Me, You and Dusk

Irsan with dira part 2

(As Irsan).

The more I got to know him the harder it was for me to say and be normal with him, because I was always watching him.

Maybe some eyes always manage to catch the wet I was staring at the girl. No matter what I care about them, I never care about what others say with all their judgment of me.

I don't know what's going on inside me, I express my feelings to myself through our phone chat. I told some of my life stories, and listened intently, even occasionally giving input and encouraging me.

I don't know if I'm making me vent to him right now, that I'm at my lowest point. I made the girl cry, I'm not a good man now my mind is cursing my stupidity.

(As Adira).

" You're selfish and you're willing to take it all out on me. I'm trying to make you comfortable and come back good this time. You are indeed difficult for me to understand, I do not understand or you deliberately make me as the source of your irritation and become a row of parts of your badmood!". Tell me from the phone, and Dammmm! this girl is always on target about me.

" I don't know what I'm feeling right now. My relationship with him is deteriorating!". My words weakened instantly.

" What do you want now? you can't want two women at once, we're not toys. Please be firm, don't make me go along with the girl. If you're with him I'll keep supporting you and disappear from you, and I hope that's the best decision!". His words made my heart hurt even more.

" I can't just let her be, I love her. My mama always said don't hurt women, because it hurts just as much! I have to how I am, I'm this selfish because I'm afraid of losing! ". I started to get frustrated.

" It's san, and I'm afraid. Dira does not like storms, and now it is better we do not have to contention and just live as usual. Do not associate the feeling, so the stuff can give a pause for yourself isan!". His words this time far hit me, he wanted a farewell without me wanting.

" Dira don't have to feel awkward anymore, and let the stuffing move away. Isan will join us next year, so that he no longer sees this cowardly stuff! Isan will tell mommy that isan will not be next year!". I feel like I've been pinned to zero.

" Is that not an exaggeration of san, to choose backwards on only this matter? we can still be friends, why should we sacrifice all this?". He said in protest, feeling that my decision was too childish.

" Don't be like this san, the fall makes me guilty. Because of this, it's not kkn! Okay, dira will not leave isan . Isan can get close to him as usual, and I'm so sorry about his earlier speech. And come back for more kkn ya?". Refer to dira, but does not reduce disappointment.

" Dir,isan already trying to convince mama, if isan will kkn next year only! Dira is not wrong!". I assured him, if my decision was not for him. Yes, if the truth is I did it for her.

" Yaudah gini deh san, can you ask for mama isan's number? let's try to persuade that this year's issue kkn together with dira! Please do not make yourself feel guilty, if isan isan not abil this year anywhere is the same!". His words put a little emphasis on the part of the word that makes me think hard.

" I've been hard-earned sure kanama dir,oh ya mama also already sleeping!". I said a little bit to protect my decision.

" Hmm well, now what should I do to make you not like this anymore! I don't understand san, I honestly don't know how I feel about you! But, I realized this I can't keep going! I'm amazed by your kindness and you're humble, always friendly!". His words made me soften a little, he's right I shouldn't be like this. Being unethical and unprofessional between personal matters and my study affairs.

This was our beginning, but I tried to forget it. I felt I could not get as close as before, so we had rarely communicated. Oh yeah, this happened before I left for the survey.

You know my fatigue was gone when I came home from the survey and squeezed my bike to the boarding house, when it felt like my body was crumbling dimly. Seeing the hue of her charming face always made my heart captivated.

I told about the experience at our survey place, he would return to the village before the departure of the kkn.

Since he came home we really no longer chat with each other, and no more ringing my phone ringing when the phone calls from him. I don't know if I feel selfish enough about her, and repeat the same thing to indi. Yes, I secretly chat indi. Repeatedly calling to forget about yourself, evil huh ? I realized it, how else. I had to do it to protect myself.

(As India).

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