The Children's Story 17

He has gone

"Keep in..." I'm making a sound again. My voice sounded raucous and hissing. Oh my God, why am I being like this?

"Nani, you..." I don't know what to say. Tears spread out, as if racing to get out of my eyes. It feels hot and stifling to the chest. As I clasped the girl's cold hand, there was a strange sense that infiltrated my soul.

"Nani.do not.." again only a piece of it my words were able to come out. Then I turned, "Tante...Nani.." I said as if I wanted to tell Nani's situation to the calm-looking woman behind me. 

"Miss," I suddenly heard Aunt Winda talking, "fried rice you gave me..."

DUG!! My heart stopped like a moment. That fried rice.Holy God! I have.I have been...

I shook my head hard. My steps receded. I retreated in grief and ran like I was being chased by sin.

"Miss, wait!"

I still hear Aunt Winda, Santoso, even Gunadi calling my name. But I don't care. All I know is that I killed Nani. What I thought at the time was that I was so sinful that it caused my own best friend to die. 

Lordy! Wh why? Why did you let me obey Nani's request if it turned out to be the way for you to take his life? why me, God? Wh why? Why did you let me do it to my dearest friend, God? Whyyy?? I'm panicking. I'm fucked. I screamed hysterically like a madman while running along the hospital corridor.

"JUSTYAAAAAAAKKKKKK.....!!!!!"

***

Slowly my eyes opened. Faintly, I saw a white ceiling. As my gaze shifted, I saw many people surrounding me. I realized I was lying on the bed. There was my father, mother, two brothers, the children of the mother's boarding house, Gunadi, and Nani's parents. They look weird. I thought, what happened? Why can everyone gather and look at me like I'm a sad spectacle. What the hell is it? The last thing I remember is that I was driving a cab, and then suddenly my vision went dark...

"Alhamdulillah. I'm glad you're finally awake, son. It's been over three hours you've been unconscious." I heard my father's voice soft and comfortable. "We're all worried, Miss."

I was still silent and confused about my situation. I don't even know where I'm at.

"Miss, we'll be out for a while, yeah. Because Aunt Willa wants to talk to you in private. But we'll be with you soon. You should listen to him, baby? " Mom kissed my forehead.

No, not really! I didn't answer anything because I wasn't struggling. I saw everyone get out of the way except Nani's mom.

Nani?! Nani...???

"Miss.." suddenly the sound of Aunt Willa broke my mind. "Tante knows you're devastated by Nani's passing. As a parent, aunty is also very sad. But you should not blame yourself. There's nothing wrong. You should know, it's been a month ago we knew Nani's age limit according to doctor's diagnosis. Actually Nani is not suffering from thyfus disease that you have known. It was just Nani's request that you not worry about her. The truth is blood cancer.nani has been sensing the dangerous disease as early as a year ago. So.actually we have been sincere no matter what happens to Nani. Even if God takes his life, we're ready to let him go..."

Blood cancer? I'm shaking. Back my tears spread violently, flooding my eyes. My eyes clouded and I wanted to catch up with Nani.

"About the fried rice you gave, it is not at all the cause of Nani's departure. Precisely what you want to convey when in Nani's room is a very deep aunt's gratitude. What you have done, it turns out to have made Nani happy. Didn't you see Nani smiling back then?"

"What you've done, turns out to be best for Nani. Well, if time can turn back, it feels aunty wants to obey whatever Nani wants. Not just fried rice. Believe Miss. You were his best friend until the end of his life."

I nodded while whimpering.

"And when you hear bad things about Nani, forgive me. There are things we don't need to know about other people, even if he's our own best friend, right?"

Once again I nodded. 

Aunt Winda smiled, "Ohya, this is the letter we found under Nani's pillow. To you." the woman gave me a letter before kissing my forehead and coming out.

I couldn't read Nani's letter back then. Because my body is completely powerless. But after the morning came, I felt my condition began to improve and I was able to move my body again. With trembling hands and a thumping chest, I opened the letter that Nani had secretly written to me.

"My best friend, my dear Miss Jennyta." the first sentence Nani wrote in her letter. My heart beats hard to see the writing. It's very different from the handwriting I've known. It was so beautiful and reminded me of something, but I forgot...

"I'm sorry I left too soon and didn't tell you. You're too good to know my bad medical history. Moreover, I love you very much and do not want the days that I spend with you filled with sadness. I want to be happy with you. That's why I hid the limits of my age on you. And then when I saw you getting interested in someone, I was sure you must have fallen in love. It just so happens that you tell me that you admire Gunadi, our class president. I want to see you happy, Miss. I did whatever I could, but it turned out to be the wrong way. I'm the one who sent you that valentaine card. I purposely wrote Gunadi's name, so that you're happy. But it turned out to be reversed, and you were disappointed. At that time, I was very disappointed and very sorry, Non. Really am!

I complained. Nani's...

"I really don't think about the effect it has on you. If only I knew Gunadi didn't show the same feelings you did. Really am. I'm sorry, aren't I? I was too willing to play with your heart. I only meant well. In fact, is not just Gunadi a man on the face of this earth huh? My actions are really outrageous, aren't they? And I deserve to die for it.

"Dani! No.." I said crying.

"Miss, I'm so grateful for the fried rice you gave me. It was delicious and I was very happy to enjoy it. You certainly still remember our big ideals when eating in Joglo, right? Do not forget, realize our ideals with or without me.

I gulped as I swept away the tears. I remember, Nani! kelu whiskey. I remember that time we were determined to open a restaurant that specifically provides fried rice with the taste of the entire archipelago. If you need the whole world. 

"It's got to be our obsession, ok?" nani's voice returned to my mind

"Miss, I'll go first. Take good care of yourself. Be an engineer who will build our country for the better. Good bye, Miss. I will always watch over you from the sky.heheheh. From the friend who always loved you. Nani."

I sat down, and stared at the red earth of Nani's grave above the black sky. "Good way, Nan. I also love you so much and will never forget you." I said darkly. The foggy, cloudy morning air that hung over, made me fixated. "Good Valentine."

A touch on my shoulder made me look. Gunadi.

"Let's go home, Non. It's going to rain, you're going to get sick" he said, grabbing my hand.

I'm nodding. Both with Gunadi, I'll start going through my days without Nani. But all will not be the same, even though love is now in my hands.