Intermissums

Chapter 1

“Mama has bought more books that you must read during this semester.”

Mama came into my room with a stack of books she was holding. Put it in my bookcase that's been empty for almost a month, unfilled.

Ready or not, I've started high school, living a life that was never in my shadow. In fact, I only found out there was this school a few weeks before, when I was looking for another option to enroll myself to continue my education, instead of enrolling in the school I wanted.

The sense of no-acceptance is still there, countless times I wish that I could just one time repeat the day I went through the National Examination, correcting what went wrong, he said, raise my value as I've been targeting myself.

However, everything only stopped in wishful thinking. I had to let go because now I was accepted into one of the schools that although not arguably bad, just imagined it never felt the same as the school of dreams.

A week ago, I had undergone the School Orientation Period. Get to know the school environment, make friends with new people, and undergo tests to determine High School majors. For the last thing, I never thought about choosing an IPA or IPS major. I don't know, maybe because I was too busy with regretting things that already so that the future felt blurry at that time.

Seeing my confusion, Mama hoped I could enter the IPA and so I also hope that I will indeed enter the IPA. Although to reach it, I had to repeat some SMP material again through a notebook that contains a summary of the formula that during class 9 I wrote to be easy to learn, so that it is easy to learn, since the Junior High books I have thrown away from long ago.

And sure enough, as soon as one of the teachers mentioned our names one by one, I found myself joining other kids in the IPA major. When I told Mama, Mama looked relieved and said I hope the spirit of learning. I can feel the excitement even just by going through a private message on WhatsApp.

Mama is a typical person who always strives everything for the advancement of my education and my sisters. So, it is not surprising that Mama suddenly went into the room with a stack of books he bought out of nowhere. It's been going on since I was a kid, I can spend practice on a few books for one subject because Mama already stressed me to do that. Mama always believes, the more we do about it, the more we can go beyond the people out there who aren't necessarily doing the same thing.

I always believed that. Until the time my UN value did not surpass my friends, I began to doubt whether what Mama said was true. I wonder if I am not active in studying or my other friends are doing other things in order to be superior to me?

“Hara, you heard?” calling Mama surprised me.

“Ya, what, Ma?”

“You should start preparing yourself from class 10, precisely from now on. Listen to enter PTN can go through the invitation line with the report card value. That means, your rap score should be good. At least ninety averages. Okay?”

I hesitated. My self-confidence is down more than 40 percent now and I'm starting to think about things. Scared everything was again not in line with expectations. I remember how disappointed Mama was because my UN score didn't reach an average of ninety. I remember how my mother was angry because she was so optimistic that I could, but the opposite happened. Everything rolled back in my head like a broken tape and I felt my chest hurt for the umpteenth time.

So that night I decided to try to come back from zero. Closing the book of my life in Junior High School and opening a new chapter in High School. For a moment forget what happened, hope that, then everything will be fine.

Yeah, I hope so. Although still I can not deny that everything is now not as easy as it used to be.

*

Expectations often do not match reality. After my intentions that night and the 1st semester's teaching-learning process had begun, like my half-hearted promise to Mama, I began to try to master High School materials. However, for the first few months, I never felt completely satisfied with my mastery of materials in IPA interest lessons, such as physics, chemistry, and biology.

I often find myself alone in my seat, trying to digest the meaning of what is in front of me. Even what makes me more dizzy is that I realize that many of my friends do not feel difficulty and just smoothly in working on problems.

Like one of my friends named Eris. I've known him since the first day of MOS because we were in the same cluster. Ever since I knew him, I've had the feeling that he's smart. Seen from his initiative to make yel-yel alone without asking for help from me and my other group friends, actively involved in the class by responding to the teacher's questions, he said, everything he did was as if no one else had a chance to get involved. Or even if there was, no one would be able to do it as well as him.

That's why I'm envious. Hence, I spent every night chasing after the lag, understanding what I did not understand. Trying to read the explanations of several books and work on problems that are consistent with what I am learning.

Just like in class, I began to venture forward to ask things I did not understand. A new thing because during Elementary and Junior High, I never asked teachers like this, considering I always understood what my teacher explained more or less like that, why I feel optimistic that my UN value will be good and I do not want to repeat it again at SMA—.

Until one day, out of nowhere, I became close friends with Eris and two others, Nara and Qia. They offer to help each other in their studies. Even Nara had the idea to create a group where the content would discuss the lessons and cover each other's shortcomings with the advantages of the other.

Yes, even though in reality, the group not only contained lessons, but also chatted trivial things, throwing jokes, throwing jokes, but at least I was able to lower my level of distrust and was motivated to move forward.

Not to mention, Mama who like previous years, registered me again at the tutoring place that has been running for approximately a week. I hope this helps me to slowly compensate for some of the material in High School.

Yeah, maybe about this, I just need some time.

*