For You Who Do Not Look In The Eye

Chapters 20. I'm Kasat Mata?

In the end everyone does not want to feel what regret is, it could be that Vicktor chose is a regret itself. Opening it means choosing a heavy choice, for him it is a new future he sees when he is another himself is cool to visit his wife who is old and fragile.

Only with reckless capital and uncertain effort that he was on the right path, maybe it was a perverse path. He is trying to get through that hurdle alone, whether he wants a decent life as he hopes or has turned into an ambition and selfishness to win an award.

Vicktor passes through a portal door that is transparent like a puddle, reflecting on a world he saw during his stay in torment.

His body gradually reverted back to being whole, hardened and grew like a caterpillar coming out of a cocoon. Vicktor turned into a beautiful butterfly, he became a complete human after a long time he lived in the shadows.

"Later death is over, see you hell. I wanted to say that but the world itself is not much different. Even so little happiness I want to feel, not as a spectator, as a performer."

Vicktor goes to the hospital and tries to kill himself as an absolute requirement to stay in the world, in exchange for the real Vicktor. It just so happened that he went to the toilet so it would be easier to do so.

"Just calm down, it'll be easy. Slit his throat, stab his heart, or maybe break every bone."

Vile thoughts that are used to popping up every second. Others may think in every second it's like, "how do we breathe," or "how to make ice cream that's how." In contrast to Vicktor he is a former inhabitant of hell, the more proficient in the technique of making lives disappear.

But lapse some time in the toilet Vicktor can only see his face plastered facing the glass with a sad and happy face, if likened to a sea snail well, you will never know his face.

"Ahhh, just stop. The killer couldn't bear to see a face like that either."

Mentari changed Noah, waiting for all the visitors to come home including himself who was tired of everything, he now did not dare to face the ghost of ten years that had been lost. The courage that had made his hands bleed instantly disappeared like the dim light of the moon.

He had little time to press the gas to continue walking from the end of the door to the woman lying down. Vicktor walked over the shadow of the moon shining on the woman making her nervous. Their eyes met the woman so panicked.

"I thought you were home, Alice was too afraid to sleep alone at home, did you just leave her alone?"

"I-I didn't mean to, I-I just wanted to see you for a minute."

"lik! You're not good at lying, who are you? Having a face similar to her, is the story true? The story of... the man who got lost in his own expectations?"

He continued writing in a small notebook. What's more important than a life of its own compared to an ink paint and a thin flake of a teak tree.

"Why ask, 'Where have you been for 10 years? I waited for you to ruin everything.'"

The woman had no time for it, she was too busy with her own affairs. Vicktor could only be grateful to have seen it for himself for at least ten years, now the answer had arrived before his eyes.

"Our deal is not like this, you will come back I pull into this paradise. If you want to continue to live, kill yourself, for the sake of world balance, the same two entities must not be in one world. The end will be before your eyes."

"Let me live at least until the end of his life is over. Please, please."

What happens if everything happens, what a person can be so steadfast at something that is not even beneficial to himself. Does Vicktor feel that he's had enough of his life for it all, what if he still has the regret of having found it.

What kind of destiny would await, if only he had not done so. If he did that and became a part of the family in his own stead, was it fate that was supposed to happen. It may not be like that, everything happens just because of a mistake but what is a mistake. If truth does not exist whether life will return to normal and intact, maybe without it life becomes more bland and has no meaning at all.

Whether Vicktor has meaning as his own life, how he values the price of one's life just to dampen all dreams.

"For me life is so exciting like a boring big screen movie but it makes me wonder how this story ends. Accounts that have experienced death are still envious of life, and ultimately prefer to live in torture. It's just that it's better, my heart has never been tense like this before."

Vicktor only needs a little time to accompany him in happiness as a sense of body and soul satisfaction. He would rather stay dead than steal the happiness of others.

"Living in the world is better than dying, but if I have to sacrifice more lives, I'm better off not living. The dead cannot interfere with the living."

In the end Vicktor makes himself better understand himself, sometimes it takes time to see something wrong when it is very clear, but people are always late to realize it is one of Vicktor's regrets.

"It is good to open that door, at last my sin has been fulfilled now perish with my soul."

Strong determination only to choose something wrong into a true existence, maybe he still keeps something to pack well for his future. What he wrote in his memories was written in a paper, Anastasya. Vicktor's wife made it open that the opportunity did not always come with good luck but also a bad result, she came carrying a heavy weight chipped in a heart incision and re-wrenched herself. What better to be a spectator of life.