Secrets & Prejudice = Keep it secret, you will hurt

sixteen lies.

After that day, everything went as usual. All that changed was my feelings. The determination to secretly hate Ananta still exists. Growing bigger even. He gave me chocolate that night. I would've fallen in love with her if I didn't know what she was doing before I met her.

But unfortunately, I was not fooled anymore. I still accept it, but with a much different feeling. My favorite chocolate doesn't even make me tasteful because Ananta gave it to me. I don't know, that thing might have ended up in the trash as well, like the gift I threw away last night.

Today at school. Everything went as usual. Ananta asked me to talk, he must know nothing. I only smile thinly at him once. I have to hold it again. It cannot be seen that anything has changed in my heart that is like numbness.

"Well, is today's job done?" call him. I don't know, I'm enveloped in an unpleasant and awkward feeling that I might just feel for myself. Ananta probably won't notice how the expression changes from before.

"hmm already" I said briefly. I'm trying so hard not to need you to know anymore! I no longer want to rely on people who can only play tricks on others like you.

"oh" he answered briefly. He hasn't talked much in the past, but lately it's getting rare again because my response is always cold.

"Hi." call Shinta with her usual sweet smile. He approached me with a sweet smile. I'm sick of seeing it. He smiled as he glanced towards Ananta. Alternately look at Ananta and me. I don't know what he's thinking, but it bothers me a lot.

He pulled me a little bit away. He probably doesn't want Ananta to hear it. I just rolled my eyeballs for a while before looking at him again.

I've been waiting for the sarcastic sentences that Shinta used to say to me. But this time, he was calmer than usual. I guess, the reason must be what I saw last night. He must be so happy to see me not knowing anything.

It's been three months since I was away from Ananta, and I guess.

"i really want to tell you something. But this will be both of us' secrets. So I'll tell you on the roof." he said full of mystery. But unfortunately, I don't care anymore.

"sst, it's about Ananta" he said, smiling a little suspiciously.

"this time I've confirmed it." he continued, very cheerful. Now you've decided to tell me that you managed to date Ananta? that so? it's enough to pretend I'm sick. I know you've managed to snatch it from me, oh. From the beginning, Ananta was never mine.

"okay" I said briefly. I am lazy to talk to him a lot. He asked me to go to the roof when I got home from school, but I ignored him. I already know what he wants to say. So I don't feel like I need to look for her anymore. I chose to go home. Work on complaint sheets on school websites. Something that would most likely make Ananta hate me if he knew what I was doing.

But, after everything was ready, it turned out that I was still hesitant to actually do it. However, I still consider Shinta a good friend. He comforts me when I'm down. Had it not been for Ananta, we would have stayed on good terms. Never mind. I'll send you the complaint tomorrow.

...****************...

"Alana, are you angry again?" tanyakanya. He watches me a lot, to the point that he understands that I only play games when my feelings fall apart. Like three months ago. When I was away from Ananta. The upset was only treated for a while, until the feeling returned when I discovered the facts about Ananta and Shinta. Sucks.

"little." I reply briefly.

"said sarah, you're good at taking pictures. The drama club wants to stage next week. Want to help you become a documentation clerk?" inscribed. Right, maybe I need a rush to forget the heartache I got so many times. Hopefully it can make me forget about my feelings for Ananta. Sometimes escape is possible. Even though I will still see him again in the dining room. He no longer teaches me. He said he was busy. Thank goodness, so I don't have to see it too often.

"hummm can, I'm looking for a busy life" I said.

"i know, it's a little better than you just play games all day" he said, mocking me. But I won't protest. That's right anyway.

"sorry, I said it based on personal experience" he said hurriedly. It doesn't have to be, I don't even hurt at all.

"no need to apologize. That's right" I said honestly.

"you can come to the theater tomorrow afternoon" he continued. Okay. Let's look for busyness, who knows my whereabouts will be a little more useful elsewhere. Rather than being a bully in someone's relationship.

"ready. I brought my own camera." I said. Well, dad's camera is still the best. I proved it myself. Even the image of Ananta and Shinta yesterday looks very good. I smile bitterly every time I remember. Well, the reality is painful, it's better they remain a secret.

"thank you" Diki replied, I should have said so. He always had something to make me feel better. But I don't think I want to give him hope. I am not worthy enough to be given such genuine attention by this good man.

I took another long breath. Ananta. I have to what, if I still like you after everything that happened. I'm sick of not being able to believe any of your words anymore. All of your gestures that were as if you were replying to a long-standing feeling towards me made me doubtful. But in the end you made me sick again.

Not content to disappoint me because you approached the woman, now you snatch my only close friend?. I have to how Ananta.

I looked at the complaint file once again. It's gonna end up making me a bad guy. I don't know what consequences Ananta and Shinta will have because of this. I fear. But the feeling of being deceived in my heart feels even greater. These three months I don't know what you're doing as long as I don't realize it. Laugh at me in silence?

Still deserve me to hide the fact that you guys did? dating at a bar when you were a high school student. Uh. Just sec. I promise I'll process it tomorrow, I think I'm keeping the laptop out of my own reach. I'm sorting thin, ah this feeling is exhausting.sympathy and hatred at the same time. I'm rattled.