Release You With Hearts

1

“Actually it's at what limit am I? Unmeasurable happiness or such deep sadness?”  my monologue stared at my reflection. After a very hard day. I let out a breath

heavy, I've never felt a burden this heavy before. What exactly is wrong with me? Am I less beautiful? Or am I less attractive? Once again, my breath is heavy. I looked at my reflection, the more I looked at the more I felt this chest tightness. I was swept away in my daydreams, I was swept away in my sorrow. “God? When do you allow me to be happy?” my monologue. I looked at the paper lying on my nightstand, I turned my gaze to a picture frame, “Nothing! No more happiness. There was no laughter of joy. No more attention,” my inner. It's not the first time I've experienced this, but somehow it feels so painful and heartbreaking. I took my foot off my dresser. I round out my resolve, I express my heart, I prepare my mind, does not life go on? At least let me try to move on with my life, after the bitterness I went through.

“Syaa!!” pekik Tania, my best friend. “Syaa I'm sorry yes Sya!” he said begging, “Iya Tan. I'm hustling. First yes,” sahutku fast without looking at it. “Syaa I really don't know why it ended up like this. I'm sorry, Syaa.. Can we go back to kayaking first?” he said there was regret in his words. I didn't answer, I left Tania still staring at me. Lord I never hated him, but could I not meet him first? I don't want Tania to be an outlet for my immaturity.

I accelerated my footsteps, when I saw the figure who had been with me for 2 years, the foundation of my life, became a place where I shared my grievances. If I could choose another path, I would choose another path. But unfortunately, this corridor was the only way I could get to my study. I gathered all my courage, step by step, a little more I will cross paths with him. I made it through, I felt like he was still staring at me.

“Syaa,,,” call him soft, he is currently behind me. I stop my step, “Syaa,” repeat, God what should I do? My heart is at war I want to look and see his face, the line of his face that always keeps me calm, but I don't want to look weak. I round out my resolve, I continue my journey. I ignored his call.

“Pagii Syaaa!!” greet Dean, my co-worker. “Morning De,” my mouth is as normal as possible. “Why Yes? Letoi amat?” dean asked, I was a little surprised when Dean noticed my change in attitude. “Custom De, want date hehe,,” my alibi, Dean just a beard. “Syaa, ntar afternoon yok!!” invite Dean to spirit, “Ayoo has not been a long time ago De,” I said spirit, however life goes on. I don't want to keep drowning in sadness. “Do not need to be so zealous that sya if you are lo again badmood,” said Dean on target. I just sniffed my shoulders indifferently and walked towards my office pantry.

I hesitated to turn the knob of the pantry door, immediately my mind floated on the incident 1 week ago..

*flashback

Today I was required to overtime, because there were some jobs I had to research. However, I am not alone there are Dean and Rama who accompany me to bed. “Where are you going?” rama asked when he saw me rise from my work chair “Pantri” sahutku short, “Sya, all coffee one yes Syaa. Sleepy nihh,” Dean said as he yawned. “Nonton drakor aja trus De,” said I was relaxed, Dean just laughed and returned to focus on the computer screen in front of him. I turn the pantry door knob, I walk towards the kitchen set and turn on the stove. I played my phone while waiting for the cooking water. Suddenly I heard something falling from the bathroom, I ignored the sound. Although honestly my hair stood up, but I ventured to finish

“Why Syaa? Dikejer satan?” dean asked me as I returned to my desk with gasping breath, “So in the pantry bathroom there were voices like De, serem ihh now our office,, we have,,” obviously I tried to regulate my breath “Do not ngaco deh Syaa, who overtime just us,” said Dean with a panicked face, “Ya why I lied anyway, this is true. Do not see the feather I have stood,” sahutku while showing my arm. “Try here I see,” said Rama while rising from his chair, “Ngapain anyway Ram? Don't have to.. Berabe ntar his affairs,” prevent me and Dean just nodded his omen he agreed with my proposal, “Gue curious Syaa. Satan what demen maen in the bathroom,” said Rama stepped his feet towards the pantry, as if he did not care about my words. Dean and I held hands to each other's courage. “Syaa si Rama is-anya deh, I do not dare to go back kost if this,” complains Dean while squeezing my hand strong, “Yes how do you know sendiran Rama is stubborn, so yes we have been waiting for him to come back,” said I resigned, although

honestly in my heart I'm just as worried about Dean. Before long, Rama had returned with a disheveled facial expression and held in anger. Dean and I didn't dare ask what really happened. We just waited for Rama to say something. However, until now Rama is still silent. Eyesight

empty, “Ram,” I say carefully. I dared to say hello to Rama, I was afraid something bad happened to him. “Kalo asked to choose where you choose? Beautiful cheating or ugly faithful?” rama asked suddenly, me and Dean exchanged glances not understanding the direction of Rama's conversation. “Emang why Ra?” dean said softly “Jawab aja,” said Rama cold, Rama had never been like this before, he was a man who was always cheerful and able to liven up the atmosphere but now Rama turned into a mysterious man. The atmosphere in my work room turned more tense than usual. “Ram need not be weird Ram,” lamented to Rama, Rama turned his eyes to me. I was surprised to see Rama's eyes were already glazed and ready to drop tears. “Ram, loe okay?” many ensure. “We go home, this can be done in the morning,” tell Rama to me and Dean, “But Ram,,,,” refute Dean “Gue who said Mr. Bagas,” said Rama stopped Dean's speech.

We walked in tandem with Rama who was at the very back, when I reached the basement I saw Kenan's car, my lover. “Syaa it's Kenan's car here anyway?” dean asked staring at Kenan's car in wonder, “Kang tau De, strike maybe,” I replied indifferently. “Phone gih, tanyain,” proposed Dean, I nodded and festive flat objects with a logo of a bitten apple. Kenan never answered my call. I've tried to call him five times, but the result is the same, there's no answer from Kenan. “Maybe you've slept, try to make it early in the morning you tanyain,” said Dean calmed me. “Hhh sleep,” cynical Rama and passed leaving me and Dean. “Rama why yes Sya? How can something be weird?” ask Dean. I'm still trying to get in touch with Kenan. There was no suspicion at all, I was just worried about the situation. I don't want to

something bad happened to him. Dean and I took each other's bikes. Dean and I are boarding kids, because we were running from our hometown.

Upon arrival at my boarding house, I rushed to clean up and prepared to dive into my dreamland. But a ringing notification made me have to undo my intentions. I was shocked when I read the message on the screen

my cellphone.