He Who Doesn't Smile Anymore

Genesis 6: He Who Also Felt So

Deaths. A very familiar word for Alia. Already several times he saw many lives floating right before his eyes, without doing anything death always appeared to him. Whether it was a greeting or a warning but 'death' always made him recall all the things he should not have remembered. Contrition.

He always can not do anything when the person who experienced it is someone who is near him. Is destiny preventing him from canceling someone's death? He always thought about it and this time it happened again. Is it true that Darwin's death was due to his presence? Is that true? Right or wrong, Alia always felt this was her fault.

Alia spread her legs limply and also her face looked gloomy with her tears flowing too much. He approached Eric who was hugging his friend who was covered in blood all over his body. 'Is he still alive?' ask Alia in my heart.

But after he was right next to a crying Eric, he had confirmed that Darwin was no longer breathing. His cries were heard again. His face looked too sad, he looked stressed with what he was feeling now. Who wouldn't have experienced something similar if he had a past like that? Too much pain in the heart.

Is it true that he can repeat back to not experience like his past? He felt it was impossible. The hardest thing in his past seemed to warn him that he could not change or repeat.

He was now dissolved in his loud cries.

. . .

'Help and happy Alia, she is a good person who is hurt'. That was the last word I heard from Darwin. Important message I need to do. But why Alia? What relation? Why would he know?

My mind went blank when Darwin's funeral was underway. I should be crying hard now, but somehow my tears and feelings have gone. No expression at all.

Just like her face, Alia I mean.

Since the beginning I met him I have never seen him smile or happy in the least. I can't understand about him yet. A girl with no expression, probably without feeling as well.

Darwin was buried in a nearby village, in a village I knew. Guilt filled my mind, breaking my heart. It hurts this chest.

Speaking of guilt, it crossed my mind that Alia's expression when she saw Darwin dead. His face seemed to indicate that he felt guilty for his death. Is that what Darwin meant?

After the funeral service was over, I immediately set my foot to get out. If I stay here too long, my feelings can spill. Although it looks disrespectful, but I don't intend that. I will definitely visit him again before we continue our journey.

But when I glanced back, I found Alia and my sister still there. My sister was crying while Alia was silent. His expression was too grim, I was afraid to see it. Like the old me. Does he have anything to do with me? If I think about it enough makes sense, but that's just my thinking.

Why did the girl show such a scary expression, instead of crying? Why have I never seen him laugh or smile? What kind of mental stress does he experience?

. . .

Three days passed after Darwin's death, I seemed to get a glimmer of desire to leave immediately, so this morning I told them both that this afternoon the journey will be resumed.

Of course we are not expressing it for now. There is no time to continue, the journey must continue. What exactly are we doing on this trip for?

They finally agreed.

Before leaving, as I promised myself to visit Darwin's tomb. I couldn't hold my tears in front of her grave. I said goodbye to him, "I'll fulfill your request" I said. Tears kept flowing, I could not hold back any more.

"Stupid, don't cry".

I can hear Darwin's voice. Suddenly, I saw Darwin in front of me with a smile even if only a glance.

"Where can I stand, you know!" I mean to answer that voice. I haven't cried for a long time so this time I completely shed all my feelings.

Again I let someone I knew die right in front of me, totally useless.

"Sister.." call Erica suddenly.

I immediately wiped my tears and replied, "Ah, it's time".

"Sister, brother crying?"

"No idea, let's go"

Damnit. My sister saw me crying, I didn't want to look weak in front of her. As a brother I must look strong.

We got into our horse carriage. Of course it's been fixed with a new horse. I found Alia already in first and was moody, as usual but this time it looked more gloomy.

"Be careful on the road, Eric. Don't take another wrong step" said Kein, a person I know in this village.

"I know you must be devastated by this incident, but make this incident a stepping stone and a mirror of your mistakes" he continued.

"Well, I'll remember your words" I replied, "Oh, yes" I said suddenly as I handed an envelope and a box to Kein.

"Please send it to that address, it's a letter and some of Darwin's valuables. Please send it to his family" I explained while giving him a tip.

We said goodbye and immediately went on our way.

This time there was a strange. Alia didn't hug me anymore and she was holding back her nausea.

'Based on this one girl.' I said in my heart with a little worry.

I stopped the carriage and forced Alia to sit next to me by carrying it. He must have been surprised.

Now we sit in the front, where we ride horses. As the return journey continued, I stroked his head and said, "No need to force yourself".

He looked surprised and silent, then hugged me as usual. Looks like he's back nauseous.

. . .

Alia blushed and did not know why suddenly Eric was sensitive to her condition. His heart was racing and he felt restless.

"Eric.."he starts a conversation.

"What?" the answer.

"Do you want to be friends with someone who might be able to make bad luck?"

"What do you mean?" eric asked with a tense face.

"I'm..."

. . .

Eric surprised. Very surprised.

After Alia recounted her tragic past, she cried. Erica tried to calm him down. Eric knows this. But he could not hide the shock of the story.

'So that was the suffering he was going through? It's too heavy and absurd why he's being blamed' said Eric in his heart. He felt really sad after hearing this.

'So all he believed in was me and Erica? Can he trust others when he's here?'

Alia, who saw Eric's grieving face, thought she was hated.

'Will it repeat? Will I be hated again? Will I feel that again?' sahut Alia in heart with strong heartache. He would no longer be strong if it happened again. Will he be hated in every age?

"Alia.." call Eric flat.

"I-iya" Alia replied as she closed her eyes in fear. He's afraid. Is he gonna get slapped? Will he be hit?

"Eh?" Alia was overwhelmed by what Eric was doing.

He hugged Alia gently while stroking her head. Maybe because of the instincts of a brother, he did that.

"It must be hard for you, Alia. But relax, there I am. You can tell me everything" Eric said.

Alia who heard this felt something in him. Is this what you call happiness? He did not expect that the day would come when someone would accept him for who he was.

She cried as hard as she could in Eric's arms. Erica who saw this smiled, 'Finally Brother Alia opened her heart to us' Erica thought inwardly.

"You know, Alia. I can understand your feelings because I can see myself in the past through your eyes. I used to see a lot of people die right in front of me and it happened again a few days ago.

I felt sharp glances from people, even my mother being a victim when we were innocent.

So, let's get out of each one of our regrets" Eric told the story of his past.

It turned out to be almost the same as him even though he did not tell in detail.

He responded to Eric's words. In the end, because Alia was exhausted from crying so much she fell asleep while hugging Eric.

It seemed like on that trip, they were able to solve a little problem on each of them. But can they solve their whole problem?

Regret is not easy to heal from one's heart. Can they do that?