The Desired Substitute

LONGS

Raya turned the other sheet.

November, 1997

It was like being visited by the angel Izroil, when he saw the results.

I am guilty, I am guilty. He does not, something that is growing in my womb is very holy.

This sin is more and more piled up when I eliminate it.

Still on the same sheet, Raya saw a sketch of the face of a woman who was smiling but her eyes released water.

Swipe the face of the sketch. When he touched it, Raya's heart felt pinched. Be ill. Not wanting to linger, Raya also opened sheet after sheet of notebooks belonging to women who have conceived and given birth to them. Until it arrived at the sheet where Raya read it while biting her lower lip to muffle her crying voice.

February, 1997

God, the first time I felt it. Although not too strong yet, but the throbbing was very felt.

That's when I fell in love with him. Falling in love before seeing her. Falling in love before hearing her voice.

Grow and grow well Son, dear Umi you are ️.

Raya very understand, how much the mother's love for her child. Even when the child has not been born into the world, the sense of it has grown fruitfully.

He has also felt that. However, the difference when love is present along with a sense of loss.

Feeling his stomach, he did not expect much. All he wants, hopefully one day he can feel a kick from his stomach, see his stomach grow bigger, hear the first cry when his son was born, and if possible he hopes there is someone he loves, accompany her from the beginning of pregnancy to childbirth, and together care for and encourage their children.

He also looked at Juna who was sleeping soundly. He did not want to experience something similar to his ummah.

He knows, being uminya is not easy. Must continue to live with an enlarged stomach without a husband at his side. They had to flee to a village far from their relatives. And certainly struggling to give birth and breastfeeding with inner upheaval.

The Kingdom opens again sheet by sheet which almost all of its contents explain the pride and love of Arini to the child who is crying in it.

As he was about to open the next sheet again, he felt that someone was hugging him from behind. Raya immediately knew the answer when she saw the burly hand that was coiled in her stomach.

"Why not sleep?" asked Juna with a hoarse voice.

Raya quickly wiped away the remaining tears that were still flowing and then closed the black book.

"This, want to sleep," replied Raya while turning her body so that with a heavy heart Juna released her embrace.

"You're crying?" asked Juna when he saw the two eyes of Raya that were still swollen.

Raya nodded. "So, I tried to open Umi's diary. Instead of being able to treat this longing, it even makes me more homesick and want to meet him even in a dream," said Raya while trying to smile at Juna.

Juna held the head of Raya. Kissed his wife's long hair.

"God willing, Umi is calm there. The most important thing is never to break up praying for it. So that we may meet together in His Jannah."

Juna spoke like that, trying to calm his wife. But what happened was precisely the tears that had stopped it flowed back on the smooth cheeks of Kingdom.

***

The next day, Raya and Juna pay a visit to Mira and Budi's house. Raya wants to see the state of her parents and also ask for the continuation of her brother's search.

When he arrived there, Bima who was the manager of his brother was there.

"Assalamu'alaikum." Greetings when entering the home of his parents.

"Wa'alaikumsalam" answered the mother from the kitchen.

"Himself Baby?" mira asked when she did not see Juna's whereabouts.

"Bareng Mas Juna, Bun. Now again chat in front of the same Bang Bima," replied Raya.

"Alhamdulillah as Mother sees."

"Alhamdulillah."

"Which father?"

"Dad is going to the police station to make a report" Mira replied with a sad look.

"Said Papah's friend, last Mbak April is at Pasar Senen station. Has Mommy contacted Om Panji to ask where Mbak April is?"

Mira nodded. "It was, but April wasn't there. I don't know where your mom is now. Where she was pregnant, she slept where, can she eat. Mommy just hope that no bad people take advantage of her," said Mira who returned her eyes glazed.

Mira patted her chest which hurt when remembering where her eldest son was.

Raya immediately hugged Mira. Trying to say things that can make Mira calm down again.

"Mother" Juna said as he approached the two women who were hugging.

Mira immediately let go of her embrace and wiped away her tears that just kept flowing. He tried to give his best smile to the son-in-law when Juna shook his hand.

"Juna equally Bima want to try to search in the settlements around Senen, because according to Bima, April does not bring anything including ID cards, even a penny does not," said Juna.

"Yes right Aunt. So it is very unlikely if April goes out of town on a train," added Bima.

"But April was wearing a necklace given by Mother" said Mira.

"The jar was already given to the clinic as payment as he tried to abort his womb" Juna said.

"What?! So April ...."

Mira's face immediately paled upon hearing the fact that came out of Juna's mouth.

"Swimming, Bun. April still has a conscience. So, he undoes his intention," said Raya trying to calm Mira.

"Take Mother to the room. The same Bima departs now."

Raya also obeyed what Juna said. After Juna and Bima said goodbye, Raya immediately brought Mira to the room to rest.

Raya helps Mira to lie down on the mattress, then she pulls the blanket up to the limit of the stomach.

"Now Mother rest yes, Raya accompany. We hand over the matter of searching Mbak April to Mas Juna and Bang Bima. Let's help with prayer from here."

Mira nodded then grabbed Raya's hand.

"Sleep next to Mother Nak. Mother Kangen wants to hug Mother's daughter. We haven't slept together since you got married."

Without delaying, Raya immediately went up to the bed and lay down beside Mira. Entering into the warm embrace of a mother. Feels peaceful.

Eventually the longing during this time can be treated. Raya imagines as if she is being hugged by two women she cares for. He imagined that Mother and Uminya were holding him tightly.

Being in the arms of the mother, makes Raya become as if she is being protected. May forever be like this. He also loved his brother very much. Hopefully April can be found and things will be fine.

Not felt, a sense of warmth and comfort that led him to dreamland.

"Umi, Raya misses."

TB

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