SUBSTITUTE LOVE

chapter 21

When his hand held the door handle, his heart voice again swayed in his chest. That vague feeling re-emerged making him hesitate to enter the room. Being with strangers in one room makes it very awkward every day.

Kreekk. Bisma sat quietly while looking down at her sister's photo. There are no words that you can say every time she sees the man who became her husband in such a state. Bhishma looks hard from the outside but several times Andini found him in a sad state even he often let out tears.

"How does it feel to have a complete and happy family?" Bisma said without looking. Andini stopped right behind Bisma.

"You asked me, sir?" Innocently Andini asked back to Bhishma.

"That's it, you won't understand my feelings." Sahut Bisma, he put back a picture of Bima on the table. Some of their childhood photos are on the table.

"My family has never been as happy as you think. We are not from people who are, so sometimes economic problems make us unhappy. What we get in the world sometimes doesn't suit us, but I was taught by my parents to always be grateful for what we have now." Andini then sat in the corner of the bed.

"Alex seems to like you, do you feel the same way about him?" Bhishma still did not turn her head to just rest on her feet with both hands she piled on her knees.

"I don't like it sir."

"Why? Not that you guys look so familiar." Bisma asked again.

"I'll limit myself to meeting Alex if you don't like him sir." Reply Andini.

"Do you like me?" The words of Bhishma this time were able to make Andini glare behind Bhishma. Andini chose to silence with the question of Bhishma this time.

"Why don't you like me? It's not that many women want to be my wife while you're not interested in me at all. I have everything aren't you interested in all this luxury?" Andini did not answer but Bisma kept asking.

"You misunderstood the woman sir. Not all such women marry men just because of their wealth. I want to be happy with love, I look for someone who can be my priest and lead me to a better path. Even if I haven't used the hijab yet but I'll try to do better in the future." Andini.

Bhishma fell silent and stood up from her seat.

"I'm sorry I asked so much. You don't have to cook for me because tonight I'm going to eat out with my friends." Turn around and walk out of the room.

Andini sighed as Bhishma came out from inside her room.

"I'd go crazy if this kept happening. Why is he always like that, sometimes he's good sometimes he's so cold to me. What does he think I am? Does he not think of my feelings being confined in this house and I have no one in this town to visit." Andini said out loud, as if to rebel with the attitude of Bhishma.

The door opened again and Bhishma stood in front of the door staring at him. "You want to come with me?"

"Huh? No sir. I'll keep bi Marni until the new ART comes to this house. Didn't you say there would be ART coming to this house?" Andini stammered as she spoke. This time he was caught cursing Bisma.

"Other times if you want to go you don't need my mama behind. How hard would it be if you told me you wanted to come with me." Sahut Bisma then closed the door again.

***

The next day Andini woke up earlier than usual to find Bisma back asleep on the sofa in their room.

"How can I fall in love with you if your attitude is that cold to me. How can I fall in love with you if you never want to be my priest, how can I fall in love with you if you only care about yourself. Is it worth asking if I like you or not?" Andini stood beside Bhishma who was still fast asleep.

After the completion of the prayer Andini headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. While in the kitchen bi Marni was standing while explaining to two new domestic assistants. Andini smiled towards those who looked still the same age as her. It's still very dark out there but they're already gathered in the kitchen.

"Oh non Dini is awake? This is Lili and Siska the new assistant in the house. They arrived last night when Non-Dini was asleep." Bi Marni.

"Bi Marni can rest after that let me explain to them all the work in this house." Said Andini.

"Sorry non, Mr. Bhishma says you don't have to help in the kitchen. You only need to prepare the clothes of the Lord of Bhishma before leaving for the office." Reply bi Marni.

"really? All right, I'm back in bi's room." Sahut Andini's.

When Andini opened the door she found Bisma praying at dawn. He was a little surprised because ever since he set foot in that house he never once saw Bhishma pray. Andini was still standing behind Bhishma until she finished praying. When she finished, Bhishma stood up and thrust her hand out so that Andini would kiss the back of her hand. Andini did not budge just standing pensive until Bhishma himself who put the back of his hand on Andini's lips.

"Why is your face like that? Is this not what you want? You want me to be your priest, right?" Bisma was still smiling looking at Andini's expression.

"Huh yeah?" Frowning Andini was again astonished by the words of Bhishma.

Bhishma was still smiling while Andini was standing like a fool with a face of disbelief in what Bhishma was doing. During their marriage Andini always change clothes in the bathroom and Bhishma always undress in front of Andini without caring about Andini who always throw her face if Bhishma does that.

"We're going to the office together this morning."

"Good sir." Answer Andini.

"When are you going to call me husband, mother or darling?" Bhishma lay in bed while Andini was busy preparing Bhishma's clothes. Andini was still silent with all the questions of Bhishma which she thought were not her deaconess.

"Well, if you're not ready, I'll wait for you to call me your beloved." Tymphal Bisma.

"I'm just not used to it, sir, I'm sorry for having to be formal with you. You're always cold to me whether it's at the office or at home. Your attitude always scares me when I'm around you."

"I'm sorry I haven't announced our marriage to all the employees in the office." Reply Bisma.

"Oh that's not what I meant, sir." Said Andini. "Why did he get it wrong? Does he think I'm acting formal out of anger at our hidden marriage." Inner Andini.