "For what money is this, Mr Haji?"

"Go ye on pilgrimage to your father. I helped you on your trip there. Go!" he said with a steady voice. His distinctive sound thundered like a hammer hit that jolted my chest. I grimaced for a moment. My slenge'an nature appears.

I cradled the money and smiled grimly. "Well, Mr. Haji is less." I said.

"Why less?" ask Mr. Haji Man.

"Yes, lesslaaaa... Mr. Haji." I replied, "Pak Haji will only pay for my fare there. How about going home? add it up." I said lightly.

With a calm face (but I'm sure, he kept a deep pique), he took the money again, put it back in his wallet after that.

"If this is how you are forever, you will never meet your parents" he said.

At that time, I thought of the wind. It turned out that his speech was the Word that resulted in karma. My grandmother's death in 2006 added to my family's grief. Following my uncle from next to my grandmother also died in succession until finally the moment came for my adoptive Mother to go to face His Presence.

I'm battered. I'm shaken. I was so shocked, so that at his burial, I was not present, even playing playstation at my friend's house. Andy Divine, my own friend could only shake my head, amazed at my mental depravity.

If it's gone...

that sentence proved true to me. The day after his death, I was really tormented by the loss. Her shadow that sat on the bed was so real in the virtual reality of my mind as I looked up at her sleeping bed. I cried when I saw the bed. Affected by depression caused the family to ask my cousin to migrate me to Marisa, seclude at Pondok Pesantren Hidayatullah. Coincidentally there are also my distant relatives.

My spiritual life began in that Pesantren Cottage. I was completely immersed in the ritual of prayer and dhikr. That's where I first felt the name kasyaf.

What is kasyaf? Imagine how you suddenly understood the whole meaning of the three letters - Alif, Lam and Mim... but it only lasted a fraction of a second. I haven't been able to pick up on the universe's signal.😊

I got married in 2008 through an unexpected event. But I don't have to tell you everything, do I? 😇

My spiritual journey began again with the death of my birth mother. As I told you. Karma occurs through the word spoken through the tongue of my teacher.

Insolent right.....

We always have a road dispute. If I came to town, my mother would have gone back to Toli-Toli. And vice versa. Even my mother seemed not given the opportunity by God just to look at me with her granddaughter. A grandson he never saw until he died. My mother stopped in Marisa and slept there for a day.

Ah, that damn word is really interrupting my life...

His death then awakened me. I didn't forget that day. It was held on Friday, at exactly ten o'clock, a call came in telling me about my real mother's death.

I cried in my wife's lap. My sister asked me if I would visit them? I said, I'll go see them.

To break the chain of curses...

"The road in Paleleh is still under repair. If you don't come, we can understand." said My Sister.

"No!" my toilet. "Whatever happens, I will stay there.I will either be bored to the ravine or boredom to the sea, what is important now for me is to see the grave. That's all I can do."

My sister gave up and just said it. On Saturday I went to Gorontalo City to undergo the CPNS selection exam which will be held at SLTPN 1 Gorontalo City, near Gelora Nani Wartabone on Sunday. Monday, I set off on the northern coast. Many obstacles and position during the safar, I underwent fasting sunnah Monday-Thursday.

O Allah, I know that a person on safar should not fast. However, You know better that this is my first fast of sunnah. If I stop this then I worry, Syaithan managed to tempt me to never live it again. So forgive me for keeping this fast even in a state of safar....

The obstacle I managed to get through, although I had experienced the destruction of my motorcycle chain gear in the border mountains between Monano District and East Sumalata District. Even I broke my fast long after Maghrib was finished because the time was right when my trip was still down the road that split the wilderness.

I arrived at Toli-Toli at 22:00, just where my sister was still not sleeping. I rest and the next day, my brother who lives in Manado, arrives.

I'm going to visit my mother and father's tomb. My tears broke and back I experienced a soul shake. I almost fell to the nadir. I stared at the sky, in my vision I thought God was sitting before me. On the side stood Jibril and Mikail. I began to pray, more precisely in the midst of my tears and snot that flooded from my nostrils.

But you know, I have nothing in this world. I don't have anyone else to help me. I cannot afford to live in the presence of my brothers because I know they also have a need to support their family. I could not even whine in front of my sister, because I knew she also had needs that might be greater than mine. I've only got you. So, please, to You, give me back my fortune that you have withstood because of my sins. Restore my fortune, O God. I really need it.

Kemarin aku mengikuti seleksi CPNS. Aku ajukan nazarku. Jika Engkau jadikan aku PNS, aku rela puasa selama 70 hari dan hanya makan nasi putih serta hal-hal yang berwarna putih saja di 30 terakhir! Engkau bersedia mendukungku, Tuhan*?!

As if gambling, I immediately threw away my joker card. Both! In my vision, I saw as if He were discussing with His two angels.

"How's Jibril?" ask Him.

"Yes my. You know better that Your servant has intended to kill himself. He has made the intention of shaum to finish himself." said Jibril. "It would be nice if you followed his will. Didn't he brag? We can pull our boon if the monkey kid steals us."

"All right! I agree!" the cry of the Lord that immediately kicked the handle on His Throne.

Miracles happen. I who never knew the answers to the questions given, found myself a champion holder of one rank PAI teacher with a value of 350, a narrow difference of 1 point from my second-ranked rival. To be grateful for that, I fasted from January 1 to the end of March.

Later I just found out that the formula of goodness is when we experience a disaster and say the sentence istirja' plus the prayer Allahumma ajjirni fii mushibati wa akhlifli khiran minha, will make everything good without problems.

The formula, when God gives me misfortune, actually He has prepared a better substitute than that. The key is Gratitude and Patience. I once read a story of the Angel Gabriel asking why God had not granted a servant's request.

God just answered it casually...

"I like to hear his voice. I deliberately postponed that he would continue to worship Me. I'm afraid that if I give her a request sooner, she'll never come to Me again and I won't hear her voice that I like..."

Damn it. You are Joking too...

...******...

I looked at my wife and son who were drowning in their sleep. I stared at the clock. Soon into dawn. It seems that I have to go back to seducing him.

The Prophet said, "If you pray, weep, that Allah may be touched and He will grant your prayers..."

Umar bin Khatthab interrupted, "What about me? I'm not good at crying."

The Prophet smiled and replied, "Then pretend to cry..."

...*****...

I just found out. In addition to the Most Lovers, He is also the Most Jealous... Maha Kidding. and Maha Slenge...

And his joking sadist, Bro. makes you almost clumsy no grip... I've experienced it.

A great many....

But. I know, he never left me.

You know why?

For indeed, both of us are a unity in dhat dualism. He is the Infinite, and I am only finite matter.

La. jubbati... Allahs...

Like the song of God 19....

I am this is You

this soul is your soul

this miss is your miss

this body is your body

there is nothing but You that I always adore.

I say Your Name in every breath...

I call Your Name...

with your hands, I hold

with your feet, I walk...

with your eyes, I look

with your ears, I hear

with your tongue, I speak

with your heart, I feel....

Who is hostile to My Guardian, then I declare war on him. There is nothing I love most from a servant except to worship Me with something I have been obliged to do. And if My servant always does the practice of Sunnah, I will love him. If I love him, then (I) be his hearing with which he hears with him, (I) be his vision with which he sees with him, being the hand with which he strikes with him, being the foot with which he walked with it. If he asks Me, I will give, and when he asks for forgiveness, I will forgive him, and if he asks for protection, I will protect him.... (Quds).

Feel like an avatar 🤣🤣🤣....

Unitas... The Extra Namus Nulla Sallus... []