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Chapters. 3. Return to Work or Resign

No one has ever told me how hard it is to be a mother. Even my mother never told me.

No one used to tell me how much giving birth hurts. The pain comes repeatedly. Heals soon sick again until it can give birth at the risk of life.

No one told me that breastfeeding is painful and exhausting. If I am not diligent in eating nutritious food later the milk is not much. Sleep time is reduced and irregular.

Yes, even though I said I was ready to face the circumstances that would happen, I still felt afraid.

I'm afraid I'm going to fail through labor to see you. Though I have read various guidebooks, various theories have been memorized, still I feel these two hands sweating coldly when I will soon meet you.

Don't think that your mother doesn't dare to face pain. Your mother was a runner, basketball player and mountaineer. Many thorns, cross-section barriers blocked out the ones I found. All this time despite the difficulties faced, but your mother will try to stand up again and successfully walk to the destination.

But as you began to appear in my womb everything changed. My adventures, my activities, my life stories are all centered on you.

My mom used to say this" So a mother is the happiest thing. You will be the birth canal for other humans and at the same time you are responsible for forming humans so good. That's why the responsibility is so great. So a mother does not just give birth and raise a child, but more than that. You will feel it for yourself." My mama's advice was briefly very confusing instead of calming. What does that mean?.

Ah ! that was later, the important thing is now facing pregnancy plus the tremendous fear of childbirth. The fear of extreme pain during childbirth became the main part of my brain towards the final days of labor.

After nine months the baby was in my stomach, wherever I went was always with him, a mature age and ready to be born.

Many of the tips and advice given in my opinion are very helpful and encouraging. But there are also sentences that make me less confident and frustrating.

Right now my main focus is to welcome the birth of my baby, which we call Rafiq Hamzah.

Everything still feels foreign to me. The body feels pain, pain and aches. Not to mention having to suckle him. The struggle to give ASI to Rafiq, really this is not easy for me.

The first day after giving birth my water came out only a little. The second day I ate foods that could trigger milk.

Seeing my water coming out just a little frustrating. The advice my family gave me for worrying about me became a burden to me, making me less confident. I cried sobbing watching my son drink his breast can only be a little. Seen from the restless gestures of his body, his mouth was looking to and fro because he was still hungry.

Then, I remember that ASI can be produced smoothly if the mother is calm and confident.

Remembering about the workings of ASI production, I tried to be calm, my mind became more logical not easy emotion. Uh, it turns out that after that my milk became swift, giving ASI to my son became more smoothly. The baby blues I experienced after giving birth disappeared.

Before becoming a mother, I was among those who questioned, and sometimes even sneered at the decision of some women to resign from their office jobs, especially when their positions were high and salaries ... no need to ask again.

I think it is very illogical to leave all the comforts for the sake of taking care of children.

Not a large salary can be used to pay a baby sitter. Who do mothers work for anyway? If not for the child. A mother who resigns or resigns from her job to me is very unreasonable.

In theory I was right.

Since getting two lines on my test pack my principles changed, my top priorities changed.

I take seriously all advice from experienced parents, om-tante, and other family members: eat nutritious food, lots of rest and lots of laughs because a happy mommy makes a happy babby'.

From the three pieces of advice that always ringing in my head that I have to rest a lot makes me start to want to break work start to focus on taking care of children. There was one thing that flashed in my head only a heartless madman left this cute baby at home to work.

I don't think I've been home for a month. Every day for 24 hours I was on the little guy's side. I don't know when the sun rises, when the sun goes down. The clothes I was wearing were only comfortable front-pointed negligee. Because the negligee is such a model that is comfortable to wear, for sleep-sleeping especially memyusui.

One night, my husband suddenly said, "You seem to need to go out and refresh".

"Your eyes are pale and your eyes are panda eyes due to lack of sleep and lack of sunlight. Your clothes smell like telon oil" he said.

"Who will take care of Rafiq if I leave the house?"

" If he is hungry thirsty want ASI, who would love him?" answer the objection separated from the little one. I went to the stall near the house not long ago already missed, sad, not at home. Especially going a little far away which will certainly be long . I can't bear to leave the old little guy.

"Rafiq, we can take the same mother. We stopped by Mom for a minute. We just went for a walk" said Tomy. My in-laws' house is only a few meters from here. We walked for ten minutes.

"Where are we going?" my many.

"Where do you want. Do you want to visit somewhere?" asked Tomy.

Then I remembered my friend Susan's wedding invitation. " We're going to Susan's wedding on Sunday tomorrow" I replied.

Although I felt unbearable, I finally entrusted my little one to my mother-in-law. I also strengthen my heart and say goodbye to Rafiq. "Son, we're going out for a minute."

As if he understood we wanted to leave, after saying goodbye Rafiq immediately cried loudly.

"No ma, Rafiq doesn't want to be left behind" I told the in-laws.

"That's what you want to do that you don't want to leave Rafiq, don't need the drama to go there". We're getting used to going for a while.

My maternity leave is over, I don't want to start working. I started working leaving my son under the care of a baby sitter and my mother-in-law.

Although it seems ordinary. But in my heart it churned as if refusing to leave Rafiq far away from me. I don't want to miss my son's growth.

One night my son's body had such a high fever that we took him to the hospital. Rafiq was treated for three days and was declared cured and was able to go home.

Rafiq's return made me decide to resign from the office. I want to focus on taking care of my son. I don't want to be the regret of abandoning my son.