The Wannabe Me

Prologue I'm Just Wannabe Me

Have you ever felt trapped and locked up? Caught up in a life you don't have? And restrained by rules that bind death as a whole over the choices you want to live?

Everything that will happen is set up in such a way that you have no choice but to follow it. The path that must be taken without the need to imagine and predict what it will look like. Everything you do in the past, present and future is arranged in order in a predetermined plot. In fact, you don't have to worry about what tomorrow will be like. All you have to do is accept it inevitably. There's no choice. There is no objection. There can be no rejection. What others say, that is the rule of your life. What other people think, that's what's your cornerstone. And what others give, that is what you eat. Then, now, and forever, you will only be someone who lives on the dreams and hopes of others. Not for yourself. As if - your life is not yours. As if - will you live just to breathe and become a puppet belonging to another. Dolls that at will are played and directed everywhere by the person who moves them. You just need to be quiet and just follow the flow as they expect. You just have to look and see, as they prepare everything for you. You just have to obey all their wills and wait for a reply from them.

I'm talking about myself. Yes, it is true that I am weak and fragile. I always try to escape their clutches. I always missed freedom. But what happened. I was even more trapped in the teeth and fangs of those who bit me without forgiveness. They put me in a very dark cave that only tells of shadows that I myself do not know the real thing. In fact, without giving the slightest gap to escape. It was like a doctrine that I would continue to depend on them. I can only follow the source of light they have created to lead me to their cause. I'm powerless. I can't dream of my own future.

They tied me up and handcuffed me to make me go nowhere. They tried to close all my dreams and hopes so that they didn't look real but just something that didn't mean anything at all. They restricted my life and made me their prisoner.

My present condition is like a bird in a cage. I want to fly freely into space. I want to do everything I want to do. I want to enjoy everything I miss. However, all those hopes were locked completely with me behind the darkness of this cage. It feels tight in here, in this heart of mine. I hope someone is willing to listen for a moment to this groan. Yes, just one. I wouldn't expect more than that. Someone who can get me out of that cage. Freeing me from the prison of illusions they created. Give light to me and let me be his master. I think it's something that might happen, it's just that it's hard to believe even by myself that it's going to be a reality. Really hard to believe. At least I am grateful that hope is still inside me. Not completely disappear and evaporate into space. Although it must be harbored but at least there is still hope for it.

Yes, that hope. I then went back to thinking for a moment. Why wait for others to realize my remaining hope? But does anyone know that hope? I was so stupid I didn't realize it. Is it because of the mirage they created to fool me? Maybe that hope can still be realized. It's just that they always say that it's just an illusion. Not real. There never was. It will never materialize. And I'm starting to realize it now. All I have to do now is escape. I had to escape from the scenario they were scattering for me. I have to try to leave him at any cost. Even though my body should be covered in blood. I don't give a shit. This is my life and I have full rights to the choices I want to make. I want to live by what I say, want and desire. I don't want anyone to bother me. No one can stop me. I will leave everything that was mine for the life I have longed for.

It all started one warm summer night. When I opened the window of my room, something came into my eyes. There was a star in the pitch-black sky, shining very brightly and glisteningly. This star is much brighter than any other star, making me unable to turn away from it.

From that night on, I would climb up my bed and look up at the sky as my little star twinkled just for me. I really like it. I swear I will be like her when I grow up: beautiful, shining, with a brighter light than anything around her. I will be light in my own way. I will be the star of my life. The free star shone as he pleased without hesitation and dismay. A star full of confidence.

I will welcome this vast world with all my soul and body. I will sow the seeds of ambition that was once hidden first and now I will share openly. I will do it all with pleasure. I will be determined in my heart. I will show you who I really am until everyone who has strangled me before can only be overwhelmed in disappointment and failure. I will keep their eyes wide open that not forever this life can always be they bridle. There comes a time when they start to realize that what they did was wrong and start to regret it. That way, little by little I will achieve my original vision that I have always longed for, my sweet life. Yes, I will always be waiting for him. I'm sure it will happen in my life sooner or later. Of course I will try until the last second left of my life.

"I was born to be who I am, not to be perfect. I just want to be me and just me."

-- Vanetta Cerelia (15 years old)---