Secrets & Prejudice = Keep it secret, you will hurt

twenty-five. declaration of love (end)

The next day Ananta really came. He approached me on his father's motorcycle. Looks a little exaggerated, indeed he wants to take me where the hell.

"Hi, Alana." greeted Ananta nervously. Already, I'm amused to see her acting so sweet.

"Hi, tumben." I said briefly. I can't hide my smile.

"mother, I left first with Ananta" I shouted a little loudly. Mother did not approach me in front, only answering in a faint voice from the kitchen.

"be careful" he replied. That is, if I told you to go with Ananta, I wouldn't ask you much. Different if it goes with someone else. Maybe he'll interview the guy first before letting me go.

"ready ready?" asked Ananta when I had climbed on the rather classic motorcycle. Funny, I love riding it.

"get ready" I replied briefly.

Along the way I was very happy, Ananta took me to places I like. Cake shops, malls, and many other crowded places. But throughout the trip I was a little uncomfortable. Only I feel happy. While Ananta just smiled thinly as he followed me everywhere. Followed like a bodyguard ready to standby to take me anywhere. But, where's the point. He's not as happy as I am if this is the case.

Arriving at the cake shop I was a little upset. It feels like he's just forcing himself to please me right now.

"why come here?" I asked when we finally relaxed eating cake little by little. The cake doesn't even look like a match for Ananta.

"you like it here" he said. Then why if I like it, he doesn't like it.

"you brought him here" he said softly, I couldn't hear him clearly so I thought he said so.

"huh, how?" my question asked him to clarify his sentence just now.I'm still not sure.

"no. later. We're still going somewhere else" he said, avoiding my questions. Yeah, I ate my cake a little faster. I've got a lot of photos so I wouldn't regret it too much if Ananta asked me to leave.

"let's go again" he said when we reached the mall parking lot. This is why he is in such a hurry.

"okay" said I who just obediently sat behind him once more. This time he took me to that place again. A place with many childhood memories as well as painful memories. I don't know what kind of memories I'm going to make this time, because I'm coming with Ananta now.

The place changed a little in these four months. Now there are several wooden gazebos installed around it. There were some photo spots as well, even that once almost fragile little Bridge now looked sturdy and very beautiful.like me, she had also changed... Ananta... has he changed too?

"it feels like there are a lot of unspeakable things between us. Most are misunderstood and end up hurting each other." said Ananta in the middle of a quiet atmosphere.

"this time, I want to be honest about everything about us Alana" he continued.

"what's wrong with us" I asked. Even though I realized, I shouldn't pretend I don't know anymore right now. I used to expect this ridiculous thing to happen. Serious conversation with Ananta.

"I think of her as my own mother. The one I never had again since I was very young. So when she left, I felt like I was losing my mother figure once again. But I'm happy, he went to find his own happiness" Ananta continued. Obviously, I was drowning in misunderstandings from the start.

"i've always felt that my life and I were in a mess. To the extent that I don't want to drag others into my miserable life. I want to fix my life before accepting someone else. In my heart, I always have someone. Someone whose smile makes me happy in a simple way. I don't want to drag him into the wounds I've been through. But still, he's hurt a lot because of me. He even ended up having to part with his own best friend, again because of me" he said at length. Wait, why the more I get here I feel more familiar.

"in the beginning I wanted to hold myself back, until the moment someone else came. I can't hold it anymore. I want to say that even though maybe he will reject me after being injured so many times" he said. I don't understand any of them. Can I just talk plainly?

"about who" I murmured. But then I saw Ananta smiling while looking at me. He must have heard it.

"you" he said again. I refused to believe my ears heard it. I really don't hear wrong now. Ananta seems unlikely to say that. Me? what did he mean in that long sentence was me? I thought this was a confiding session about someone else again. But if it's about me, I'm confused to be happy or sad right now.

Maybe I'll be too happy to cry.

"uhm. So we're gonna be honest now?" I said try to change the mood so as not to be too serious. Ananta is too bad at conveying feelings.

"i. I just think of Diki as a friend" I said. Ananta must have known that. I thought the response would be normal. But what I'm seeing now, he's smiling so wide, that I think it's really creepy.

"one more." I'm a little nervous this time. He'll probably be very angry with me afterwards.

"i sent a complaint to the school committee about you and Shinta" I said softly, closing my eyes. I was afraid to see Ananta's response.

"hmm, I know." Contrary to his previous response, he was just ordinary. I opened my eyes again due to an unexpected response.

"the photo is very good.we should have taken the photo together that night" he said with eyes looking at the calm lake water. He didn't look at me at all. But he kept smiling until it irritated me.

"since when?" I was very curious.

"the day before you send it? I forgot." he replied casually.

"why not say?" I shouted a bit loudly, I still realized I was in a public place. let alone this place being a little more crowded since it was completed. He only chuckled as I had refrained from grabbing it since.

Wait, so he was voluntarily punished, but he knew I was reporting it? stupid jerk. Should I hate him again.

The atmosphere calmed down once again after he did not answer my last question.

one of my last secrets Ananta, although many times hate you, it turns out my love feelings are always greater. Ilove you...

I said to the calm water, but not hearing it, I knew Ananta knew it