Still Loving Ex
Episode 3: Roger's Regret
The POV Roger
Eyes feel heavy and body feels tired, looking to the left, was surprised because there is Lisa who slept soundly. Gathering memories before, there were actions that should not have been done. Lisa, it's also enough for you to stir up the desire, I don't feel guilty to fuck her because it's her will. Perhaps, in a way like this could make forgetting Nala, inexplicably feeling regret towards her, feel like this deed betrayed her.
My memory recalls her, the love I had was so great for her, even her departure made me fragile. Three years is not a short time, the events that are experienced are not simple, when he can choose with a great man, he chose me who has nothing, join the process, he said, from unemployment to getting a job in one of the SOEs, even he was willing to lend and sell his jewelry for training. Seemed sad when I had to go away from him because of the work placement, he who was in college, trying to support and not depend on me.
When his friends can enjoy Sunday night, can be any time with his girlfriend, even a girlfriend who is willing to help, then I can only know the circumstances, as long as he remains loyal to me. I feel lucky to have a partner like Nala, not demanding things, she is very understanding. He was able to shine with his own efforts, very proud yet humble. Remembering the difficult times, paying for food alone must use the money, of course my self-esteem feels low.
"One day, you'll shine, you can give me so much more." He said with a smile.
"I'll change ya." Say steady.
"No need for everything, later if it has shone remain humble and share to the more needy yes, it makes me happy."
I have no tears in my eyes, remembering the last year before parting, the dilemma of keeping it or replacing it with another woman. One side loves her very much, the other side needs attention in action, Lisa gives it, the thing I can't get from Nala when I have to be far away. I asked her to get married so she could be brought to the region, but she refused because of her parents' message not to get married before graduating from college, Nala is a devoted child to her parents, I learned a lot about it.
It was hard to let go, so I deliberately looked for problems with him, accusing various kinds, so that there were various arguments, even verbal abuse. At first Nala did not bother about this, she always thought positively, but in the end gave up. The thing that I wanted, we parted not because I decided it, so that it could make me feel like a victim. I've shone, getting a replacement is very easy, the one before he left is already no backup.
Everything was as planned, I was proud to show a lot of people, somehow the more days my heart was not calm, my mind was filled with it. What is there now does not make happy, there feels less, every day is full of regrets, but embarrassed to say hello and apologize. It makes the body drop and must be treated in the hospital, Lisa who faithfully accompanied, in a state that guilt increasingly becomes. If Nala is still with me, she must be very worried, to entertain herself then consider Lisa as Nala. People see me with Lisa, not with a heart that stays with Nala.
There is a point where getting used to the life that is lived, the physical aspect with Lisa, the aspect of the heart remains for Nala. Lisa suddenly asked for Nala's phone number, she said she wanted to ascertain whether there was a taste or not, it seemed like Lisa realized that my heart was still for Nala. Without the weight of my heart to give, the number is still stored with the name "My Love", Lisa's face looks not like it, but no need to care, the risk of choosing me as a partner.
When Lisa called Nala, I overheard their conversation, Nala was so elegant in this kind of situation, I knew how hard it was to endure disappointment. Nala, remains meek because it is visible from Lisa's facial expression that remains calm without being ignited by emotion. There is no denying jealousy what his face looks like, but just pretend not to know. Unexpectedly Lisa gave me a chance to talk to Nala, initially refusing to be ashamed of my behavior, but I missed her, wanting to hear her last voice before I could no longer hear her voice, because they are on their own path.
"You must take responsibility until the end of your choice, don't hurt him." Nala said after the previous casual chat.
"You still love me?" My question kept him quiet for a moment.
"No, even if it is, I will never want to come back with you, please don't hurt him!" Reply steady.
"I know what you look like, Nala" I said softly
Lisa seemed unable to hold back her jealousy and I had run out of words to speak to Nala, so the conversation was returned to Lisa. I don't know what I'm talking about next I don't care about it, the point is my miss has been treated. Looks like their conversation is over.
"Are you satisfied, Lisa?" I said before leaving him.
The rice had already become pureed, everything that had happened could not be repaired. I can only make up for it, I will fulfill Nala's wish. I make sure I will be responsible until the end, I will make sure not to hurt Lisa, but Nala remains in my heart, I will hurt Lisa if she dares to disturb Nala's life and dares to tell me to forget Nala. Love for Nala will never be extinguished, if it can repeat the time of things, the desired thing remains with Nala until the end of life.
Behind her silence all this time there must be a very deep pain, Nala must hide it from many people, looks strong even though it is fragile. This breakup actually hurt each other, but not being able to be together, Nala did not want any woman other than her that I was scaiting, even though that woman had hurt her. That's how Nala loves me, all my life will always love Nala even though she can't be together. Every day I pray for him to have a good man, who can make him happy, hopefully Nala can forget me forever. I was once the most beautiful, in my time, now no longer the most beautiful but a disgusting trash man, who could hurt a good woman.
Nala, I hope to see you in the future in a happy state. I miss you, love you.
***
"Yangggg, let's go get some clothes."
"And you told my mama you wanted to sleep."
"You should also meet me with your parents"
Lisa's nagging made me so upset, wanting to silence her mouth so much, did she not feel guilty for Nala? I just nodded my head as a sign of approval, a look of happiness on his face, a pampered twitch on my shoulders, I knew this was a sign he was asking me to have fun.
"Which hotel did you book?" I'm firm.
"Not a message yet, love the message!" Spoiled answer.
"Just hire, be lazy at the hotel, you'll drive, I'll hide" I gave you a crazy idea.
"Well, I'll make you forget about Nala!" He said arrogantly.
"Don't say his name!" My clasping made him quiet in fear.
"I'm sorry, yang!"
"ok, I'm sorry"
