Forbidden Senior

Part Ten | Absurdities

The sound of my footsteps echoed in this room. The other student had already emptied his class leaving me sobbing to myself. After the assistance class (enrichment class with seniors) was completed, I did not leave the class until everyone left. When I went home, the building was empty, uninhabited.

While walking down the deserted passageway, my memory was thrown at the events of today. So many things I didn't understand until now. Home, college, friends, relationships, everything makes me dizzy. I massaged my head hoping that those burdens could be lifted for an instant.

If God manifested a desire, without a second thought I would ask for a time machine where I could at will change the past. If the time machine feels impossible to be granted, even a memory-destroying machine is fine. I wanted to erase my memory of love as well as admiration for the foolish man who was insensitive to my feelings. Especially the trouble this afternoon. To be honest, I have no interest in making Kak Randu angry.

The view of Kak Nisa and Kak Randu gives its own portion of pain. The stupid desire that kept echoing in my head was finally producing pain. People say happiness is a choice. It is we who decide to continue in the puddle of sadness or escape to a smile.

I don't know.

Imagining no Kak Randu by my side makes my head a little dizzy. Why do I always mute problems instead of finding solutions.

Huh, stupid.

"Aw," someone bumped into me staggered me. The books in my goodie bag were scattered.

"Sorry,"

I saw her figure even in the dark. Clearly the silhouette of Nilam was clearly printed on my brain. Nilam who left me in the department hall. Nilam is now picking up my books.

"Sorry, yes, I'm in a hurry, again" Nilam held out the books to me.

I accepted it and we both stood up to clean up. Just as Nilam was about to leave to resume his steps, I held his hand.

"Lam, I'm sorry" I said sincerely.

Nilam's body stiffened upon hearing my trembling voice. He didn't realize the person he was helping was me. He turned his body and threw a fake smile.

"You don't have to apologize, Kania. I should have introspect myself before judge you like that." Nilam placed one of his hands on my hand which blocked his left hand. He rubbed it gently and then took off my check.

"I go first" he said hurriedly.

"Nilam, wait," I haven't been able to catch up to him, Nilam has run to the stairs at the end of the hallway.

"Nilam, man,"

Maybe Nilam is still hurting and needs his own space. But I need it too. I want to pour out complaints all this time that I try to keep tight. I need a confiding friend. I need him, my most precious friend.

Have I exchanged my friendship for an unfinished love?

...****************...

Homehouse.

Just hearing it makes me nauseous. I'm afraid to go home. My problem with Shania is not over. I am currently unable to think logically. All I want is to escape. Escape from trouble. Escape so as not to come face to face with people I know. Even escaping the world.

Sis

I typed a message on Kak Randu. I don't know what the obvious motive is I just want to improve our relationship and hope Kak Randu does not reject it. Guilt keeps knocking on my conscience. I will ask Kak Nisa's relationship to Kak Randu and then clarify the boundary between us if it is proven their status is more than friends. I want to end this one-handed love that hurts so many people. I want to burn this feeling down to its roots.

I waited for Kak Randu's reply anxiously. The clock shows at seven o'clock. At the faculty stop, alone, waiting for a passing campus bus.

Lo where is it?

Stoppage. Waiting for the campus bus.

Which stop?

FE (Faculty of Economics)

There's a twenty-minute gap. My phone's on. Incoming call from Kak Randu.

"Grad-hall"

"Lo's still there, right?" Cut Kak Randu with an anxious tone? Is that really what I just heard. Is my eardrum damaged to hear Kak Randu soften his voice and tucked away in worry?

"Yes, brother, I'm still at the stop."

"Aren't you taking the car?"

I let out a breath. "My car broke down, it's been towed by the workshop."

"So how'd you go home?"

"Wait bikun,"

"Don't you have a crab? It's malem, man,"

I saw the back of my pitch-black stop. The lush trees and their interlocking shields shade the ground beneath. The occasional breeze blowing swayed his leaves.

"My wallet's missing," I'm embarrassed.

"Should I pick it up?"

I'm woken. "Ummm not us"

"Wait for me" cut it.

"Sister Randu is still on campus?"

"No." Answer's short.

"Kosan temen." I round my mouth.

"Woy, I went back first well," I heard Kak Randu saying goodbye to his friends.

"Not cool lo, just also collected," complained his friends.

"There's a need,"

"Nisa's place?" The tirade of one of his friends makes my heart hot.

"No,"

"New girl again?" Guess the others. Randu did not answer.

"Well, the power is real, here. Where's the tax?" Tempted some of his friends.

"Still in process,"

"What?"

"First." Regardless of the curiosity of his friends and me too, I heard Kak Randu turn on his motorbike. Is Kak Randu not aware that from earlier our call is still connected?

"Hello? Sis?"

"Eh, my bellyball is matiin, huh?"

"Sister, don't pick me up. The school bus, it's already,"

TUT TUT TUT TUT

The call was interrupted which means that Kak Randu immediately picked me up when I had not prepared my heart to meet him. Hearing his words earlier with his friends made my hopes bloom again. I smile. A triumphant smile.

Half an hour later Kak Randu came and parked his red motorbike. I saved my phone to the bag when Kak Randu approached me. He put a bag of crackle beside me makes me curious about the contents but more curious about his words earlier.

"Sorry, long time," he said and sat on my right side.

I'm nodding. "No papa, brother. It's wrong that I also took care of Brother."

Brother Randu ruffled my hair. "Don't think rich. You don't take me and I don't feel repotinated either."

Huh, meaning?

"About my talk, don't think about it,"

I'm speechless. Is this time Kak Randu just giving false hope? Can't I fight for this taste and better prune it before it swells up?

"Don't think much. Tuh, eat the hammer first. That's Abis we're back." Point it at the black crackle bag that's drooping next to me.

I opened it in a doldrums. "Entar I'll change, brother."

Brother Randu smiled? "It can be funny, too, yeah,"

"Handid? I'm serious, "my murmur was puffed up while putting a piece of that martabak in my mouth.

"Yes, I believe. But, I myself want to ask what compensation? You understand, right?"

"Or don't be weird," Brother Randu smirked.

"Wouldn't you say thank you very much for my request?"

"Well, do you owe me again? I don't feel good if I have to take nicotine mulu,"

I held my hand that held the martabak up and spontaneously Kak Randu bit him. He also gave me a brief thumb. Getting such a response my body flinched. The rest of the martabak bite slid down on his jeans. I realized when Kak Randu's index finger went down my greasy lips.

"Sister," I put my body behind me. Seeing Kak Randu's dirty pants I took the initiative to clean it with a tissue.

"The pants are dirty let me clean," I bargained still looking down at his jeans.

Brother Randu was about to hold my hand but I brushed it off. I'm still embarrassed if we have to look at each other. I better do the activity to divert the strange swish in my heart. "Kania, you don't have to," too late I've wiped the surface of his jeans that I just realized I was wiping the parts

I pulled my hand out of embarrassment. Shame is half dead. My face was flushed like a boiled crab. I swear, I did it accidentally.

"Where is my. Gede, right?" It was God who made my face turn pale.

...****************...

NB: Randu can not if I tampol face. Kok lo ngeselin really so a guy. New kania illfeel nyaho loh wkwkwk

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