She's my Beloved

1. 'Redy'

I feel like my life is coming to an end. The various thorny problems I have been facing lately make me think, what exactly is God planning for me?

It all started with my father's death forever.

Then following a series of other problems, and the last one, 3 hours ago I was just fired from my job.

Just imagine how ruined my life is right now.

I live alone in Jakarta, relying only on a monthly salary that is not even enough to cover all my mandatory expenses every month.

And now, I'm fired?

The only thing I want to do now is ‘end my life’.

I'm tired of God.

I can't stand it.

Your departure alone has been the biggest blow to me, and everything seems not to stop.

Trouble continues to befall me. Does this mean my life has to end?

Because I've already admitted defeat. I'd like to stop here.

I want to die.

Lord, forgive me my sins. Let me meet my father.

I watched the water flow from under the bridge I was standing on.

I really hope that after jumping from up here, I can die right away.

Mak . .Ii'm sorry.

My body floated in the air before finally falling down and drifting into the river.

I cried imagining the faces of the people I loved.

Mamak, brother, adek.

Goodby.

***

If I am happy or sad, I will come into your arms.

And now I see Father.

 “Pak, I passed Bidikmisi. I can go to college sir!!!”

“Pak, next week I have to go to Jakarta. I got accepted to work there.”

“Pak, I sent my first salary to my father's account. Try checking yes sir.”

“Sir, what's your pain?”

“Should be cured yes, sir.”

“Paaaakkkkk,, why did you leave. Build Pakkkk?”

.

.

“Lately your work nothing has been sorted out.”

“You are still working intention not heh.”

“Lisa, sorry, but this is already a decision from boss.”

“You're fired.”

Fire..fired..pecat....

“Available.”

Hc!! Where'sisthis? why would I be here?

Wasn't I dead?

“Drink first.” This stranger offered me a glass of drink.

Despite the fear of hesitating, I took it and drank it straight away.

Ahh.legend.

But who is he? And why am I here?

“How? Is it better?” the stranger asked again. And I just nodded.

“Thank God. I thought you wouldn't survive.”

The man smiled looking at my surprised face.

“You have been unconscious for five days.”

“Your body is full of wounds.”

Full wound? Why would I get hurt? Didn't I jump into the river?

“You carried the current all the way to this village.”

This fellow? Can he read someone's mind?

Going home? Home where? I have no purpose. My boarding mom won't let me stay at her house anymore.

“Don't mind too much first. Rest lah.”

“There will soon be a drop off of food for you.”

I looked around me. If my guess is not wrong, I must be in a clinic or health center right now.

I grimaced because just moving a little bit it hurt so much. Am I really hurt? But why is it so bad and painful?

The man said, I have been unconscious for five days. Good Lord!

“Aware?” someone's back in. But this wasn't the guy from before.

“I..iya.” I just realized that my voice is hoarse. My throat is itchy and sore.

“Sykurlah. Now you eat first.”

“Need in bribe?”

I immediately shook my head.

Even though all my body feels sore and sore, I still want to know myself. Not bothering people I don't even know.

“No. It is my duty to serve patients.”

Is she a nurse. Why is he dressed so normally?

“Come to eat. Your hands are still stiff. You can have trouble eating alone.”

I finally gave up. That man fed me painstakingly.

“Who is your name?”

“Lisa.”

The guy nodded.

“You're lucky to still be safe. We thought you would give up.” The guy smiled. “It turns out you're a strong person.”

I want to cry hearing that word. If only he knew, the reason why I could get carried away was because I jumped into the river.

I wanted to kill myself because I gave up.

I'm not strong

I'm weak

And should I be happy now.

Because it still survived.

Or just disappointed?

Because I'm still alive?

I don't know.

***

Two weeks passed, they took very good care of me. I have no idea who they are.

And why they helped and saved my life.

They just answered with a smile when I asked.

Bizarrely.

If only I hadn't seen some of the other patients that were also treated here, I might have thought that I was lost in another world.

And now my condition has improved. My body is healthy again as it was. And now the question is,

After I recover, where should I go?

What am I gonna do?

And with what do I have to pay for treatment at this clinic?

I have absolutely no money.

The bag containing my wallet and identity had even been lost when I jumped into the river.

I'm back in a daze. I'm disappointed, why don't I just die.

My life is more ruined than ever.