Nonexistent

Prologue 01

Every person in the world has a common thread that connects them. This is not my mere creation, or an imagination that could never possibly come true. But, indeed humans are basically interconnected even though they are born individually.

In a standard context. Man is a homo homini socius, which means man is a friend to another human being.

Even the hundreds of other books I've read about human bonding have the same meaning:

Man is a creature that has dependence on other creatures.

I admit that, I admit that theory.

But what is the name of the relationship ...

For me, I can never bind forever.

Relationship of chickens and chicks. They will split up and break up when the chicks have grown into adult chickens.

Or else, because one of the bond owners has died, or someone has betrayed on the grounds that they have no more dependence to bond.

Sometimes maintaining a relationship will also hurt yourself. Just like me and Mama.

We've hurt each other since I came as a baby to Mama's household. Mama takes care of me as she takes care of me, but her biological child's ego is higher than mine. He rebelled, wanting love.

In the end, the woman kept trying to protect me in every way that unbeknownst to her was the way for me to get caught deeper into this ridiculous scheme.

One wants to run away and the other wants to stay with him, fulfilling his ego.

Indeed ...

I don't really care about them

With Mama who gave her fake love to me ...

Or his son who vented all his hate on me

Who am I?

Every day, every second, to this day I still feel alone. Even if my best friend laughs with me, or sometimes silences me. We play like little kids who don't know how the world is going.

I hid myself among those people. I try to adapt at every moment.

To add to the knowledge I have day by day, and try and keep trying. I tried everything to test if they knew me? Know whereabouts?

Apparently no one wants to be in touch with me more than just acquaintances.

Ah, no

I have one loyal friend who accompanies me in times of sorrow and liking.

Though he did not know as many of my secrets as the men did to his friend. But I still like him because he is good.

Her smile is warm like mine. He was sincere about being my best friend, and I wasn't. He used to tell me about himself, while I?

In my heart I asked, are there any good things I can tell him?

Maybe in one point of view that I took from the various books I read. I can see that I am a hypocrite.

Do you believe that?

Yeah, I don't believe it at all.

Unlike you.

When I write this it feels like I'm laughing like a madman in the dark. Like the clowns that are usually present on my adopted brother's birthday; Kenya.

The deeper you are immersed in my story, the more you are confused by my behavior, right?

I know, I'm just pretending that everything's okay. That everything is ordinary without climbing or derivatives. But do you know?

I'm not like you guys?

Like pain when it enters your body. You guys must have refused, right?

But I didn't

I'm not rejecting anything

But I am connected to the pain itself

Then suffer alone under that shadow

Will they know?

Sometimes ...

I wanted to disappear from this world

—Amarie Siskayla—